How to make a statement more concise - should I use an editor?

[NigellaAwesome]

I'm looking for a bit of help.

I am in the middle of litigation with my employer, and need to provide a statement for upcoming ET proceedings. The issue is very protracted, with lots of component parts to it. I have drafted my statement, but it is currently about 8800 words, and I need to get it down to 7500. A legal friend has looked at it and believes I have got all the component parts in place - I just need to cut down the length.

I've worked and reworked it, and I can no longer see the wood for the trees. Has anyone ever used an editor to condense a statement, and if so, how do you go about finding one?

bump anyone?

I can't help with editors I'm afraid.

A useful format is

[date] + [event description] + [impact on me - in terms of legislation]

Eg, if you are claiming discrimination

12-Jun-2019 Manager X told me in a team meeting that he had decided not to let me lead Major Project Z because I can't work as hard as Bill who doesn't have childcare arrangements like me. I felt humiliated and patronised as I am better qualified and experienced than them. This gave them more opportunity for career advancement and I found out they got a pay rise and bonus which I was refused.

Question yourself whether every sentence contributes towards illustrating why you are bringing your Claim to ET. If it doesn't contribute somehow to that goal, then consider either trimming back or deleting that chunk of text as it doesn't add value.

Less is always more.

If you can give me any example/s of why you've needed to give a lot of detail and I might be able to give you some steer on how much to include or omit.

And just to be clear, the date I've given (12-Jun) would be out of time of course, unless it is part of a series of events that meet the "3 months minus 1 day" timeframe for ET.

Thanks Daisychain. I think the issue is that it is such a protracted series of events, spanning almost 2 years. A sad litany of being excluded from meetings, told I was ineligible for promotion because I work reduced hours, disclosing my personal information and undermined at every turn, culminating in him commissioning surveillance on me and trying to have me investigated. He made claims he witnessed things when there is firm evidence he wasn't even there.

My legal team are happy as far as time limits go.

Thanks for the update@NigellaAwesome

Has your legal team given you any guidance on the 1000 word reduction, shouldn't they help? Are you being funded by a Union?

Although the situation continued over a 2 year period, are you able to compress any of the descriptions for example if the same behaviour was exemplified on multiple occasions, just describe it once then cross-refer it at different stages (for example: see page x paragraph y each time).

Not sure if I'm helping ...

Thanks Daisychain. Yes to funded by a union, but legal team seem quite hands off. I sent it to a friend of a friend who is quite senior in the public sector (I am too, but with all the stress I am no longer as articulate as I once was )

I'm not how she managed it, but she cut it down by about 1000 words and changed the order around, and it seems so much more polished. I was reading bits and thinking 'oh gosh, she phrased that so well' but then realised it was exactly what I had written but she had removed all the fluff around it, IYSWIM?

I have managed to get rid of another 400 words this morning by ruthlessly considering whether particular things were adding anything.

Thanks again for your help.

Court date has been put off twice now, and likely to be another 6 months away