I'm a beneficiary of a trust fund, but it's just causing stress ...

[lovesT]

Can anyone advise?/ Does anyone have any knowledge on this?

Within the last couple of years my sister and I were told about a trust fund set up by our Grandmother who has made this trust for her grandchildren and for the money to go towards a deposit for a house. This is great obviously and we are grateful for this! 

However …

Though this is amazing of her to do, she is incredibly controlling. She has always tried to dictate what we do with our lives (jobs, university, who we should trust …). I am 25 and married for a 4 years with first baby on the way and very happy in my job which I’m studying alongside to eventually progress in that career (not that she approves of what I’ve chosen to do! My sister is also happy with what she is doing and is also studying towards what she wants to do (she is younger and still lives at home), of course her way of studying is not approved either and she is often nagged about this.

There is a lot more background I could give but here is the main part:

‘The grandmother’ has been obsessed for the last few months with this trust money (which she had to legally tell us about, otherwise she wouldn’t have told us). She keeps saying she wants us to sign something to say we are happy not to have the interest of this fund until we one day get the money, which we agreed to but haven’t signed anything yet. It would be nice to have the money but she doesn’t trust us, even though we would only put it into a savings account, so we are happy to agree to this.

She called us to say she wants us to sign the papers, which we thought was to agree to not having the interest from the trust fund until we got the full amount one day, HOWEVER, when she brought the papers they said something like ‘Though they are entitled to the money at 18, I (Grandmother) would prefer that they get the full amount at the age of 45’. Obviously it had more than this but this was the gist.

We have consistently been told (since she had to tell us about the money) that we can have the money towards a deposit for a house only from 25 and if we are losers or idiots (her own words) we won’t get it until 45. By the way, we are neither of these and both work very hard, she just doesn’t approve of our career choices because we’re not doctors or bankers.

We refused to sign these because they did not say what she had been telling us and we basically would be saying we are happy not to have it until 45 (which by then, hopefully we would have bought a house ourselves with money we have saved). She partly agreed (some lawyer had written it up and she has now asked them to change it).

One of my many questions is, does anyone know about this legally? We have narrowed it down to being possibly two different trust funds, either a ‘Bare fund’ or a ‘Discretionary fund’. If it is a bare fund, then she is panicking because we are legally entitled to it and she doesn’t want us to have it, because she wouldn’t be able to control the money/ us.

Hypothetically, if my husband and I wanted to buy a house, we would look at our income, find a house we wanted, go to the bank for a mortgage and ask her for the money for a deposit. BUT I 100% know that she will not approve because she said she and the other trustees will have to see our incomes (not that they’re bad, but she will think they are). So I’m trying to protect myself a bit here. It would be great to be able to live my life in a way I want to, and be able to use this money when I see it as viable and suitable, maybe in the next couple of years?

IF anyone has managed/ bothered to read this, then I am grateful. I don’t know how else to narrow it down. But if you can help, then ask as many questions as you like and I’ll try and reply :) Thanks.

P.S. I have generally had a good relationship with her, but she has made this very difficult lately. It’s all about the money for her. I am not trying to grab her money and run, I just want to make sure she is not trying to get us to sign something that we don’t have to.



Thanks again :)

[lovesT]

Also, our only connection to the cousins really is the GM, we're not close anymore and don't live close either. It would be more we might meet on family occasions but even that is becoming less frequent. Unfortunately our family is broken in a lot of ways.

[Fabellini]

I have been both the beneficiary of a trust, and a trustee. I really think you need to ask your grandmother for a copy of the trust deed and then seek your own independent legal advice.
It can get very complicated, and there are different types of trust.
I suspect you are entitled to all the money right now, but she has decided she doesn’t actually want you to have it, so she’s trying to get you to sign it away until you’re 45(!) without disclosing the full facts of the matter if she can possibly get away with it.
I agree with several other posters who have said just to live your life as if it doesn’t exist...but on the other hand, it does exist, You’re legally entitled to it, and it would make your lives much easier.
It would also probably finish your relationship with your grandmother, but from the sounds of things, that might not be the end of the world.

[Blingysolightly]

@Fabellini on your r185 has she filled in the 2nd page (discretionary income from trust) or the 3rd page (non discretionary income from a trust)?

Also on the 3rd page, who has signed it? As that's where the Trustee has to sign.

[Blingysolightly]

Ah sorry, I meant the last message to the OP@lovesT

[Loopytiles]

If you have the name of your GM’s lawyer, ask them for a copy of the deed.

[lovesT]

@Fabellini thank you, your post seems to sum it up for me and unfortunately the relationship isn't looking good right now. But it's great to hear from someone who has the two perspectives.

@Blingysolightly I would have to have a look and I don't have it right now, but that's very interesting and I will have a look when I can and check that.

@Loopytiles I think I do actually have the name of the lawyer and possibly even the number from when we got the interest (or some of it).

So the latest is this saga or events ...

She rang me today whilst I was on my way out and not a good time to call at all (crying on public transport doesn't look great 🙄🙄) she said nothing else other than "when are you going to sign the papers" and then when I said that I'm out all day and away next weekend (all true, we've had tickets booked for something and actually do go away next week) she called me a brat and said I'm more horrible than said sister (of which we are NEITHER of those things but she's got angry and spiteful.

She said that if we don't do it by the end of this weekend (not enough time to find out about the deed and more details etc) she said she's going to make us pay the accountant fees and tax on it because she's done.

She hasn't given us much time and the situation has now exploded, she has never spoken to me like that and I felt very hurt as I've always tried to show her the love that I think is right (not all about money).

I'm not really sure what any of that means, what does that mean for the trust money? No idea. But the relationship is not looking great and I'm not sure I deserved that.

Interestingly my mums brother has said that he is fed up too and she's ruining the family with the money and doesn't want to talk about the trust, we didn't know this as we aren't close (location wise and family wise) but it's not just us feeling this way.

[cometothinkofit]

No advice to give, but... Just wow. She's a piece of work, isn't she?

[lovesT]

@cometothinkofit yes, she really is 🤦‍♀️ I wish I was making it up.

[Fabellini]

She can’t make you pay anything, please don’t fall for that!

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

If I were you I’d see a solicitor and an accountant and get the money you are entitled to right now. It will do you much more good now than when you are 45.

When the dust has settled, and she can see that you have made good and sensible choices, then you can work on rebuilding your relationship.

I imagine she has set up a trust, at least in part, to try to dictate the terms of your relationship and keep you beholden to her. Your relationship could actually be better, and more honest, if you get this money business done and dusted.

[daisychain01]

I don't think she will ever allow the money matter to be settled. She will do everything possible to make life very unpleasant for you OP based on your latest update.

You need to decide if this money, which she is wilfully holding as a sword of Damocles over you, is worth your mental health. Personally I'd cut all ties with her, she's deliberately sucking you in by enticing you with the promise of money, while terrorising and controlling you. Life is honestly way too short.

If you must, youcould keep things arms length by finding out the facts via solicitor, but imo I'd be going NC with her, she sounds evil.

I'm saying this as someone who had a relatively terrorise me and my DBro for years. I eventually went NC when they pushed me too far, and i have never regretted being able to live my life in freedom, despite knowing I was disinherited. Sometimes one's mental health is far more important to preserve than money.

[daisychain01]

sorry a relative

[lovesT]

@daisychain01 yes you're right, from how she's been in the past too she is unlikely to let anything go. My sister and I and also my mum have said that we are willing to just cut ties because she's pushed us too far now and it feels beyond repair. I also don't need this stress being pregnant 🙄 which by the way she has asked nothing about since we told her, maybe once.

I think what we are going to do is speak to the lawyer who has been dealing with the trust, who I realised I have the info for as she was the one we had to talk to when we were entitled to the interest and she sorted that out, just to see what is best to do right now and go from there. We might also seek some advice from a solicitor again just to see where we stand.

But, after those things, or aside from those things, we are ready to let go of it all, the relationship and the money, because it's hurt us all too much now!

I do appreciate everyone's posts!

[Sunshinegirl82]

I wouldn't be letting it go completely without understanding it. Get your hands on all the documents and seek independent advice. I know it's an expense you could do without but honestly I think it will be worth it. At least then you will know where you stand and can make any decisions from a position of knowledge.

[Loopytiles]

Yes, just contact the lawyer for the info you need, then you and your sister can take decisions. Assuming your GM can’t legally change her mind now, and the money is due to you now, I would withdraw all the money.

You don’t have to answer calls from your GM or be pushed on time.

Suggest your mother takes a look at the Stately Homes threads in the relationships section, and the recommended reading. You might some of this useful too.

[Loopytiles]

Yes, get the docs and get legal advice.

[Greenkit]

Are you any further forward?

Sounds like you are entitled to the money now and she is panicking

[mummmy2017]

You pay tax on the money when you receive the lump sum.
I think she is trying to lock it away again, instead of you getting it.

[TiddyTid]

She's not carrying out the duties of a Trustee, that's for sure.

Any updates OP?

[lovesT]

@TiddyTid @Greenkit no updates yet other than we haven't spoken since that phone call. I'm meeting with my mum and sister today so I'm sure we'll be talking about it and will be ringing the person who's been dealing with the fund soon. I'll definitely update when we've done that!

Thank you for all of your replies again!

@mummmy2017 yeah and I'd expect that but assumaient it would come out of that money? She's been so vague about it she's making it so difficult 🙄

I'll update soon!

[lovesT]

UPDATE:

Sorry it has been ages, we were away and things have been busy but here's a small update ...


We went to see a solicitor yesterday who was so helpful. He gave lots of advice but basically do not sign the papers. He said we need to get the trust fund document that sets out the terms which we are going to have to push for, because I'm sure she won't let us have them easily. One way we might do this is say that we are doing our will (which we plan to soon with baby on the way) and the solicitor needs to see these documents.

She hasn't rung me since our last horrible conversation but has rung my sister again trying to arrange for us to come and sign these new papers ... now that we have seen the solicitor we feel we can strongly say that we won't sign anything until we see the documents and know the conditions and terms of the trust. He definitely made us feel that we were thinking and feeling the right things 😊 and even though he can't see the trust so can't say exactly what kind it is, he doesn't seem to think it's a discretionary trust, rather that she is trying to add discretionary elements to a bare fund.

It continues ...

[BouquetOfRoses]

Well done on getting legal advice, I hope you are able to obtain the paperwork you need to decide next steps