Absent parent- everyone’s rights

[OddshoesOddsocks]

I’m struggling to find anything relevant on google as I’m not sure what to actually search for!

Long story short, dd is now 8 and her dad has been in and out (mostly out) for all of her life. If he comes in, he promises the world then disappears without warning leaving a huge amount of upset behind him. He hasn’t seen dd for 4 years and the only contact since then was 2 letters and 2 phone calls over 2 years ago which didn’t end well. Dd recently said she doesn’t want to see him or speak to him at the moment, not that she has the option, we don’t know where he is.

He is on the birth certificate and has been paying maintenance (by force) until a month ago.

He is now moving abroad, hasn’t told us and seemingly won’t be paying maintenance when he’s gone. I only found out today when I rang CMS to query my payments stopping, he’s informed them but no one thought to tell me.

My question is mainly, if he carries on with no contact, no maintenance etc will he eventually forfeit his rights? I think I’ve heard of it but can’t see it written anywhere.

I have truly given him every chance to be a part of dds life, I’ve never stopped contact and visit his family regularly. This isn’t me trying to push him out because it’s easier for me, this is his choice alone.

In the long run I’d like to change dd’s surname (she’s double barrelled with his and my surnames but has dropped husband name day to day) when I marry dp and give him parental responsibility too. He has been in her life since she was 6 months old and is her dad in every way he can be (apart from the obvious!). Unfortunately I need the ex’s permission to do so as it stands and he will never agree.

This has turned into a mini rant, sorry! It’s very fresh in my head and I can’t discuss it out loud as dd is still awake!

You can't just give new dh PR you know!
Change dd's name. Ex would have to take you to court to have it changed back if a judge deemed it necessary...
My ex walked back when dd was 21. She had no interest in him at all.

Hi windyday,

You can give additional people parental responsibility however both parents have to agree. It doesn’t take away from those who already hold it, just adds someone else in. I’ve looked into it and it is entirely reasonable and feasible and makes sense for us.

I could change her name without his permission but not legally, like I said, both these things require his permission unfortunately.

He wont forfit rights no matter how long it is. My SS mother hasn't seen him in nearly 3 years. No calls/texts. Before that it was monthly contact.

But you don't need exs permission to give new husband PR. I am starting the process as I have been his mother in every other way since I married my husband 6 years ago when he was 2 and known him since he was 14 months and he is now 8 and a half.

Just google step parents parental responsibility and you can get the forms. If the SP is caring as a parent every day and can prove it, bank statements ect. Then it is likely to be granted and then all 3 people will have PR.

It is good to let you partner have PR if he is pretty much her dad and her BD is not interested or not in the country as well as if you go on to have more children ect or something happened to you, what would happen to your daughter? My greatest fear is something happens to my husband and I lose my SS, I love him just as much as my biological son and to split up two brothers would be my worst nightmare.

You apply to court for PR. Given by a judge.

You apply to court for PR. Given by a judge

That is one way of getting PR. However, as the OP says, provided the father agrees and signs the necessary paperwork she can give PR to her partner once they are married. The paperwork has to be signed and witnessed at the local county court or family court (usually by an appropriate official, not a judge) and then goes away to be registered (which is a formality as long as the paperwork is in order).

if he carries on with no contact, no maintenance etc will he eventually forfeit his rights

No. He has PR. He will only lose it if you can convince a court that it is in your daughter's best interests for it to be removed - in other words, that him continuing to have PR is detrimental to her.

Up to 6 people can have pr for a child . You just fill in the forms and take them to a court to rubber stamp then post them off. It's really simple and straightforward.
However only a judge can remove pr. So you will need a good solicitor and proof of lack of contact and him moving abroad. It is possible, ibhad my ex's pr removed although he did consent at the final minute. You might get lucky, it's worth trying

Thank you @00deed1988*,*@prh47bridge and @duckling84.

I’m wondering if I heard from a friend about her ex forfeiting his rights when they were going through the adoption process as her DH adopted her son. I might ask her.

You’re right in that giving DP parental responsibility is a good idea, I would hate for anything to happen to me and dd being sent off to her dad. That’s my absolute worst nightmare! I’ve got a will that states my wishes with my brother listed as guardian and a separate letter of wishes that explains my reasoning. I have been told that these are not 100% effective and may be disregarded but are worth having and having DP with PR would massively strengthen my case.

I don’t necessarily want EXP to give up his rights, I’d just like to be able to decide these things without his permission! I know that’s contradictory.

It feels very wrong that I can’t go on holiday abroad with dd without his permission but he can move away to the other side of the world and stop paying maintenance without a word to either of us!

Yes, adoption would remove the father's PR.

If you get a Child Arrangements Order stating that your daughter lives with you, you will be entitled to take her out of the country for up to one month without your ex's consent.

I'm not sure pr will help with residency after your death as he is not your childs legal guardian, but it will sure help.
We did it as dh is the "main carer" in the sense that during term time he does the school runs, takes the kids to the doctors etc and it just made sense that he was able to sign consent forms.

@prh47bridge I mean that during the process of adoption I’m sure there was a certain amount of time that he could go with no contact before he was considered to have forfeited his rights. In the end he signed them away himself.

We are a few years in to no contact now however as he has been paying maintenance I think that counts in his favour. Now he isn’t I think we start the timeline again as it were.

Do not give your new DP PR, if you split he has a say over your child.

@MsJRMEsq I know what you’re saying and I completely agree however we’ve been together 8 years now and have 2 further children together, dd1 is as much his as is possible without being a birth parent and all 3 of them will be treated the same whether we are together or not. I know that that is easy to say now but I truly believe it, he’s a fantastic dad to all of them. If he could adopt her tomorrow he would but unfortunately it isn’t that’s simple!