Ex driving me insane - what can I do?

[Sittingontheroof]

I don't want to go into too much detail here but I have been communicating regularly with my narcissistic ex for years and just cannot do it anymore. We coparent and have a schedule, however he regularly changes it and seems to just want to make my life a misery. He is arrogant, rude, self-centred, patronising in all of his communication. He lies about what I have said to him, twist facts, turns up late most of the time, changes the schedule constantly, sends excessively long emails and texts and follows up if I don't reply within a few days.

I want to let it all go and I've tried very hard to step back and maintain boundaries. I told him 4 times this month to stop texting me unless an emergency and he still does nearly every single day. I moved home with DC recently and said he couldn't come to my house. For that he sent me a barrage of abusive texts and emails saying how awful it was for the DC and how I'd have to live with the guilt etc. He's threatened me with court action on several occasions and treats me like shit but expects me to be there whenever he is late/needs to go to a work meeting/go on holiday with his girlfriend. The changes to the schedule are driving me mad as is the constant communication, controlling behaviour and rudeness. I dread getting texts and emails from him.

Posting this in legal as I cannot communicate on this level any longer. It's causing me a great deal of anxiety. Is this harassment? Coparenting is difficult but it shouldn't be like this should it? What can I do? Can I get a solicitor to deal with him instead? Only communicate via solicitors? How much would that cost? Anything else I can do?

First off, start naming it correctly: he is abusing you.

People can't help you unless you make clear he is abusing you. I don't know if he really is a narcissist, but it's irrelevant. What you're describing is garden variety coercive control / domestic abuse.

So... Women's Aid 0808 2000 247

National Stalking Helpline are really helpful.

Document everything. Harrassment, coercive control and stalking are course of conduct offences, so you need to be able to demonstrate the pattern of behaviour if you need to involve the police.

Stop trying to appease him, you can't reason with him - he just wants to control you.

Can you get a new number so he only has your old one? Then only check the number he has once a day or once a week or whatever. Likewise with email. don't get into discussion about anything, keep it brief and to the point. don't let him mess you around.

If he threatens you and you feel unsafe call the police.

Maybe also get yourself on the Freedom Programme to help you with describing this to others and coping with it yourself. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Sounds like you didn't move far enough. I agree with the above poster - get advise from a professional as to your rights (and his). But if were me, I'd just take my kid and move countries.

Thank you @katalavenete True, he is abusive and I can't reason with him. Thanks for your advice, I'll look at the links.

@Pinkbonbon Yes, that would be nice except DC would have no contact with their father. I don't want to limit contact for their sake but I don't want to be in regular contact with my ex either.

Can anyone who is a solicitor advice on what I can do legally? My ex is very cleaver so would never threaten me, it's all passive aggressive.

I have an ex who is similar. He was abusive when we were together. When I left, everything regarding contact was about what suited him and made my life most difficult. It was extremely stressful.

I had constant threats about court and then we went to court. We've been to court several times in fact. I was scared of court but I am now so glad I have a court order. It doesn't mean he doesn't still cause problems but it's not on a daily basis like it used to be.

Let him take you to court. Then you will have a schedule for him to stick to. If he doesn't, back to court. The court order can cover things like how he communicates with you etc.

How much a solicitor would cost depends on what you want them to do. I would go and get some advice. You don't have to use a solicitor in court if you can't afford it.