SS and new pregnancy

[OhDearMeHereWeGo]

After DD was born me and DH both went through a lot of stress with his ex. Think, saying baby should never be born etc etc level of nasty.

This resulted in both me and DH ending up depressed. Add pnd for me, i got very bad. DH ended up on antidepressants. I ended up taking an overdose. (Dd was safe with DH.) This wss when she was 6 months.

Big mistake on mu part. I can't believe how stupid i was to think that was the right thing to do.

Anyway, due to me doing that SS got involved. Met them, all went well. Report showed no ongoing concerns and just offered outside support if wanted to take on.

Five months later myself and DH are a million times better. No depression at all. Over the moon in life. Outside stressors have either minimised or completely gone. And in general we have just learned to manage it all a loy better

Dd is thriving (she was then and the report says as much)

Anyway, we decided to try for another baby. Happened pretty much straight away.

My concern is, how involved would SS be this time round, if at all? There are no concerns for my DD, or our mental health. My care worker has written me a glowing report regarding my mental health and has discharged me from the mental health team.

I'm just nervous about going to the doctors, telling them I'm pregnant and them having social services on my door again. It wad the most shameful time of my life.

Eight months later even. Dd js now 14months

What exactly was their involvement? An assessment? Or a child in need or child protection plan? Or more serious involving court.
I’m my professional experience if you’ve got no current social services involvement and your DD is in your care then they’re unlikely to do anything or even have a referral put into them.

They probably won’t. If they acknowledged the first time that you had post natal and we’re both being treated for depression and offered help, the most they will do this time is get in touch to let you know they’ll offer the same support they offered the first time, should you even need it.

Congratulations on the baby, good luck with your family and try not to spend too much time worrying:)

You're open and you engage with them fully, including going to your GP as soon as possible. I'd imagine there would be may well be some concern over a new baby when you didn't cope well the first time around and there is a very small gap in the timescale. But you got through it last time, and have been discharged which is a huge positive.

I hope things are easier this time around for you.

I think your MW and HV will keep a closer eye on you but if you've been discharged SS shouldn't need to be made aware of pregnancy unless they have concerns.

User - purely assessment. Which apart from pointing out the need to seek support for mental health. Which we done. A long with relationship counciling together just to help us process everything. SS used the term thriving a lot to describe DD so all in all apart from the obvious which needed to ve addressed, (mental health) it was a good report. And SW could see it was through extenuating circumstances that it hit us so hard. Love and care for DD was never in question.

Span1 - timescale is what worried me.

Me not coping with dd was never in question. All reports state what a loving good mother i am abd the bond we have together. It was outside issues that built up over a couple years, exploding when we announced pregnancy to exW. (7 years seperated at that time. No i was not ow.) throughout pregnancy and afterwards during what is understandably a big change in my life which fuelled it.

Now most og those issues have gone, being managed, or learned to handle it a lot better. Individually and as a couple.

Having had mental health problems after the birth of my first son (no social services involvement) I was referred to a specialist mental health midwife during my second pregnancy. She referred me to the perinatal mental health service and I first met my psychiatric nurse towards the end of my pregnancy and saw her regularly in the early months. She was absolutely amazing. I imagine any referral to social services would have come through that route (but again there was no need for referral to social services).

I don’t know what will happen with you but I’d be open to help you’re offered. I know for me I struggled with my mental health again after my second child even though I’d been fine in the intervening years.

Good luck.

Given pregancy can be a stressful time I would expect midwife and health visitor may keep a closer eye and want to check in with you a bit more to check you've got appropriate support, but I wouldn't imagine social services would be involved unless there were concerns.

If you're open and honest and share if you think you need the support or additional input then I can't see why there'd be any problems. People are more likely to run into issues when they try to hide or minimise things because that makes them less objective and raises questions on their judgement.

You sound great OP.

Oh i am more than happy to attend any mental health support they may want to send me on. Or whatever it may be.

I appreciate that despite all the drama side of things being out the way i have clearly shown i cab break and i would much rather that be kept an eye on.

I can't believe i was ever so stupid as to think that was the right thing for my dd at the time. And i would want all yhe support in the world to stop me ever getting to that stage again. The guilt that i failed as a mum when she was so tiny breaks my heart.

I was just concerned SS would come barging in and ruin what i want to actually ve a lovely and enjoyable pregnancy this time round.

Which is silly considering they never barged in the first time, nd were in fact quite lovely and helpful.

Thank you all for easing my mind. What will be involvment wise will be the best for my family and i will take every step needed to keep us all happy and healthy. Now off to tell my hormones off!

This sounds like me.

My SS case was eventually closed last year. I've since fallen pregnant again. The midwife will ask you if social are involved. I would not mention previous involvement. Because if you do they have a "duty of care" to make a referral again purely because you are pregnant. It's not worth it.

Social called me because I'd told midwife about previous involvement. Luckily they didn't bother opening a case because I am in a much better place.

I would suggest that you request to be under your local Perinatal Mental Health Team. You will want to be seen as doing things yourself and actively making sure your mental well being is ok. Because if social do get involved, it's best if you've put things in place yourself.

You did not fail and you have no reason to feel ashamed.

Really? I thought regardless they would find out and it would look worse if you did not admit involvement? My report states i was very open and honest, i don't want to tarnish that by saying no involvement with ss just to have it come out i did

What can i do to show i am helping myself? Dh and I can't afford the 65 a week relationship counselling anymore. Especially when noy needed. And mental health team have discharged me.

What can i do to show i am doing all i can and yhat i am infact a million times better.

Whatthehek - also sorry i forgot to add a congratulations for your pregnancy. I am glad you are better.

Kata - thank you. I know realistically i didn't, i messed up something terrible. But i very nearly could have given my dd a life without a mum who adores her. All because in a stupid state i thought she would be better that way. I will never forgive myself for that.

Speak to your GP and ask them to refer you to a Perinatal Mental Health Team. They will then get in contact with you.

Tbh, I can't see how they would check about previous involvement. They would have to run a check on every single patient if that were the case. The midwife will ask you if there is any social involvement. Not if there's any past. So I personally wouldn't bring it up unless it is specifically asked.

I'm only suggesting it because it seems to be pot luck with SS. It depends on what social worker you get. Sounds as though you were lucky before. I had a terrible time with mine and they made everything worse for me. Not every social worker is the same unfortunately.

I am so sorry you weny through a bad time with them. I was terrified when i got the call, you hear some proper horror stories.

I will contact GP tomorrow and tell all, she supported ke all through my MH crisis so i know i can rely on her to put me towards what i will need

Thank you

Based on what you’ve said they won’t do anything and that’s only if a midwife or GP makes a referral which they may not. I would definitely recommend being honest as you need to be honest about your PND so that the midwives can give you extra support during your pregnancy and after (which hopefully you won’t even need) as a just in case measure. It also does present better when someone has been honest and open especially as you’ll feel you have to watch what you say about what was clearly a distressing time for you. The midwife will know that what you’re describing would cause a referral so will know if you’re not being honest. It’ll also be on your child’s GP files as they would have done checks in the past.
It depends on the area but a lot of places in the UK they’ll provide extra support if someone has previously experienced mental health difficulties they will provide extra support in pregnancy and post birth.
Also you’d be surprised by the amount of people who have had social services assessments completed which have ended with no further action; people don’t really talk about it but it happens a lot and the majority of parents are just trying to do their best while having a bad time of it.

You absolutely do need to tell your midwife and it will look worse if they find out you lied about their involvement.
It'll probably just mean that they'll keep a closer eye on you before and after your baby is born.
Good luck and congratulations.

Don't be an idiot - when they ask about SS involvement be honest.

Thank you. I will be getting an appointment today for my gp and will be completely honest throughout the process.

I still can't believe i allowed this to happen, but for now i have to own that fact for the sake of my dd and future child.

It has eased my mind a lot to know it would be support based if anything. I was so worried i would hit some threshold of "Can't be trusted to be pregnant again" r something ridiculous.

I will absolutely take any help offered to show I'm willing and able. And that dd continues to thrive, as will my next.

After getting that bad last time reality is, especially with dd prevention is better than cure. And in retrospect i got that bad due to telling everyone exacrly what i thought was expected. That i was coping regardless of all the crap. When i wasn't. At all. The only thing that kept my head above water for that long was my dd.

Please- if anyone ever suffers from pnd, or their pregnancy/birth is surrounded by a lot of negatives. Know it is okay to say you're not coping that well. People are there to help you. It doesn't make you a bad parent. Hiding it all away like i did does, because you risk doing something that could have potentially be irreversible and forever affect your child.

I am a SW. I would say to be open with your midwife about what happened and be clear you want to avoid a repeat of this. She will monitor you as will your HV once you have had your baby. There will be no need for SS to be involved at all if all is well.

But why is it fair that just because there was previous involvement, and the case has been closed, that social services have to be bloody informed again just because she's pregnant?

It's like we aren't allowed to move on.

That whole "duty of care" stuff is bollocks. It's a tick boxing processing to cover their asses.

Her midwife will say she will have to inform social of her pregnancy. What if she gets that one social worker who isn't so nice?

It's easy for people to say be honest when they haven't been through it themselves.

Oh and I didn't suggest she hid her previous post natal depression. That's why I suggested she be under their mental health team.

But as for social, nah.

Apollo- thank you :)

Whatthehek - i am so sorry you went through such a bad time with social. But sadly they have to cover themselves.

And if they are going to find out one way or the other it is much better to be honest from the start. Believe me, i know the prospect is scary. And i know iy feels like you're being beaten by your past.

But see it as prevention rather than cure.

I really hope everything works out for you. I can only imagine how scared you must be after having such a bad experience the previous time. Iy is no wonder you want to avoid it completely this time, but it won't help you long term.

In your case, you tried to harm yourself and not your baby in any way so I think it will just be more of a case of keeping up with you and making sure if you feel at breaking point again, you can access help easily, rather than thinking your child is in any danger.

So this would probably be via the midwife and HV when your baby is born rather than SS I would say.

I don't think SS would want to open a case with someone who is doing well and they know will have other professionals around if needed