Mediation question

[Cantsleep22]

Could I have people’s experiences of mediation please? I have a diary and screenshots of messages as well as photo evidence. Is this necessary for mediation or is this only applicable in court? Am I better being over prepared or will I look OTT taking all this along?

You seemingly have the complete wrong idea about mediation and court. You should probably speak to a solicitor before you waste time, money and effort on something that on the face of it sounds irrelevant to divorce/financial settlement/child arrangements

Pardon?! How rude. I don’t have the wrong idea I have been to a mediation assessment and have been accepted along for mediation. I am merely asking how prepared I need to be

What is the purpose of the mediation?

Mediation is about finding a solution together, not about proving how bad the other person is.

The exception to that is if you may be exempt from mediation on grounds of domestic abuse.

I think some of the responses are a bit harsh.

The information the OP wants to put to the mediator may well relate directly to the issues at hand, for example messages demonstrating that her ex is acting unreasonably with regard to access arrangements or that he is deliberately hiding income.

IME it's better to air on the side of being over-prepared and having all the information you might want to refer to available at the mediation. However, as others have said, the aim of mediation is to reach a compromise, so do try and avoid coming across as too confrontational.

It is in relation to my ex husbands drinking! I have screenshots of him fetching alcohol from the boot of his car. I have refused him to drive the children because of this and so we are going to mediation to sort this out. He still has access to the children but is in denial of the drinking. We are hoping to come to an amicable arrangement.

I was merely asking how prepared I need to be but I can see that I won’t be needing the diary or photos so thank you for all your help on this

What does it prove? I have taken alcohol from the boot of a car but I am tee total and I rarely drive. Your concern seems to be about drunk driving, is this something he was convicted of? Is there evidence he drank excessively and then drive a car ?

The mediator is not there to make decisions or judgments. They are there to facilitate discussions between the two of you. They are impartial and the photos will not be relevant to the discussion. The most important thing you need to prepare is a proposed contact schedule or a plan for contact and think about where you are or are not willing to compromise.

Court also would be unlikely to pay any attention to photos of him in possession of alcohol.

I'm a mediator (Aus). I tell all my clients that mediation is not an evidence gathering process so I won't read messages, look at photos etc. as it is not my job to work out who is telling the "truth". A lot of clients get very shitty about this. It is worth gathering that kind of evidence in case mediation doesn't work and you do end up in the legal system.

Be prepared, if there's actual evidence eg drink driving offences then obviously it's useful but I'm not sure photos as you describe will be of consequence. You need to go with an open mind and willingness to compromise putting the kids first. If possible (and saves a fortune) meet beforehand (or via Skype/FaceTime) and get on the same page.

Take it anyway just in case. You don't have to use it.

It sounds like the whole mediation is about his contact with the children and your reason not to want him to drive while drunk seems very very relevant. Take it along. Think of other solutions. if he is always too drunk to look after them propertly could he look after them with his parents present? If the problem is just being too drunk to drive could you and he share the cost of an Uber to get them to him and that kind of thing.