In what circumstance would the court be likely to agree to go from shared residence to lives with Mum/spends time with Dad ? How do I ask for this in court ? I let them know that he has broken the court order a number of times and they didn't mention it in the FHDRA at all.
He has now told me because of the concerns I raised in th C1A - valid and certainly this is the forum in which to raise them and I should be free to do so without consequences...? He has told me the consequence will be that he immediately reduces child maintenance by £75 per month. I don't know how I'm going to be able to pay my bills this winter if he does that... He has been threatening this for months, years... but now he's saying he's finally doing it.
He has taken me to court to get holiday time defined as he doesn't want to have to agree it with me or for me to have a say in it. He just wants 1 week with Mum and 1 week with Dad, which will be very stressful for my DD considering he discourages her from having any contact with me when she's with him and she has been very distressed after 5 days away from me so far, and doesn't seem to get used to it even when I encourage her. I told him that touching base with me during the time away using facetime would help her, or if he reassured when she would next see me again. His response is that she doesn't want to speak to me.
I think it would help my DD to reduce the days she stays overnight with him a little especially in term time as she seems to be struggling a lot. She has special needs to consider and her father denies she has them, blames them on me, and shames her for having them which I think effects her emotionally.
I have excessive difficulty in co-parenting with my ex and with him breaking the court order, isolating our daughter from speaking to me when she's with him, even when it's in the court order etc - being difficult about anything we have to agree together, even down to half a day, 30 mins here, 15 minutes there, telling me direct orders and dictating, withholding permission for our DD to spend Mother's Day with me until the last minute because I wouldn't agree to exactly what he wanted for Easter holidays... and then when he finally agreed he said
"Fine. Call it a day in lieu". (despite me freely offering him to have DD on his birthday and father's day when they were on my weekend, and not seeking to "recover" these days that she missed with me.)
It is clear to me that there is an uneven power dynamic here which he is still using to hold over me.... he is using co-parenting and money to continue control and emotional abuse that was prevalent in our relationship, and this causes me immense stress which obviously affects our DD.
I am courteous to him and flexible when he asks for changes, but I am reticent to agree to long periods of our DD being in his sole care due to safeguarding concerns and her being very distressed when he has not let her facetime or call me during long periods away.
But will the court be interested in hearing about the difficulties with co-parenting at all ? I feel so trapped. If I bring up concerns about his abusive temper, then there are "consequences" from him, and I'm constantly worried about his reaction/ about being painted as this bitter, anxious Mother, which CAFCASS seem to believe him on immediately before they've even spoken to me 