A little shocked by this - CAFFCASS

[Holly221288]

Sorry in advance for the long message but I could do with some opinions from neutral people.

I have a 3 and a half year old son who has a significant speech and language delay, along with other developmental delays. He’s quite possibly autistic however the diagnosis process here is very slow so no official diagnosis.

He hasn’t seen his dad for around 18 months. His dad is an alcoholic and drug addict (heroin). To give the full story when my son was born his dad was in rehab so I took him fortnightly to the centre gradually increasing (with support workers help) to periods of unsupervised contact etc. Once he completed the year rehab program he moved into a supported flat. After around a month, I was contacted by social services as it had been reported he was under the influence and not considered safe to have unsupervised contact so it stopped. However I still took my son to paternal grandparents. After a few months, allowed his dad to see him at paternal grandparents but during this time he relapsed repeatedly. Paternal grandparents kept leaving my son with his dad despite what state he was in so unfortunately I had to stop contact.

My son’s dad decided to take me to court for access. He didn’t do his Cafcass phone interview or turn up for the first hearing. After the second hearing it was decided a section 7 report needed to be done.

I attended my Cafcass face to face and said I would prefer indirect contact for now, letters, photos even video calls. We discussed how much my son would struggle with contact centre as it’s an unknown environment and he is heavily dependent on me.

My son’s dad then had his face to face and turned up heavily intoxicated.

So much to my shock yesterday, they are recommending six contact centre sessions which will be two weeks apart (we only get one hours notice as they will test to see if he’s sober) followed by contact at the paternal grandparents.

My son is going to hugely struggle being handed over to a stranger (he can’t even be left with family, just me and nursery). And due to his language delay they aren’t going to understand him. Plus I’m not going to be able to prepare him properly (we normally use timetables, visual aids etc) due to not knowing if his dad is actually going to turn up. And even more of a concern is then contact through the paternal grandparents who have already proven they can’t be trusted

Would you consider this reasonable? Should I have a solicitor at the magistrates hearing in a couple of weeks when they make the final decision?

Thanks so much in advance

What do you want to happen instead?

Ideally indirect contact until he can prove a period of sobriety. Then longer in the Contact Centre

I’d advise you to see a solicitor, yes.

I’m actually horrified for you! Kids are removed from parents care for less than that and they want the boy to have contact? Wow. I don’t think he should be allowed any contact and neither should your exes parents! That is totally unfair on the child putting him in that situation and unfair to give you that worry.
I hope you get this sorted x

Thank you Sleepyhead19, I really appreciate someone seeing it from my point of view xx

FenellaVelour - do you know if I can use a solicitor even though I didn’t have one at first hearing?

Another one who is horrified for you OP! These people are supposed to be putting the child first! They would be first to ask the question “why did you allow contact to continue?” If you hadn’t stopped it when you did (I know this from experience!) I think your proposal is very reasonable and prioritises the child’s well being.

In my experience the courts will always bend over backwards to make sure that a child has contact with their parents - even if we are talking about a totally useless father.

It is the child's right - so this is not about how you feel about it (if that makes sense). It seems ridiculous I know, particularly when the mother knows damn well that it is putting her child at risk.

I am not sure what you could gain by getting a solicitor involved as this is already going through the system. Do you feel unable to represent yourself and convey your concerns?

I think you will have to go through the process (with the handover etc) and it should soon become abundantly clear to all involved that it's not going to work for your son.

Thanks JoxerGoesToStuttgart I really really appreciate the support.

I’m not one who believes in keeping children from their dads hence why I did the gradual contact in the first place and then tried again, keeping his parents involved. But my sons safety had to come first.

I think I’m more shocked because he turned up at his interview very drunk and they still are recommending contact.

Sicario I think you are absolutely right and have pretty much mirrored my thoughts. I do actually hope that I’m very wrong and it all turns out well but the fact he is still drinking is far from ideal. I just hope the hurt to my son is a minimal as possible as he already has such a lot to deal with

They are giving him a chance by testing him and making it so close together they are seeing whether he can do it. This would be last chance though and is a stage that has to be gone through, a hoop to jump to stop it

The whole situation is ridiculous. I’m all for fathers rights, but it’s got to the point now where they seem to get awarded contact when they clearly should not be within 30 feet of any child. I do think a solicitor would be a good idea now it looks like he’s going to be given contact when he’s still so addicted he can’t even attend a meeting sober. I don’t see why you can’t use one at the next hearing

I think I have less issue with the contact centre (although my son will struggle massively with the handover) at least he will be safe and his dad will be sober. However that will obviously all go out the window at the paternal grandparents which will be indefinite

Do the contact centre staff report back on how the child managed the visits? If your son is incredibly stressed being without you, surely they won’t insist it continues just because exp turns up sober?

I would really hope so but I don’t have much confidence in the system now

Surely if the contact centre visits don't work then he won't get parental supervised contact?

Does the court say the parents have to be there to supervise contact? If so then if your ds is left alone with his father you can go back to court and say the contact order has been broken.

I don’t get it!

I know 3 people who have had their children taken from them and adopted because they used drugs and the children were not safe.

Why on earth are courts trying to insist on this?

He will have to successfully complete the sessions though and I assume he is being tested for alcohol as well. The reason they are so close together is to stop binges in between as much as possible

Children are taking away but chances are given this is his

Yes the court will say the parents need to be there but I won’t have anyway of knowing if they are for the duration. My son wont be able to communicate that to me.

Yes I guess you are right Quartz. It’s just he has had numerous chances in the past

You could "accidently" forget things your son needs and have to nip back and check. Or if they are short sessions just wait outside in the car.

Thanks, I really appreciate everyone taking the time to reply

Is your ex having to complete an AA or drug programme before contact can start?

I’m genuinely shocked. I’ve had SS involvement due to my exp being verbally and emotionally to DC while in his care. SS advised contact be stopped immediately, (which I did) and that Exp complete a parenting course before contact restarted with initial supervised contact (supervised by social worker) then I supervised but SW “dropped in” without notice while DC were there. The parenting class was weekly sessions and lasted for 4 months and it was only when the SW was certain exp realised where he had been going wrong that she said contact could restart. She said if she had been in any doubt that he was just saying what she wanted to hear she would tell him he needed further sessions before any contact could happen. I wish everybody could have the SW I got. She was an amazing.

I think you do need a solicitor. Somebody who knows the system inside out procedurally and can act as an advocate for your son. The system is an ass.

At my CAFCASS session I was told he would need to prove sobriety for a period and attend a parenting course. I was also told the contact would initially be supervised by a social worker.

However the recommendation doesn’t state any of this.

You need to speak to a solicitor. Even if they cannot represent you at this point (though I do not see why not) they can give you legal advice. Speak to a solicitor!!