Advice needed re social services

[Stressedmummyof4]

Hi,
I'm really upset and looking for some advice please, not even sure I have posted in the correct place.

I received a letter on Tuesday from our local Social Services office from the Children's and Families Team, asking to come out to our house for a meeting following the information they have received from a Health Professional.

On the bottom of the letter was the file location and one of my child's names were there, so I know which child this is relating too.

It offers you to call them for information, which I did.

Turns out Speech and Language have made a referral to them, we met with our therapist around 2 weeks ago when my little one had their ASD assessment, they spent over an hour together, whilst I and dad were with the paediatrician.

Something concerning has obviously been said for her to do this, but in all honesty, I am so confused to what that could be.

I am so worried, haven't slept or eaten since, feel physically sick, can anyone tell me what to expect, please?

Oh bless you, how upsetting and worrying for you. My boys both have ASD so I know you’re going through enough stress as it is. I don’t have any experience but wanted to give a hug and a bump.

Is it possible they’ve referred you because they think you need some support? I don’t know how severe your child’s issues are. Hopefully you can get to the bottom of it quickly.

Thanks SinkGirl, on the whole, we are managing very well and he has been a lot more settled since the school holidays started. Beforehand he was struggling mainly at school and was becoming quite generous with lifting his hands Perhaps wrongly I did in a softly way ask in conversation like what games did you play with speech and language and what did you talk about.

He's told me he told her that when hes in trouble he gets sent to his room with no electronics and tv, which i assume is fine?

he said she asked what home life was like and what I and dad were like, he said we shout at each other a lot, so I'm assuming this could possibly be it? But I've had such a rough couple of months, I was dealing with his behaviours, struggles with school and at the same time had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, so was also hormonal, and did take this out on his dad quite a bit, which I know is wrong I feel like I have failed massively x

Well if that is all it is you have nothing to worry about. Hopefully once they visit the file will be closed. Or as pp suggested they may think you need suppport.
Try to evidence that you are getting help to deal with your miscarriage if you can ( support group , gp etc ).
They are not going to sweep in and remove your child if there is nothing else going on
Sorry for your loss as well x .

And you haven't failed. I have an autistic child and it is v hard work and school hols are a special level of hell !

Try not to worry, this is only an assessment visit. They will talk to you about the referral and about the children. They will probably ask for your consent to get information from other agencies. They will speak to the children and assess whether or not they think there is any risk.
The SALT should have told you that they were making the referral. It's very bad practice that they didn't.

Flapjackfairy I am ill, we have never had anything like this, unfortunately, I never sought any help, apart from medical help, after my loss, so I have nothing like that.

Although obviously, it still hurts I think I have done well to move on from it, as in im not sitting crying every day and certainly not arguing or shouting every day.

I'm gutted that things have gone like this, apart from that I also worry he has told them something silly, in primary one he told his teacher that his dad was going to jail, which he certainly was not. I had to go into a meeting in school with dad to show this was not the case.

CodenameVillanelle, SALT didn't mention anything at all, would I be within my right to call her and ask?

There is a legal requirement for social services to carry out care assessments for all children in need, which includes disabled children. This isn't a child protection issue, it is to ascertain whether you need any help. It may be that that is all this is.

Please don't think they are going to come in and take away your child. unless things are very bad in your home e.g. poo lying about on the floor/smeared on the walls, sexual abuse, serious physical abuse, then that is not going to happen. SS will contact anyone who has contact with your child e.g. school and GP to see if they have noticed and issues. For example more than normal amount of injuries, unusual injuries, underweight, etc.
Depending on your local office, if they get good reports back they may close the referral at this stage. But even if reports back are good some places will also do a home visit. Things they look at include do the children have beds to sleep on with bedding, is there food in the house, is the bathroom useable e.g. some houses have things stored in bathroom so you can't use the bath or sinks, level of cleanliness e.g. poo on floor, hoarders house, etc. Also whether you or his dad if he is there talk to each other and your dc, or whether you shout and are aggressive to each other in how you communicate. They should also check with you if there is any domestic violence happening. They will check police records for violence or any incidents against children.

If there really are no major issues, then nothing else will happen. Social services do not give support to normal families struggling unless you have severely disabled children, and even then not much. Those days have long gone. If there is not more you are not telling us, then it may be that your child said something that could sound much worse than it is. Most of us have experience of our young kids saying something happened that sounds awful, because they don't give the full story. But a therapist who has met your child once only knows what they see and are told, so they would have to refer.

Apologies. If it is a care assessment then there is nothing to worry about at all. But this should have been made clear to you.

You need to realise that they have a concern. They probably think your son is at risk. He could have something or over exaggerated and made out that he is being neglected? Punished too severely? Hit?

You need more information. Ask SW for more info.
Be very careful what you say and how you phrase it.

Make sure you are always accompanied when you meet SW'er: either your Dh or get your mum now to agree to always be with you.

Then your mum will be able to confirm what is said.

Hope you get it cleared up and resolved quickly.

Thank you, everyone, for your re-assurance. I have gone into panic mode, I am not used to having anything like this in our family or even extended family.

I am confident that my home is clean, my kids have beds bedding and everything normal in a home, facilities to use and food in our fridge. No 'extra' injuries, my little one frequents the doctor for asthma but other than that nothing.

My kids know they are loved and if anything is perhaps babied. We do not hit, but I can be guilty of raising my voice which I hold my hands up to.

I would like to think our school would back me in that my children are always presented well and clean and that they have always had 100% support from myself and dad. if anything I am guilty in fighting for what my kids need.

We havent had any other involvement with anyone else, neither I or dad have been arrested or any involvement with the police, have never had to call them and they have never had to attend my home.

This had just taken the feet from underneath me, but thank you again!

Why did school need a meeting even if dad WAS going to jail? Is that standard?

@C0untDucku1a I have no idea, school depute head phoned and asked if we could pop in at home time. She said that he had told his teacher that dad was going to jail, and she wanted to know if there was any support that she could offer us to help.

We were mortified at first but by the end of the meeting we were laughing and we have absolutely no idea why he would have said it, he was primary 1 at the time, now primary 4.

Does he spend any time with other adults or friends when you’re not there? Perhaps he has mentioned something from that context. You won’t know until the meeting but don’t panic. Sounds like whatever it is will be sorted fairly quickly.

An thats sounds like they were trying to do a good thing then. If true he would have needed a lot of support.

@FredaFrogspawn - No he's with me 24 / 7, doesn't stay with anyone and doesn't actually go out to play unless, in the back garden, fingers crossed its solved quickly.

@C0untDucku1a - Absolutely, it would have been a great thing had dad actually been going, luckily he wasn't though. I have to say on the whole the school, especially his depute head has been great with him, she has a way of bringing him round when he is upset, we're very lucky to have her!

You need to realise that they have a concern. They probably think your son is at risk.

Not necessarily. It's really quite dangerous to assume that social services only ever make contact because of child protection concerns. They have a duty under section 17 Children Act 1989 to carry out care assessments for children in need; the definition of child in need includes children with disabilities, and most children with SEN fit the definition of disabilities.

@Tonnerre the assessment would that normally be me who would request that or is it possible that as the salt done the assessment that's what the referral is? Many thanks