In need of help! Property issues - divorce

[Londongirl07]

My ex husband and I purchased our home 12 years ago, we were not married at the time. We had our first child so he was working for the first year and then I returned back to work. Forward 6 years later we had another child and it wasn’t feasible for me to return back to work due to childcare costs so he worked and i became a sahm for 2 years and worked part time there after and my wages covered bills whilst his covered mortgage and car.

After 10 years of being together we finally married however the marriage lasted 6 months (don’t fix what wasn’t broken hey!?) anyway he was trying to force me out of the home with our 2 children and expected me to live at my parents but I refused why should I uproot 2 kids for his benefit so he moved out. He went to live straight away with another woman (my old best friends sister) which I then find out they became very friendly and now have a baby. He also took the car so left me and the children with no form of transport so I could take them school etc.

Anyway, enough dragging on. He is trying to force me to sell the house so he can “move on with his life” and buy another home. I cannot do this because I have only just started working full time. I know legally he cannot force me to sell until the kids are 18 however he is pushing and pushing and now demanding that he gets half of what I sell the house for (when I do) however I am not happy with this. Since the day he left I’ve been paying the mortgage alone, all the bills alone and practically for the children alone (he gives £30 a week for both kids - even though he earns enough to pay more and just bought a £40k car).

My question is, is he entitled to half of when I do sell? I would’ve thought it would be a certain percentage from the date he left. I had the house valued a few months after he left so I have that in writing. Again I’ve been paying the mortgage and maintenance of the house since he left. We are divorced however the financial side of things have not been sorted.

When we purchased the house my parents gifted us with a deposit of £20k and my mother is on the deeds and mortgage too as at the time we didn’t earn enough for the mortgage lenders criteria. My mother has already said she does not want her 33.3% which I agree with it wouldn’t be fair to him, she only came on to help us on the property ladder as we were only 18 at the time.

I can’t afford to seek legal advice as money is so tight but I just don’t know where I stand with things? I don’t want to be horrible and screw him over but i also do not want to lose out, I’ve been paying for everything for nearly 3 years alone.

He’s not a nice person and rly doesn’t make an effort with our kids. Only has them twice a week as that’s all he wants refuses to have them any longer, there’s always a time limit with them and refuses to pay for anything the kids may want and hardly provides for them...sorry I guess that last bit was a rant lol!

My advise here is that You cannot afford not to seek legal advice ! Why should he bully you , take your mums money and not pay enough for his children properly ? Take control back as it sounds like hes bullying you into doing what he wants. You and your children are important here as is your finsncial future dont let him make those decions for you . He lost that right when you divorced . I know your prob exhausted but this is very important to get right and you need legal legal advise and to be v strong . My ex did the same pushed and pushed me but i stood up (although i was a wreck and he got worse, be prepared for that) for me and my children .. we are now happy and secure he is not

As you were married you are entitled to a fair share of the assets of the marriage. That includes the house. No-one on here can tell you what a fair share will look like in your case. It may be more or less than 50% of the assets. And, even if he is entitled to a share of the house, you may, as you say, be able to delay any sale until your children have grown up.

I agree with the previous poster. You cannot afford not to take legal advice. You need to see a solicitor. Trying to do this without legal advice could cost you and your children thousands of pounds.

Where did you find out that you don’t have to sell until the children are 18? That is not an automatic right and might not apply to you depending on the ages of the children and your circumstances. (I had to sell up and had two small dc.) You do need legal advice as everyone’s circumstances are different.

I agree with the above posters. It’s not as simple as asking your question and getting an answer so you know where you stand.

I know legally he cannot force me to sell until the kids are 18
Just wanted to respond to this. This is absolutely not the case thst legally you can stay in the house until the youngest is 18.

If you work FT and could afford to buy a property with the proceeds on this house that meets the needs of the children, then a judge could very well ordered a sale. I was there 15 years ago and was advised legally not to rely on being able to stay in the house due to my income. In the end, I was just about able to buy him out and get the mortgage on my name only.

If your income is low every working FT, then this might apply but not forcibly until the youngest is 18.

Thanks all for that I was under the illusion that because I’m the primary carer for the kids he couldn’t enforce a sale on the house.

My income on full time is not enough to buy on my own even after the sale of the house. I am trying to get my accounts together and look in to trying to remortgage next year and just buy him out but I’m not sure would I need to
Give him a certain percentage of the price at the time of sell or remortgage or from the date he left and stopped paying for the mortgage and maintenance of the home?

Well the fact that your mum owns a third is something that is worth exploiting. If she is entitled to a third, why not just sell? Your mum can give you her her third later?

Just to repeat the advice I and others have given, you need to see a solicitor. He may be entitled to less than you think.

You say you can't afford to seek legal advice. In your situation, not seeking legal advice is a false economy which could leave you and your children thousands of pounds poorer.

@AJPTaylor my mum was solely on here to help us get the property she has already said she does not want to benefit and will not be unfair to him which is fine. He was in the family for 13 years, none the less he is being a d!ck! Which sometimes annoys me and wish my mum would want to help her daughter a lot more considering I’m the main carer for the children and also paying for the house.

I am going to get my finances together as I’ve just started working full time and I will find a solicitor to get advice.

Thanks everyone for your time. I was really misguided with somethings!

Go to CSA.
If he refuses to pay you can off set it against the house by putting a charge on his part.

I agree your mum should be backing you here this is your future although my mum didn't either as she too had an abusive marriage ( my dad pattern here ) .

As he hasn’t paid a penny towards the mortgage or the upkeep of the house and he is on the deeds and mortgage am I able to try and set that against any money he would make from the house once I do sell it?

He keeps throwing in my face because I’m staying in the house with our kids that he isn’t going to pay me more and that he has another child too to feed. He really rubs me up the wrong way

Sorry I should have wrote as he hasn’t paid a penny towards the mortgage of upkeep of the house since he left nearly 3 years ago.

As he hasn’t paid a penny towards the mortgage or the upkeep of the house and he is on the deeds and mortgage am I able to try and set that against any money he would make from the house once I do sell it?

No you can’t.

Taking the emotion out of it, you have 100% use of a house he owns an equal share of so technically speaking, he could have asked you to pay him rent for using his share of the house & then used that rent to pay his share of the mortgage. Obviously that would’ve been a convoluted way of doing things so in lieu of paying him a separate rent, you’ve just been paying 100% of the mortgage instead.

So your mortgage payment breaks down as:

• 50% your share of the mortgage for your share of the house.

• 50% rent (owed to him but paid direct to the mortgage company) for using his share of the house - this covers his share of the mortgage so technically he’s still paying in & therefore still building equity iyswim.

It’s viewed this way because on “only” 40k he isn’t considered a high earner therefore he can’t get another mortgage whilst tied to the current house nor can he live in it nor can he get his money out to build his own equity so he retains a right to a possible share of any equity as it stands on the date you sell / buy him out, not the date he left.

Now, the above ONLY pertains to your mortgage payments in isolation, hopefully when all things are considered you’ll get a bigger percentage of all assets plus adequate child maintenance.

@MissSueDenim thank you for that clarity. I really don’t want to take him for a ride or screw him over but I think the fact he pays hardly anything for 2 boys really gets to me. I’m having to be practically the sole provider for them.

No problem London & I absolutely agree that it’s disgusting that he doesn’t pay for your boys. Have you gone to CSA to get a formal arrangement in place for child maintenance? As mummy said upthread, you might be able to offset non payment against his share of the house.

Also I just realized that I misread your post & he doesn’t earn 40k but has bought a 40k car!! Please get legal advice & delay the sale of the house until you do, there are so many things to consider when it comes to getting a settlement & it’s important that you try to get as much as possible for your two boys.

I think the fact he pays hardly anything for 2 boys really gets to me
It's been 3 years - why haven't you applied to CMS for maintenance?
Have either of you got the ball rolling regards divorce yet?
Cos normally the house issue would be resolved as part of the divorce process.

@SavingSpaces2019 the divorce is done but not the finances...

Thing is I know he earns a certain amount a month but he hides some and claims he earns half of what he really earns so if i went throughout CMS i would probably earn only £2-3 extra! It’s so frustrating.

Can you persuade your mum that it would be better to use her third as trust for the children?

Why hasn't the financial side of divorce been sorted out earlier ?

The starting point would be 50/50
Just because he doesn't live in the property, it doesn't mean that he doesn't still own 50 percent or a third if your DM is on the deeds

You also need to look at child maintenance, pensions, savings, other assets

Definitely need a family lawyer asap

He done the divorce proceedings. I had no money for a solicitor this was straight away, I wasn’t working I had no way of doing this. He went ahead and done it and the finance side wasn’t dealt with...I assume that can be done at a later stage?

There’s no savings or pension he has. As mentioned he earns more than he claims so if I went through CMA he would pay only £3 more than he is now.

Sorry I mean CMS