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Ex wants to force the sale of our home

44 replies

Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 11:09

Hi has anyone been in the position that their ex is issuing court proceedings to force the sale of the family home? I've been split with him for just over two years now. We were not married but together for 13 years. We have one daughter together, who he hasn't seen since he left for a married woman. I have had non stop threats from him and his solicitor for the entire two years but stayed here so my daughter could finish primary school. His solicitor contacted me 2 weeks ago asking for immediate sale of the property, but the past year as well as his grief I have been trying to get treatment for her as she has a leg length discrepancy which is causing her great pain, her knee dislocates all the time, she has stopped doing any kind of sport because it's too painful and may need an operation at 12 to cut her growth plate. This was all explained to us both when she had an operation at 9 months after being born with no hip joint. So he is very aware of this. I have kept him informed through the two years sending his solicitor school reports, exam results, photos and medical reports but he has chosen to ignore them all. I believe it is his girlfriend stopping him having any communication with either of us. So over the past year I've tried to get my daughter's health issues dealt with. I had to transfer hospitals originally because he used to cover her under his company private health but that all left when he did. I only work part time to fit around school hours so cannot afford it. Initially the nhs were great but last year after her knee starting dislocating we waited 8 months for an appointment, it kept getting cancelled, my doctors wrote 3 letters to say it was urgent due to her history. These were ignored everytime. When we eventually got the appointment the surgeon misdiagnosed her and said he wasn't worried but she needed physio on one knee. The physio appointment either never was referred or got lost so a year later we were no further forward. Eventually after contacting my local MP twice and her writing to the chief executive of the hospital we have seen a wonderful doctor this week who confirmed her leg length discrepancy and she has started physio and is being measured for an orthotic so this sale comes at a completely bad time. She is also starting senior school in September. I asked his solicitor for an extension of time to stay in the house until her hip, leg, knee is more stable and they responded to say he is issuing court proceedings within the next 14 days. The fact he has a new mortgage with his girlfriend in excess of £240k and earns £100k a year is unbelievable that he would do this at such a crucial stage in her life. I work 20 hours a week and for the first time ever get tax credits. He is also applying for 50% of the equity and me to pay his court fees? What are the chances of him winning this? It's been a very very stressful 2 years already but I've got through it. He does pay child maintenance payments as I went to CMS after he refused for the first 5 months.

OP posts:
HeyMonkey · 16/08/2019 11:14

Is the house jointly owned? Joint tenants or tenants in common?

Shinesweetfreedom · 16/08/2019 11:20

What has your solicitor suggested

Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 11:22

We severed the tenancy in the first year.

OP posts:
Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 11:27

Last year after all the hassle I sent him an offer to sell with immediate effect suggested by my solicitor it gave me a slightly higher percentage of equity. Obviously I was thinking of my daughter. He initially refused and after 4 months agreed. At the time I had just under 1 month to apply for senior school so said once I had done that I would put the house up for sale. He revoked the deal after 19 days. My solicitor said this was unreasonable, she also said that no court would expect me to pay his court fees. But when I move we are going to totally be moving our of the county so I cannot afford for her treatment, doctors appointments to start all over again in a different hospital because she has a 1 year deadline for them to make a decision whether to operate or not.

OP posts:
iVampire · 16/08/2019 11:30

I think you will find that orthotics and physio would be insufficiently persuasive in themselves.

As for timings, you’ve had 2 years to prepare for this and had agreed sake at this point, which again makes it harder.

What does your solicitor advise?

HappyHammy · 16/08/2019 11:31

Are you paying the mortgage on the house. Is it also in your name.

HennyPennyHorror · 16/08/2019 11:34

I'm afraid I agree with vampire.

Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 11:36

I've paid the full mortgage since he left but the property is in both names and I can afford to buy him out.

OP posts:
Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 11:38

So the well being of a child under 18 won't be taken into account even if I apply the children's act?

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Embracelife · 16/08/2019 11:39

You have choice of hospitals so even moving out of county you might not have to move hospital treatment . Check this properly. Eg relativehastrestmeng in England but lives in Wales.
You could rent in county while waiting if catchment is an actual issue

Embracelife · 16/08/2019 11:41

Wellbeing is taken into account but there is nothing to stop you buying or renting in same area
You dont have to live in exact same property.

Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 11:41

She last suggested offering the higher equity again with an immediate sale. But he is wanting to take charge on solicitor, estate agents even though last year I got 3 valuations he is saying I got the property undervalued. He will not be marketing the property and I need someone I can trust as we live here

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 16/08/2019 11:50

Would it be possible to get three.new.valuations.yourself.and.just.buy.him out

Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 11:54

I work 20 hours a week so cannot afford to buy him out. If I increase my hours I also increase my child care costs so at the moment it isn't worth it.

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Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 11:56

I'm happy to get 3 more valuations that isn't a problem but think it's because he wants to use purple bricks so has no costs. Does anyone know if I would be ordered to pay his court costs? This is the main worry because that will reduce my equity even less on top of sale costs, solicitor costs at court etc.

OP posts:
timshelthechoice · 16/08/2019 11:58

He can definitely push for a sale. I don't really think you have grounds to stay there. You need to pursue adequate CMS to ensure he pays to support his child so you can increase your hours at work. With her moving to secondary school, if you must move you will be moved to Universal Credit and they will expect you to work more than 20 hours.

Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 12:08

I have 2 problems with the hours. Firstly I do not have great health, thyroid problems and scoliosis with severe arthritis in my lower spine bit I preserve every day to do my job and it's hard. The 2nd problem is since him leaving he has caused lots of trouble, threats to break in, telling my daughter he's going to put her in a home all kids of nasty things. She is scared to stay with unknown people, so she goes to an outer school club where she knows the people well. I tried to get her counselling at primary school but they had children with alot worse issues to deal with understandably she wasn't helped. She cries even if I am 5 minutes late and stuck in traffic because she thinks I am leaving her! It's not a case of toughening up, I believe children experience this sometimes when one parent abandone them?!

OP posts:
Embracelife · 16/08/2019 12:15

At seconddary she wont need so much chiidcare
Push gp for camhs referral
Secondary school will have wellbeing support so make sure she accesses that
Also hospital can refer to psychologist if you argue it s linked to her medical issues

runoutofnamechanges · 16/08/2019 12:19

I'm not a lawyer but I do have a friend in a similar position. You don't have any rights to the property other than your share of the equity but your daughter might have the right to continue living there under schedule 1 of the Children's Act 1989.

www.stewartslaw.com/expertise/divorce-and-family/financial-provision-for-unmarried-couples/

Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 12:23

I pushed for this for 2 years at primary school. It was hard work but as she is the model pupil they couldn't see an issue. I will ask once she starts senior school. But moving would also mean a new school and leaving all her friends, neighbours etc that she's only ever known because we have no family around us. It's very sad that he could destruct other people's life in this way for his monetary gain and selfishness. His girlfriend left her two kids with her husband as well.

OP posts:
Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 12:29

I don't want the property and never wanted more than an equal share of the equity it was never the plan. My daughter has always been my concern. The solicitor suggested the larger share of equity last year. I am happy to sell and move just wanted a little more time. Maybe 6 months or less if she starts getting the right treatment and answers I need. It's not a big ask from a father is it? He's moved on has a mortgage, 3 or 4 holidays every year and a good salary.

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 16/08/2019 12:42

would you consider renting or buying through a housing association if you want to stay in the same area, do you really want to stay in the house? selling through purple bricks is cheaper than e.a. so is that why he suggested them. do you qualify for any benefits that could help you with rents/housing schemes. do you think maybe he just wants it all sorted out and thinks that you are just delaying the sale

Jessbow · 16/08/2019 12:45

You asked him to hold off until the end of primary school, and he did.
Now you want him to hold off again?

its not fair to expect him to continue to do so, once dau has orthotics, its only the physio thats a problem- and that can be done anywhere

Chrischicken46 · 16/08/2019 12:54

She has a leg length discrepancy because if her earlier hip operation the leg is growing faster because the extra blood flow. She may need another op to cut her growth plate that's what I am. Trying to find out. It's not the physio I'm worried about or the orthotic. I'm fighting to get this treatment as an addition to maintain a normal life again.

OP posts:
DownToTheSeaAgain · 16/08/2019 13:03

I am no lawyer but I imagine that at some point the pushing for 'stays of execution' might be seen as obstructive delaying tactics in the sale of the house. So if he is forced to go to court because you refuse to go ahead with the sale you may at some point become liable for the court fees.

Unfortunately the fact that he is a turd will have little sway. The law is an ass.

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