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Legal matters

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I feel like I’m in prison and have no rights

10 replies

Kadymbeth92 · 31/07/2019 13:05

I am currently living in my house with my two children and my husband who I have separated from and the living situation has become more and more toxic and volatile each day.
It all started 18months ago when my husbands affair with my best friend was exposed. My husband and I had only been married 9months before the affair started and she was my “best friend” for 14 years, I had suspected something was going on and they both said I was crazy, and I even went to the doctors for antidepressants and sleeping tablets. Her children were my children’s best friends too and we would be in each other lives almost daily, we even went on holiday together and spent Christmas Day together. My children have been left upset and confused about why they don’t see their friends anymore.
Since this betrayal I have tried to make the marriage work several times, been through counselling and it cannot work - I know deep down I can never forget or forgive. Also his behaviour since had progressively got worse. He was physically aggressive on two occasions with me which was when I decided I was going to take the children to stay with my mother in my home town. She lives on her own in a four bedroom house that the children have visited on many occasions. Their father has issued me with an injunction to stop me taking the children as she lives 400miles away.
He refuses to leave our 2 bedroom house despite having lots of family nearby where he could stay, whereas I have no family to go to in our area.
He can be verbally aggressive to the children and loses his temper quickly over the slightest things. He has made threats of violence towards me in arguments and then dismissed them later when I question him about it. He says I exaggerate when I look back over the things he’s said and done and says I provoke him to cause an argument and I push his buttons so he loses his temper again and he says I do this to discredit him as a father.
I am now stuck in this hostile living situation and I’m constantly walking on eggshells, I am applying to the court to relocate with the children which he is defending. And he currently has a temporary injunction order on me removing the children from the area we live.
I just don’t know what to do anymore - I feel like this is just my life now and we are stuck. He also smoke cannibas every evening and denies this is a problem.
I still have to share a bed with him which I find incredibly uncomfortable because of the threats he’s made but he says it was a joke, didn’t mean it, said it out of anger or frustration but in all honesty I’m not 100% sure of what he’s capable of anymore. He keeps a large metal pole beside the bed incase of intruders.
Am I exaggerating? Has anyone else been in this situation? Can I leave with the children despite this injunction? I feel like I can’t take much more of his Jekyll and Hyde behaviour! One minute he threatens to push me in front of a bus the next he’s saying he loves me and wants to get back together!
What would happen if me and the children left with the injunction still in place?
We have another court hearing next month but I’m anxious about the weeks leading up to it!
Any advice or help anyone can give will be greatly appreciated. I am so confused most of the time and regularly doubt myself and the whole situation

OP posts:
nilcarborundum · 31/07/2019 18:57

Op, sorry I can't help, but you May get more answers if you post in relationships Smile

PaquitaVariation · 31/07/2019 19:00

Can you at least move out somewhere nearby?

Lwmommy · 31/07/2019 19:04

At the very least move to the sofa, you can't keep sharing a bed with him.

Going against the injunction would not be likely to go in your favour, but is it at all possible for you to get a short term rental somewhere within the bounds of the injunction.

I would recommend contacting women's aid or shelter to see if you can get any assistance.

Fontofnoknowledge · 31/07/2019 19:06

The injunction only prohibits you from leaving the area. Do you have access to money that would allow you to move in to rented in the same place. ANYTHING would be better than you are living in now..
Or you could apply for an occupation order that requires him to leave. Cite the violence both mental and physical along with the cannabis use. You can do this yourself if no funds for a lawyer..

M0RVEN · 31/07/2019 19:07

No you are not exaggerating and it sounds awful.

But no, you can’t remove the children until the court has made a decision. You MUST listen to your solicitor on all legal matters.

Could you sleep in the children room, they could go on a mattress on the floor?

Do you have any evidence of his violent threats and his drug use ? Text messages, witnesses ? If so keep everything.

Deal with your husband by going grey rock ( google it ). It’s one strategy for coping while you still have to live with him.

wallowinwater · 31/07/2019 19:20

Contacting women's aid may be useful re the threats and Rightsofwomen.org for legal advice. Sleeping with a metal pole by the bed is intimidating. Blaming you for him loosing his temper and making threats is gaslighting. The family courts have very little power in enforce anything in reality. If you and your kids don't feel safe leave and go to your mothers.

NoWayDidISayThat · 31/07/2019 19:28

Can you sleep in the kids room?
It sounds a horrible situation. Do you work locally?

Kadymbeth92 · 31/07/2019 19:39

I have only just qualified as I was retraining. So I am now looking for a job. I have no savings so cannot rent anything.
The sofa is something u have been contemplating but when I’ve mentioned it before he’s reacted badly because he says I’m over reacting.
Thank you all for your advice I will contact woman’s aid tomorrow and ask them what they advise and I will google what they rock is.
Smile

OP posts:
ErrmWTAF · 01/08/2019 02:09

Sooooo much of this is not legal, but emotional/mental. And as much as you need some legal advice ice (and you DO! Women's aid/NCDV/your local council's DA team or local police team (ring at least ONE tomorrow), the main thing you need to do is re-align your thinking.

I know, easier said than done, but, a year from now, hopefully, you'll be reading your words to the effect that he threatens your health/life/etc and you both STILL think it's ok that you sleep in the same bed, etc, and - I dearly wish for you - your future you says "what the fuck was I thinking?!?"

This isn't right. If you don't know it yet, please just trust the Wise Women, and go get your own IRL advice. Please.

wibbletooth · 01/08/2019 11:54

Where is he smoking cannabis? Could you just invite the police over one night when he is doing it (if at home) and quietly let them in so that they can arrest him and issue some sort of order to forbid him to return to the house while the dc are around..,

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