FHDRA child contact when child doesn't want to go

[themuminator]

I split several years ago due to domestic abuse. I had non-mol but accepted undertakings to avoid lengthy fact finding hearing because I couldn't face it.

Now he has started child arrangements. My child really doesn't want to go that often, is uncomfortable there, feels pressured. I don't really have major concerns for welfare other than a controlling and pressuring ex which is causing my child's anxiety.

Child is 12, has OCD and separation (from me) anxiety. Is happy to speak to Cafcass to say what they want to happen. Doesn't want to stay overnight at all, but ok to go as and when they want to, on weekends for a few hours etc. Has done some overnights (maybe 6 in a year) but not to a schedule and tends to be when other family members are there - like grandparents.

Older child is happy to go to a schedule and I'm comfortable as long as they are. Although I do worry that normalising controlling behaviour might be a problem later on in life.

Ex is saying child's anxiety is down to me and I'm not letting them stay over. They did a statement basically claiming I'm a bad mother because I work full time! And that because non-mol taken to undertakings that I've obviously lied about DV!

Questions:
Will a court make my child go overnight when they really don't want to?
What will happen if they then don't go if there is a court order? Will I get into trouble?
Do I really need to do a statement before I go to court? I'm representing myself but brief solicitor advice said it wasn't needed.

My position is that if child doesn't want to go, I can't make them. I have encouraged all I can, but it can backfire and I know it can look like I'm then pressuring my child. It is a fine line.

I'm also really not comfortable about being in court with abusive ex. Not sure how I'm going to get through. Any help gratefully accepted.

I would explain to tour child that sometimes in life we have to do things we dont want to. And that these things can often turn out to be better than we feared.That they have a father who they have inherited half their genes from and who loves them and wants to see them more.

The court will take your child's wishes into account but that doesn't necessarily mean they will follow those wishes. So yes, the court may make your child go overnight. If they then fail to go you will be in breach of the court order. Your ex would be able to go back to court and ask them to enforce the order. The court has a range of sanctions they can use in this situation ranging from fines and community service through to imprisonment and/or changing who your child lives with. It is unlikely you will face the harsher sanctions but you need to be aware that, as far as the courts are concerned, if they order contact you must make sure your child is available. They won't accept your statement that, "if child doesn't want to go, I can't make them". They would treat it the same as a parent saying their child doesn't want to go to school and they can't make them. You are the parent. If the court orders contact, you must make sure your child goes.

@prh47bridge
Thank you that is really useful information. What I'm concerned about is that my child is being caused anxiety by feeling that they have to go. Especially given their past experiences.
I don't think that a court ordering them will help this situation. I will never make my child do something they are not comfortable with. I think that is something any parent has a handle on - knowing when they just don't want to because it is easier not to, or when they really are not happy going.
I guess all I can do is say this to the CAFCASS people and the court. And at the worst, I still won't make them go if they aren't happy to do so. And I'll have to suffer the consequences.