Child maintenance before divorce. Confused.

[boringornot]

DH said he doesn't want to divorce. So my only option is to live separated for the of years necessary before I get the official divorce, right?

In the meantime, does he have to pay maintenance? DC are 9 and 6 and I haven't worked for the last 8 years.

How do I rent a place and how can I make sure that he will pay for the DC right after we leave home?

He won't leave the house we're in. It's rented in both names.

There haven't been adultery or domestic violence. More like a normal "breakdown of relationship".

Thanks!

Phone CSA thought they’ll take a couple of weeks to process the claim and you’ll have to pay the initial fee since there wasn’t DV.

As for renting a house, you get a job and save for a deposit, view some houses and apply.

To gain some financial independence, are you looking for work. You should qualify for Tax Credits and Housing Benefit depending how many hours you work.

Have you discussed maintenance with him?

No, I haven't discussed maintenance with him. He gets very angry when I talk about divorce, so I want to gather as much information as I can before telling him I really want out (he will freak out and try to make everything as difficult as possible)

There is one catch, though. We're not living in the UK, but we both are British citizens. We are in Germany, and it seems that if one or both spouses are British, we can divorce using the British law.

I'm trying to find out what are my options, and what is the best course of action. I don't have a job and don't speak the language, which makes everything more complicated.

Missing, I know how rents work, thank you :) I think your suggestion will take quite a long time, right? Suppose I don't have all this time to save money, what should I do?

Google "Maintenance pending suit".

You will need a solicitor. Good luck, go get yours.

Boring everything takes time yes, struggling to see how you plan to support yourself and your children if you can’t even be bothered to learn the language of the country you live in though or how you expected anyone to be able to help you without letting them know that you weren’t living in the uk 🙄

Child maintenance service only usually get involved if the parties live in the UK Op so I’m not sure what your position will be if you are in Germany?

I’d get your ducks in a row, start looking for work, teaching English perhaps?? What skills do you have that are transferable there? If you have a degree there are online teaching schools where essentially you teach via Skype.

Could you even afford to rent on your own?
Is there a benefits system in Germany?

nearly that's what I'm trying to do, get my ducks in a row. They have a benefits systems here, I'm planning to go to the office to find out more once the dc are back in school.

I read that I could use the uk divorce law here. Apparently the divorce proceedings are completely independent from the maintenance proceedings, right?

I'm new to all this, so I'm starting to find out about everything now.

are you planning to come back to the UK = OP?

be very careful he dosent stop you from taking the children out of the country. Or worse, if you come back he can take them with him etc..

carly I'm thinking of moving to Portugal (we where planning to move there together a few years ago). But I'm aware it can be a problem to move countries with children.

Are you armed forces? There will be support there if you are. If not then a lot of companies in Germany are ok with just English.

Do you speak Portuguese? Do you have a Portuguese passport?

I'm really not sure moving to another EU country where you don't have a support base is the right move when you're getting divorced, Brexit is looming and you've been a SAHM for some years. You need good advice, both in family law and immigration. You need to speak to a solicitor, possibly two.

@boringornot I would think twice about moving to Portugal to be honest, it’s a lovely country which yes cost of living is very low however wages match this. The average job is only around 600 euros a month even for very good jobs. Ie doctors only earn around 30k a year!!

What a very precarious situation to be in. I don't know how I would manage as a single parent unless I worked. Do you speak any German at all?

Unless you are able to find work you need to consider applying for jobs in the U.K.- look up German maintenance laws but most European countries assume the non working partner will seek employment, they have better nursery provision and wrap around care than we do. Perhaps German lessons are a must!

mkenyaujerumani.de/2013/10/05/child-support-and-the-laws-governing-it-in-germany/

The German laws in English!

How will your husband see the children see the children if you are in Portugal and he is in Germany? Or have I misunderstood your plans?
Have you got transferable skills and can speak Portuguese? I presume you have otherwise it will be difficult with schooling and work if you don't speak the language.

Thanks a lot, everyone! I do speak Portuguese and the children as well. It's my native language and I have quite a few friends in there, so I will have the support network I don't have here in Germany. That's one of the main reasons to go there. I have better working prospects there as well.

I have friends and support in London, and also in Lisbon. Not in Germany. And I speak English and Portuguese, but not German. So, for me it makes sense to not want to be a single mother here where I am.

DH may or may not go too. I would like him to go so he could be close to the DC.

stucknoue thanks a lot for the link!

Ah, if you are a Portuguese national, that makes sense. I was a bit worried you were planning on moving to a different EU country you had no ties to.

I wouldn't count on your XH following you though. You probably do need to take legal advice about what you do with the children, because courts may not look favourably on taking them to another country but staying in Germany doesn't sound like a great bet for you to me.

I'd avoid the UK if I were you. Neither of you live there, and it doesn't appear on your radar of the places you'll be connected to any time soon. why would you both want to travel to the UK for lawyers meetings or court hearings?

Maintenance is dealt with using the law in Germany.

Excellent point, @collaborate you can tell that I'm completely clueless in these matters, right? Thanks for the help.

cressida yes, we do have a connection and support in Portugal. Good point about checking with a lawyer. DH will keep me hanging until the last second re: where he will get his next job. There's not much I can do now (apart from gathering information)