Confessing in confidence

[Housemum]

17yo DD came to me really upset - she told me that when she was in year 9 at school she stole some fidget toys from town centre shops. She says it was when with friends, and once on her own, and in total probably about £20. She feels really guilty and would like to talk to someone but is scared that whoever she tells would be duty bound to tell the police and that would be a problem for her if she was cautioned as her job needs a clear enhanced DBS check. She'd like to talk to her CAMHS counsellor or the Samaritans just to clear her conscience and feel that she's told someone and put it behind her, but is scared they would feel obliged to report her.

My thought is that as she is not currently stealing, that she is not confessing to anything involving harm to people or property, and the sums involved are small their duty of confidentiality would mean that there is no reason to share info. But legally do they have to?

Any advice appreciated, or if you think another board would be more appropriate. I have suggested that she picks a charity and donates an equivalent sum, but she says she wants to feel that she's owned up to a person other than me. I did suggest a priest but that went down like a lead balloon!! (She is Catholic but very lapsed!)

There is no legal duty for anyone to report any crimes to the police. I believe Samaritans wouldn't even ask for her name.

Without a victim complaint nothing would happen, even if she went and handed herself in!

Tell her to donate to a children's charity - £20 to a good cause to counteract the bad

I may sound like an overreactor here but is it possible that your daughter is really telling you that she has severe anxiety. Because most people who do this stuff in year 9 kind of laugh it off and really no one cares. I think she is signalling to you that she is feeling anxious and worried and I think you should focus on that - not on how to make her feel better about shoplifting age 13.

@pallisers I assume as she has her own cahms councillor that she does have mental health issues already otherwise she wouldn't have one. Yes most kids that age would laugh it off and maybe feel guilt when older and want to rectify it but ultimately wouldn't give it too much headspace. The fact your daughter is, is a sign she is struggling so if she feels talking to someone else as well as you would help I'm sure she would be safe to. It was such a small some of money in the grand scheme of things that I can't see anyone feeling it would be worth reporting.

She does have diagnosed anxiety, she is trying to work through this and I think that the guilt she feels is part of it which is why I want to know if she can safely offload to an adult other than me without fear of reprisals or cautions.

The only way to erase her guilt would be to own up to the actual.people she stole from in all honesty and to pay that money back.

I think like others that it's a cry for help about not coping.

Can't the items be posted back anonymously to the store manager? Or a sum of money?? (And an apology)

There are crimes that counsellors are obliged to report but not the one you’ve listed. She can speak to them in confidence.