School discriminating against one parent in favour of the other

[OhNoooNotAgain]

I don't know whether this is the right board for this so apologies if not.

Basically the school my DP's children attend consistently favours their DM over him. It's been constant with things like tickets for events and places on trips where only one/two places are available they always allow her to take it out give to one of her family members over him. They charge him for things over and above his 50% just because she says so and they just take her word for it. There are lots of examples and it's been consistent. They say they can't take sides, but on every single occasion they do side with her. He has 50/50 care for very good reasons.

The newest issue is that they are refusing for him to allow me to pick the kids up for him, whether planned or in an emergency. The court order specifies she needs to be informed if someone other than him is caring for the children and vice versa, not that they need the other parents permission, and her mother does a lot of the care for her. School have no issue whatsoever with her mother picking the DC's up but they are refusing to allow me to.

He has complained to the school constantly about the way they are favouring her, they always just repeat that they can't take sides despite the fact that they clearly do. What steps can he take next? Does he need to go to court, Ofsted, council etc?

I'm grateful for any advice at all!

My school has a policy on school pick ups which is on their website. Have you checked the school's policy?

Have the school seen the court order?

The school I work at are very good about making sure everyone with parental responsibility is treated correctly, however it takes up far too much time tbh and more than once we've had an office rant about parents who refuse to communicate properly with each other about their children but expect us to jump through hoops and blame us if it goes wrong.

Dr maybe - I've been a parent - pta member and Governor with kids in 5 different primaries over 22 years - there is a enormous amount of predudice, descrimination and favouratisum that goes on - it takes often no time or thought because most of it is inherhant in either the system or thought process of the staff.

Perhaps its time for a solicitors letter challenging their prejudice and actions. Their actions, i.e. the schools, are unreasonable and are susceptible to challenge via judicial review.

Gamble, I don't deny that staff are human and there may be elements of bias or prejudice in how some staff treat certain families. But on the whole I believe that schools are doing their best to serve families politely, reasonably and fairly, while their overriding priority remains the safeguarding and education of children. They are services under pressure and the highest priority things rightly take precedence.

With all due respect to your experience, it is different seeing it from the 'inside' as a member of teaching staff - most of the truly serious things that happen would never be known by governors, let alone other parents, due to confidentiality.

People are really tying themselves in knots here trying to defend the school's reasons for treating two parents with 50/50 completely differently

No, I am not - in my second post I said that if the father gives permission in advance then that should be sufficient authorisation for the OP to collect the children. So I agree with the OP that this should be possible - but it seems that the school have an additional system in place with a form to fill in. The easiest and quickest way for the OP to achieve her goal is to ask the mum to put her name on the form. Getting into a dispute with the school about what is fair is likely to be a slower way to achieve this!

Maybedr with the greatest of respect I have volunteered extensively in schools including primary secondary and Special Schools. I have many teachers and TAvs as friends - a few as enemies 😁 I have also been a parent advocate and involved in education groups for 22 years. I know what goes on in schools - please don't think you have 'secret' knowlage - some schools, some teachers fuck up - the idea that you know better than the Op as you have worked in a school - just some fucking random school is laughable quite frankly

Bob thank you, we have referred to that.

Shaki we tried to give them the court order over a previous issue as evidence of which costs which parent was responsible for and they refused it, continuing to chase DP for the full amount owed when he's already paid more than his part, but the Mum refused to contribute. The person now handling it was shocked that it had been ignored before. Regarding parents refusing to talk, I think you need to understand that in some cases it simply isn't possible- and not through choice. As I've said, mum has made allegations in the past which have been proven false- she claims harrasment etc when she isn't stable, and Police specifically advised that he should avoid contacting her as much as possible for his own protection. The school keep making this difficult by siding with her, even in contradiction of the court order- and demanding things like her permission in this case, which they not only don't require of her, but again is specifically outlined in the order that he does not need her persmission.

We do actually seem to be getting somewhere with this person which is great. Hopefully, it won't need escalating beyond this person- senior leadership that we have not been in contact with before, but is looking at all the issues as a whole as of yesterday!

Maybe again, the point wasn't that they need a form, but that they need a form for me and not anyone collecting for mum, and not only that, but they wouldn't even accept his signature on the form for me, insisting on mums as well.

I'm hoping now that the new person involved will be taking it all out of the offices hands and that things will not need to be escalated further.

Also to reiterate that the teachers themselves have been brilliant.

@Gamble66

You are correct, clearly I know nothing because I have worked in 'just some fucking random school'. Charming!

I worked in a number of schools holding a range of teaching posts, including deputy headteacher and member of SLT. I was also a governor and worked for a local authority for a period of time.

Parent volunteers will simply not know the nature of a school's priorities on any particular day, whether that is an urgent safeguarding matter due to a child making a disclosure, a parent in crisis due to domestic violence or imminent Ofsted. That is the level of priority I am talking about when I say that schools don't have time to go into whether things such as concert tickets are fairly distributed between separated parents.

OP, I hope that you get it sorted out - the new school year is always a good time for a fresh start and perhaps you can get the form updated with both signatures, then the problem is solved.

Were you this patronising as a teacher? Schools are not the SAS - I've sat in loads of staff rooms and loads of tribunals and meetings and loads of classrooms - never a hint of a secret bunker or operations room. AMAZED I missed the funding for it in the Goveners report - I have also taught but only as a tutor in a specialist group. The fact this school has ignored a court order seams to not really represent your reality does it.

Yes, always!

These matters simply wouldn't be discussed in the open staffroom or where a parent might be present. They are discussed on a need-to-know basis, but that doesn't make them any less real or any less serious.

Drmaybe - you need to listen more closely in staff rooms 😂 quite frankly I've hears worse being discussed in playgrounds between teachers

Any issues regarding safeguarding or things like this would be discussed on a need to know and not idle gossip. It’s not common knowledge to everyone who works in the school orbit shouldn’t be.

Tickets in our school for big performances are 3 per child for afternoon and 3 for evening how you give them out is up to you, so me and my partner went afternoon and my ex and his new partner evening. Help yourself at Christmas and everyone to class assembly.

Court orders should be in the school with the safeguard lead and the staff should be aware of who can and can’t pick up this includes after school clubs this knowledge should be given to the staff that need to know, not the full details or the case just the bits they need to know. Not sure why it’s being ignored, this makes no sense at all.