Mum applying to court to see my son!

[Snugglebunny25]

Hello, I'm new here. Looking for advice. Long story short I'm 28 and my relationship has been awful with my mother for about 13 years. She has been abusive, harassing me and my partner with abusive texts, turning up at the house, the usual crap.

I have a 9 year old son, who she has just applied to the court for leave to apply for a child arrangements offer. Obviously I completely oppose this. She has only seen him about 10 times in his entire life, and he doesnt want to see her because he has seen how horrible she is too me and he doesnt feel comfortable with her anyway.

I'm sure she expects overnight stays and the most she can get.

Has anyone had an experience of this?

She's hasn't a chance, if what you say is 100% true.

How do you know she's applied to the court, btw? Her say so? Have you received actual court papers?

Yes it's all true. That's what I think too, I guess I'm just worrying. Yes I've recieved court papers, been to the first dispute hearing, now I'm just in the middle of writing as a statement as to why I dont want her to have the access.

Struggling with what to write without rambling!!

She’d only get access if she had an existing relationship with your son and it was in his best interests for that to continue.

So I’d focus on explaining that he doesn’t know her, setting out exactly how little contact she’s had so far, and then say briefly that you do not believe your son would benefit from being compelled to spend time with her.

So for example not “she’s only met him ten times” but “she has never had unsupervised contact with my son, has never spent more than one hour at a time in his company, and has met him in total on nine occasions, so they currently have no meaningful relationship”, for example.

Ok thankyou. She has had him a couple of times on her own, when I tried to give her another chance at being my mother. Which didnt work out!
My son was 6 at the time, she wanted him to stay at her house overnight with her boyfriend that I didnt know, which was 2 hours away from our house. He said he didnt want to go, she said I was forcing him into not going and it all blew up again it's so much stress for everyone involved.

I think honesty is the best policy. You need to really get across why you believe her presence in his life would be toxic/detrimental to his welfare.

It’s handy to split things into bullet points, so give an example of what she did and then explain how it affected you or your son.

She has no PR for your dc so I'm not user she has any say in seeing him tbh. Have you seen a solicitor?

I've had some legal advice but I'm not going to get a solicitor unless she does get the permission to go further. She works in a court as well, which I think is a really unfair advantage. I'm so scared about the whole thing and how is going to affect him :(

The court will want to see proof of concerns that she doesn’t have your sons welfare at heart. They will want to see that despite her having issues with you, that she would be toxic to him also.

When she turns up at your house uninvited does she create a scene? If so, and she knows your son is most likely there, then she has blatant disregard for the distress it may cause him. That’s the sort of thing you need to get across in court.

I don’t think working in court will give her much of an advantage. This all comes down to what the Judge will deem right for your son.

Just wanted to add my support. The family court will always look to what is best for the child and it sounds like it is not best for your child to see your mother. The court should be bound by the Children Act 1989 and it’s opening line which states; “The CHILD’S welfare should be the court’s paramount consideration.”

It is worth reading The Children Act 1989 and familiarising yourself with it, then referencing any paragraphs you feel are relevant to your situation.

Write your statement WITHOUT being negative about your mother. It may be hard to do this, but the court will look more favourably on a well written statement with facts and detail rather than detailed negativity about your mother unless you can directly back up your claims with facts that can be proven.

Try not to talk to your son about it - I know it will be hard, but do your best to protect him from what is going on and tell him not to worry, then get on here and vent to Mumsnet!

She does not have PR, so it is unlikely she will be granted contact unless she can prove you have purposely alienated her from her grandchild's life without good reason.

Will you be self representing? PM me if I can help - I am going through the family court myself for totally different reasons x

Thankyou for all your replies. I really appreciate it! Will get down to some good writing this evening.

If you have kept any of the abusive texts or emails then refer back to these and take them to court

Without safeguarding concerns, cafcass takes the view that contact with wider family is good thing.

We have been through this and my children had never even met the grandparents and it still made it to court unfortunately.

Did they get the contact after though? I wont be letting her have any contact with my child at all. Simple!

Indirect... and that is only because we have big safeguarding issues