Excessive emails from ex

[Legalgarden]

Ex and I divorced 2 years ago. He still sends me a large amount of emails regarding our shared parenting. He used to text and ring on a daily basis until I told him I only wanted to communicate via email. As a result, I sometimes receive 10+ emails a week, mostly minor queries over parenting or things like changing parenting schedule months in advance. He wants me to reply the same or next day and if I leave it for a few days he'll follow up with text messages and additional emails asking me to respond asap. A few months ago he got a solicitor involved. Now if I don't reply within say a week I'll receive a threatening email from his solicitor asking me to confirm whatever ex has said in an email and if I don't reply by set time and set date ex will take action via court.

Recently, my friend was seriously ill so I visited her in hospital nearly every day as well as working full-time and looking after 2 kids. I told ex this and said I couldn't reply to any of his emails until I had time. Next thing I know another letter from his solicitor saying I need to reply to ex asap. Ex was controlling in our marriage and is still the same. What can I do about this constant stream of emails/threatening emails from his solicitor? I have worked very hard at keeping boundaries with my ex but he seems he is constantly pushing at them. I feel like this is harassment and constantly feel stressed at having to answer my ex all of the time and with his solicitor setting fixed deadlines for me to respond/threatening me with court action.

10 a week is 1-2 a day, to be honest I'd just reply to them quickly as it wouldn't take long.

Do you have emails on your phone? It doesn't seem totally crazy to me that if you're co-parenting you might have something to say every day but I could be wrong, also depends on age of the kids.

Answering an email on your phone would be super quick and easy enough when you're on the move.

Can you get a solicitor of your own to write him a letter saying he must save his queries up and send them together in one single weekly email that you will respond to within 48 hours?

I would just have one day a week you reply and leave it at that unless urgent of course. Tell him you'll reply on a Sunday or whatever, then send short fictional responses.

I think the more you reply instantly, the more emails he'll send.

I informed my exH I will only reply to his emails concerning DD once a week, on Thursday. I will not answer the phone/texts when DD is in my care (will do so if she is with him).

That’s after the twit tried the barrage with me, I just ignored the lot. Because most of them were abusive, I just shrugged and said: so sue me.

You're lucky. I've text my ex wife 4 times since February & she's not answered one of them. For context our 3 children fell out with her at xmas & moved in with me. I've not received a penny in maintenance & I'm currently paying an extra £1000 PM in rent & costs.

Thanks everyone. I have tried the 'I'll reply on Sunday' response and he'll usually send something sarcastic back saying it's urgent (when it's not), why can't I reply to one of his queries now (when I'm at work) or send another half a dozen emails in the meantime expecting me to reply to all of them on Sunday.

Thanks @BobTheDuvet 1-2 emails really isn't easy to reply to an ex. This isn't a one-off, it's ongoing. I can't live like this for another 10+ years. Plus mostly his tone is aggressive and bullying even if they are emails about the children. I work full-time and juggle 2 children and am shattered most of the time. I barely have time to contact family let alone answer emails from ex regularly.

Thanks on advice from the solicitor. Solicitor has basically sent me a document with all recent emails from my ex asking me to answer by set time and date and threatening court action if I don't reply. Should I reply via solicitor or ignore it and just tell ex I will reply on Sunday, for example? It really pisses me off because I gave ex good reasons why I couldn't reply this week and he has still gone running to his solicitor.

You don't have to reply to the solicitor at all!

He/She is NOBODY

Are any of these emails important with real deadlines or something to sue over?

If they're not, reply one day a week/fortnight/month that YOU decide on

Wow OP I’m living this myself, I have nothing to add but the responses have been so helpful. This week has been awful in terms of bullying emails; I threaten to block him but I’d have no means of contact re DD and he knows this.

To be honest OP, I'd continue to reply, but only when you get an email from the solicitor - that way he's being charged. I'd also reply directly to the solicitor so they'll charge him to pass it on.

Thank you @Userplusnumbers made me laugh!

My exh used solicitor letters to harass me. In the end I told his solicitor if I heard from them again I'd consider it harassment and would take things further. Never heard from them again. Also told them I'd be more than happy for exh to take me to court. He never did.

What kind of thing is he emailing about? Is any of it actually time sensitive?

I'm quite surprised his solicitor is entertaining such bollocks. Good luck to them taking it to court. Sounds like an empty threat. When you show this imaginary court his emails he would not get much sympathy.

Decide what you consider reasonable. Maybe that is he emails once a week except for emergencies or that you reply once a week except for emergencies tell him that anything more than that from him and you will consider it harassment. And nagging you to reply before 48 hours or whatever you decide will be considered harassment Also that letters frivolously threatening court will be considered harassment etc. you may wish to either send it to his solicitor to communicate to him or copy it to his solicitor.

Also what user says!

What sort of things is he asking?

You may also wish to congratulate the solicitor on the nice little moneyspinner they have going there.

Your life, you choose when to answer.

Once a week or fortnight sounds fair for shared parenting. A good way to respond is only have your own replies listed in the conversation below not his needling ones so the email only has pertinent info in it. You could consider a contact book that travels with the children back and forth for communicating depending on how regular contact is.

His solicitor costs him money so he will get bored of that tactic eventually, ride it out and respond to his solicitor making the point that 10 emails are being sent when 1 will do which is abusive. Make the point that a genuine emergency will get lost among the repeated crying wolf emails and that could obviously negatively impact the children. Use the words harassing and controlling. If you can afford to have your solicitor deal with all communication for a while that will likely stop it very quickly, no fun in that.

Then get yourself a new email address set up and don't give him it so you only check the one he has when you feel up to it. He is an angry man trying to control and mess with your head the only way he still can, he'll get bored soon when he gets no feedback.

What kind of questions are these that he wants you to answer?

It is hard to imagine a court being amused by some stupid application for fuck knows what when the President of the Family Division was all over the news today with this

www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=%23&ved=2ahUKEwiAgO-m5pnjAhWCuHEKHYQhD_MQ0PADMAV6BAgGEBI&usg=AOvVaw0VTJzWxrN8ZFOD4xbU2nov&cshid=1562193467676

It depends so much on what he is asking, some queries can certainly be gathered up but it's normal these days to quickly send a message from your phone when it comes into your head. I'm guessing he's trying to be involved, I don't think one per day is that much if is a single issue, but if it's 8 points all variations of previous emails I get your point !

The suggestion of a weekly gathering up email is the best option, with a proviso that you will accept urgent matters in between, and perhaps try to communicate directly periodically rather than just email. My friend is distraught about his kids as his wife has moved them 200 miles and is keeping him in the dark, not even got the address - I hope you aren't her as I know he's got solicitors involved to get more communication

I am in total agreement about saving them up to respond to once a week, but because I am occasionally very passive/aggressive I would respond with:

Q1. Thursday
Q2. No
Q3. By 4.15pm
etc etc (obvs in response to whatever questions he has asked)

Make him work to find out what questions in which emails you are answering. Might put him off sending nonsensical questions.

@LaurieFairyCake thanks! The letters are so threatening but you are right.

@FMFL Horrible isn't it. Blocking would be so nice but yes unfortunately can't do because of DC. Maybe when they turn 18!

@WatchingFromTheWings That is amazing! I haven't heard anything like that before.

@wafflyversatile @IsThatYourOverbite wonderful suggestions, thank you. I really do hope he gets bored one day!

@stucknoue No I'm not her. My ex lives very close to me unfortunately! The thing is I feel like I am communicating with my ex all the time. Since we separated years ago I don't think I've had more than 3 days where I haven't heard from him at all, it's a constant stream of unnecessary communication.

@NoShitHemlock Great suggestion, will definitely do this!

I'm guessing he not told his solicitor about the amount he is sending.

I'd be inclined to reply to his solicitor for each individual e mail, so he gets charged for each one.

And then I would send one stating that if he can not get his client to not send excessive e mails then you will be looking at getting harassment charges against him.