CAO - worth a variation?

[Haverofdickheadex]

I have a CAO in place for 1 DC. I am RP. NRP has EOW and one night midweek. At the time we went to court (several years ago) and still now, he works away a lot. The court order states if he's not available for contact he gives me sufficient notice and, if it's suitable, contact takes place on an alternative day. In the past he has missed about a third of midweek contact days each year.

Recently he has been absent for contact regularly but leaving DC with his partner and baby instead of informing me. I know legally it's none of my business what happens during his contact time but as I'm here and he's not, I'm not seeing the benefit to my DC of staying there. I have offered for my DC to go over for a bit and then return home for bed as a compromise. This happened a couple of times but he has now ruled it out completely.

Is it worth me pursuing a variation so that there is the option for DC to come home when he's not around? I suspect not because the court will think it's unreasonable for us not to agree on it outside of court but he is so obstinate. Do I have any other options?

My DC's best interests aren't being considered in all this because he turns everything into a conflict he must win.

Is the baby your dc sibling?

Yes, half sibling, which is why I encourage my DC to have some contact even if ex is not around. I am very happy for them to spend quality time together. I don't think it's necessary to stay overnight though.

How old is your DC and where they would rather stay?

7 and I don't like to ask what they would prefer. Ex does this and causes DC a lot of stress because he's pushing for a certain answer iyswim. In the past DC has complained to me (unsolicited) about going and ex manipulated and put a stop to it.

There is a lot of history to this which I've posted about under different names over the years.

I'm talking about ex being absent several weeks in a row. If it was a one off it wouldn't be so bad. I feel sorry for DC. I worry about feelings of rejection.

I can only think the reason he's pushing in this direction is ultimately financial and it makes me so upset to think he would look at that instead of what's best for DC.

He's only 7 so yes I think worth going for a variation as clearly there is more going on. Presumably if you get first refusal of care you can ask DS what he would like on a incident by incident basis.