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Original poster

Social services advice

25 replies

Paigexx · 01/07/2019 13:11

My boyfriend has been in a bit of trouble with the police but it’s all complicated it’s nothing serious but the police and social services seem to think so, it’s under investigation. We have a child together and this is why social services have got involved and their safety plan is for my child not to go to his address (we live in different houses) due to other people putting her at risk, NOT my boyfriend and I completely understand they have a job to do but there’s no risk what so ever i wouldn’t bring her or even myself if I thought anything was gonna happen and I’ll be the one to blame if it ever did! They seem to think it will buy gods honest truth it won’t nobody is “after” him the only arguments that’s been brought to his door is arguments and threats an they had no intention of actually doing anything. Nothing has happened that’s serious no “trouble” is linked to his house. The safety plan (we all went to a meeting) is that she’s on a child in need plan not a child protection plan (child protection is serious) and even a police officer rated it a 5 out of 10 from not dangerous to dangerous and that’s a pass.. so it’s came to an agreement that she isn’t in danger there’s just a possible chance. So they said she cannot go to his address and she’ll have to be supervised by me or other family members at his nannas address. A new social worker got sent out to my address and he’s been wording it different. He was saying he cannot stop me from taking my daughter but they really do recommend I don’t bring her because they think it’s best and if anything did happen then.. you know it’s my fault and could be a chance I get her took off me. I don’t want this to happen and it won’t cause I wouldn’t bring her to somewhere I thought it wasn’t safe for her?! Our parenting is absolutely amazing no doubts from anyone we try be the best mum and dad we can be to our newborn and these have noted there is no problems with the care. But they seem to think people COULD put my boyfriend into danger and if our child is present it’s also putting her at risk which I fully get but come on I know that wouldn’t happen no reason for it to and would of happened by now come on it’s not realistic they just have to cover their own backs. But anyway straight to the point I’m thinking to take her back to his as I’m not actually doing anything wrong just going against advice and god forbid something happens it’s my fault.. but it WONT. If they said I really couldn’t take her then I wouldn’t like Ive not this whole time as I thought it’s what they originally said, he’s waiting for the police to give information so whether they think it’s safe or not (even tho a police officer said it is to rate it a 5 on the list which means it’s not a risk) but atm it’s my decision... do I take her or what? It’s effecting us living a family life and I just want to feel like everything is back to normal again. Honestly just feel like their not taking in consideration the reality of the situation what is just stupid to think will happen and what they genuinely think there’s a chance will happen, it’s one of them really they gotta cover their backs but I’ve got a family.

OP posts:

Original poster

Paigexx · 01/07/2019 13:12

My boyfriend isn’t a risk to my daughter.

OP posts:

SeaViewBliss · 01/07/2019 13:21

Just to be clear, is the issue that they think other people who live in your DPs address are a danger to your DD or people that may visit/turn up?

They must believe there is a risk of ti happening and, if that's the case, I am not sure how you can be 100% sure it isn't a risk. I'm not sure what a police officer rating as a risk of 5 means. Surely there is either a risk or there isn't?

Is DP allowed to come to see DD at your address? If it's only temporary until the police have reviewed it, I wouldn't take her there.

Happyspud · 01/07/2019 13:23

Why can’t you see that your boyfriend IS the risk. He’s involved in dangerous shit so he IS a risk to your child. You seem so set on pointing out that he’s not the problem other people are. Wake up OP. Your boyfriend is a danger to your child. Being with your boyfriend is a danger to your child.

niceupthedanceagain · 01/07/2019 13:28

Can't he just come to your place? Not accepting advice will be looked down on as regards your ability to keep your child safe, regardless of your assessment of the risk involved.

LIZS · 01/07/2019 13:29

Sorry your post is long and hard to follow, but it seems whereever your bf is living are also others who are mixed up in antisocial and/or criminal activity. Even if he is not directly involved the advice is not to allow her to visit there. If she is just a newborn surely there is no need to take her. If you need to meet elsewhere what about a cafe or park. Follow their advice to the letter, she needs you to protect her and put her needs ahead of everyone else.

PeoniesarePink · 01/07/2019 13:29

Open your eyes and protect your child.

Police and SS don't make things up as they've got nothing better to do.

cakeandchampagne · 01/07/2019 13:32

The police and social services have advised you.
Heed that advice/direction.

OhDiddums · 01/07/2019 13:34

If the police are advising you not to, then I wouldn't be taking my child there until they are happy for you to do so especially with SS involvement. There is obviously some level of danger/risk to your child. The more compliant you are the better and the sooner SS are likely to be off your back.

Quartz2208 · 01/07/2019 13:34

IT is not whether YOU think it is safe. A risk of 5/10 is a huge risk

You are skating over what the actual issues are
Why cant he come to you
and why you have separate houses

LIZS · 01/07/2019 13:35

Are you a young parent? You sound somewhat reluctant to heed advice from those in official jobs with greater experience including your mw/hv. How old is your baby?

HappyLoneParentDay · 01/07/2019 13:39

Why would you even consider taking your child ANYWHERE NEAR somewhere which is even slightly deemed a risk by ANYONE? Mothers don't do that. You need to prove you are protecting your child or she will be removed!

HappyLoneParentDay · 01/07/2019 13:44

I know exactly what's going to happen here... Social Services are going to end up saying that you leave him or you lose your child....

THEY CLEARLY KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT HIM WHICH YOU DO NOT KNOW! Obviously they can't share that info with you, but it seems pretty obvious to me...

Farahilda · 01/07/2019 13:46

So he's still under investigation for something the police and social services consider serious, and he lives in a place where the other residents pose a risk.

It should be a total no-brainer that a child does not go there, and for the time being at least is supervised when elsewhere with the paternal family (wondering if his wider family are a part of the issue)

Why does he not just come to see DC at yours, or all go out together? And you could go with them when they see the rest of his family.

This wnMt go away unless he is cleared by the investigation. Cooperation whilst it is the inky sensible course.

Hiphopopotamous · 01/07/2019 13:54

Regardless of whether YOU think there is a risk, the police and social services obviously do (and 5/10 on a scale of not dangerous to dangerous is way more than I would expose my DC to!!)
You have to protect your DC first and foremost, that means no unsupervised time at dads. Ignoring the SS advice is very silly, they might then think you cannot keep the DC safe either.

ChicCroissant · 01/07/2019 13:56

5 out of 10 seems a massive risk to me, when the average person would be a zero!

StormcloakNord · 01/07/2019 13:59

I'm a very very laid back parent but this is taking the piss. If there's even a slight risk of your child hearing/seeing/being involved in anything dangerous or threatening why would you even consider it? A 5/10 rating isn't good is it? Doesn't matter if it's a pass you need to step up and start being a mother and protecting your child.

HeddaGarbled · 01/07/2019 14:11

Some people just seem to go through life making poor decisions which make their lives more difficult and unhappier, and which can, on occasion, have really bad consequences. You’re one of them, aren’t you?

Stop.

Think.

Your life could be free of this worry if you just make the easy and sensible choice here.

Amber0685 · 01/07/2019 14:21

What kind of trouble with the police has your bf been in?

glitterfarts · 01/07/2019 14:29

Imagine there were 10 bottles of milk on the bench.

Would you give you child a bottle if you knew 5 of them were poisoned and would kill her/harm her?

This is the same as a 5/10 chance of risk.

I think this is one time I'd be doing a Clare's law AND Sarah's law on your boyfriend. Is he/someone he lives with a paedophile? Violent? Drug dealer?

Why can't he just come to you and you not go near his house?

PuppyMonkey · 01/07/2019 14:34

Just do as you’ve been advised, can’t you? Is it really such a big deal your DD goes to his house?

Muddledupme · 01/07/2019 15:40

Surely if you ignore their professional advice they will say you've put your child at risk of potential harm so can't be trusted to keep her safe. If they don't believe you can be trusted to keep her safe then they will have to take steps to protect her themselves. Could it be that know more about some of the visitors to your boyfriends house than you do so are better able to assess the risk?

GreyHairDontCare3 · 01/07/2019 15:45

You say being a child in need isn't serious. I think you'll find the majority of people don't have a child in need when they could control the situation.

Just grow up and don't take your newborn to a place where they've deemed it a 50:50 chance of an event happening!

Kyriesmum1 · 01/07/2019 15:52

Could they be testing you? They may be looking to see whether you would put your child at risk. If the advice is to not go then I wouldn't go. Why can't he come to you?

FenellaVelour · 02/07/2019 13:36

It sounds like you’re minimising. The social worker clearly has concerns and has given you advice. If you don’t listen to the advice, they may say they have doubts about your ability to act protectively, and you could end up in a child protection conference.

It sounds like they are using the Signs of Safety assessment tool, which has “danger statements” and scaling to measure risk. The police officer present may have scaled it at 5/10. What did you and the other professionals present scale the risk at?

5/10 is still too high. 0 is no risk. 10 is immediate action required to protect (i.e. emergency hearing for a care order). A scale of 5 (which, remember, was from the police officer not the children’s social worker) still indicates considerable risk.

FenellaVelour · 02/07/2019 13:38

Oh, and the social worker wouldn’t tell you that you can’t take her, because legally they don’t have the power to stop you. He’s made it clear what the consequences will be though, if you go against the professional advice. Likely child protection procedures and potentially even care proceedings.

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