How to be fair post separation

[jb89999]

As a loving dad i've been paying £400 over the legal child maintenance every month for the past year. Basically to try to keep things ok with my (ex) wife. However being almost bankrupt the past 5 months has been almost impossible for me. Whenever I have told my ex that the money each month is too high she has threatened me.

I've then realised that i've been bullied and threatened so much that I'm petrified of her and have now had the courage to say I cannot keep paying this amount.

Is £400 each month over the recommended amount way too much? I am now suggesting to her around £250 over the legal minimum. Is this fair??

How is she threatening you? You shouldn't give into threats but ultimately it is best to reach an agreement.

Have you tried mediation?

Other than income what are the assets? What is the situation re housing? Is the extra money needed to fund your Ex's housing rent or mortgage?

Did you have a financial settlement on divorce? What is the income disparity between you?

@lifebegins50 She has said she will contact my parents (who abused me as a kid), contact my boss, sell the house and take the kids and so on (threats) - mainly very psychological as she knows I have been v depressed for years and undergoing therapy.

We tried mediation but it didn't work. No assets, both of us have no money really. The extra money is to help pay the mortgage i guess!

My ex is annoyed about paying the legal CMS minimum so £500 over that seems very generous to me.

It's impossible to say if it's too much/too little without knowing your monthly income. Some parents pay as little as £7pw.

So you are not divorced yet and no assets but your wife is living in the house with the children. There must be some equity.

Why did mediation fail? You do need to provide more details, such as how much of a % is the CMS? Are you literally bankrupt or in severe debt or are finances just a struggle?
Do you have a solicitor and if so what are they advising?

Upshot is I think getting a deal is favourable..if your solicitor thinks the figure you pay is highly unreasonable then they can write to your Ex explaining the max that can be afforded and mention that you hope that she does not follow through on trying to contact your boss as that could jeopardise your income so reduce CMS to zero.
Do you have a new partner?

It's 21%. There is some equity yes but I can't touch it I guess. We moved only very recently so virtually no money in the house really. Am literally bankrupt yes but staving it off for now with stepchange debt plan. I cannot afford a solicitor.

Stop paying the additional money. Use it to sort your life. You are paying what you need to, if she is vindictive enough to do the other stuff then she's stupid if she thinks cutting off her income stream will help her. Don't pay next month and use £200 to talk to a solicitor for advice

Look, no one can say whether you're paying over the odds because you've not said what your income is and her's. If it's a certain amount, and her needs are a certain amount, it may well be quite right that you are paying more than CMS because there is a spousal maintenance claim, and if you stop paying that you'll be in court next minute on a claim for maintenance pending suit.

On the other hand there may be no spousal maintenance claim. It's all fact dependant, and we haven't got the facts.

Talk to your debt counsellors. She can shout all she likes but you both need to separately be v realistic.if you do go bankrupt what happens to the house for a start.