Any advice following order?

[cuddleMonster16]

My ex has been taking me to court over extended contact with our 2.5yr old. I recently represented myself in court at a final disputes hearing. I was only made aware on the day (10mins before we went in!) they they had a position statement. He and his extensive legal team hadn’t sent it to me at all, never mind in advance of the hearing and official deadline (at the previous hearing they missed the deadline by a week). There was incredible pressure on the day to either come to an agreement before leaving court or it going to trial (“and you don’t want that”).

I made a lot of concessions about what I was comfortable with but am now really nervous I have made the wrong decision in not being more rigid in some areas to protect my child (he’s so young and they were pushing for extended periods away from home - originally without any telephone contact or comfort toys?!). Despite assurances to the contrary on the day, his dad is already not following through - saying he won’t let him go to his regular sports class on the days he is with him because that’s “his time” (i.e. my son will have to at least miss half of the lessons going forwards).

Is there anything I can do or is it all done now? Since I only got his position statement on the day, I had no opportunity to get legal advice on it.

A position statement is the advocate putting down in writing the submissions they’ll be making. They are always exchanged on the day.

This is another example of why legal aid should never have been withdrawn.

Is there anything I can do that would mean my son wouldn’t potentially have to give up the class (ie encourage him to take him)? I can’t think that’s in his best interests to give up the only regular activity he does outside nursery.

You'd have to take it back to court on a variation application, but unless the judge was told at the time the order was made that the father would take the child to those activities and on that basis and that basis alone there was this agreement, you're going to really struggle. You should take some better advice than from strangers on the internet.

If the order compels him to take your son to his activities then you can restore it back to court as he is in breach (and this will give you the opportunity to explain that you felt under pressure at the last hearing - though as PP said, you can’t argue that on the basis of the position statement).

However it might be best for your son to think about how you and Dad can work together to prevent it going back to court. Did you both do a SPIP? It might also be worth you jointly making a Parenting Plan if you haven’t already - the order will give you the bones of what your son’s day to day living/ contact arrangements, but a parenting plan will help you work through all the ‘soft’ stuff that we also have to manage as co-parents, easing that transition for your son as he moves between his two homes.

Discount everything I’ve said if your ex is violent and you’re afraid of him. In that case call Rights of Women rightsofwomen.org.uk/ (or, of course, 999 in an emergency)

How far away does he live? An activity at 2 1/2 is likely to be considered essential and if it requires travelling might be deemed not in the best interest of the child to attend.

The SPIP hasn’t been scheduled yet but I will bring this up on the course and hope he softens.

Since the company do the activity at venues both near where he lives and we do, I suggested I reach out to see if they would allow half of the times to take place near him and half near me (ie get rid of the travelling issue, mean my son can attend the majority of classes and continue to develop the skills, and also help him get to know local families with kids the same age). It’s also at a time that would nicely lead into drop off, regardless of where he did it.

He said what he does is up to him. Seems like he’s refusing in order to spite me but at my son’s expense.

Great that you’re able to offer a fair compromise OP, the ex might not agree right now but hopefully the SPIP will give him food for thought.

A court won't inforce a parent having to take a child to an activity especially at that age. He is right that he can do what he wants during his time. Hopefully as your child gets older, he will he able to put pressure on his dad if it is something he really cares to do weekly.

Op it's sounds like you think you do the course together?