Any advice please? He's just sent another email threatening court if I don't agree x y or z and I feel like I should just put in an application myself to change CAO first - or should I send a warning letter first so he can't accuse me of making stuff up on the spot like he did last time to discredit me. I want to be able to show that my concerns have been ongoing and not in response to him putting in the application if he does it first.
Background/current info .......
My DD (6) 's father has breached the CAO a number of times and I believe is engaging in the start of alienating behaviours - DD's behaviour towards me after being with her Dad is often huge tantrums, screaming at me that I'm the worse Mummy in the world, that she won't do what I say, that I have too many rules, DD ridiculing me like her father used to, telling me Daddy thinks something Mummy did was silly, that Mummy lies, that Mummy is terrible and that it'd be better if she didn't even have a Mummy. Our relationship since the CAO went into effect has changed so much. There's still a lot of love there, and some good times, but a lot of my time with her is spent calming her down after she comes back disregulated from contact with her Dad. She often does not respect me, disobeys me over basic rules like not standing on table, eating veggies, not listening, eg. if I say she can watch a DVD, but not watch the small iPad screen... she has a complete meltdown about not getting exactly what she wants and tries to bully me herself often.
The court order breaches at first were small things which I had been understanding of at first, as I think he genuinely forgot, but now it seems like it's a larger pattern and that he is using the court order and matters to do with DD - "co-parenting" to exert control over me (there was previous DV - emotional, psychological, verbal, physical from him towards me in relationship and physical and emotional towards DD - low level CAFCASS said - they did not think it was a risk and recommended almost shared care which I was shocked at). My solicitor first time around was useless and I felt beaten down and traumatised by the whole process. 
There have been larger breaches too including multiple times DD returning from contact saying she has felt sad that Daddy said certain (negative) things about Mummy and that Daddy makes fun of Mummy. This breaches the court order and the magistrate said in the final hearing that they would take it very seriously if they were to hear this had been happening. But yet my solicitor said that if the only proof was that DD tells me this, that there was not much they could do to enforce this, as what she said to me wouldn't have much weight.
So.... that seems like a nonsense statement that "they will take it seriously" it sounds more like they will do nothing at all, like they did last time. They just believe him (insane amount of lies in his court statements) ... I have made notes with the dates of whenever she has said this and exactly what she's said but will it even be looked at/ will it be taken into consideration?
More seriously, DD also has reported that he has been violent towards her a few months ago, I called police and they spoke to him, but said it was a matter for the courts & that I had to comply with CAO.
DD also told GP after I took her there as she was having so many nightmares & fears; GP raised this with SS who said it was a matter for the courts, I spoke to solicitor and they said it was a matter for SS, and that if I took it to court, they would ask why wasn't SS involved and not see it as serious unless they were. Whereas SS said it's up to the courts to do something, as they said SS ONLY get involved if there is no protective parent who CAN take the matter to court. So said it was a complete catch 22 & only up to me - but I had such an awful experience with CAFCASS minimising ... saying DV wasn't very serious... saying perhaps it was just that me and ex partner didn't get on.... so traumatic for me to relive and not be believed/taken seriously has made me lose all faith in the family court.
I thought they'll just paint me as a bitter Mother and side with ex partner again, perhaps even give him more time with DD whereas DD struggles with how it is even now. I felt trapped and unable to try and protect DD as felt ex would lie again and they'd believe him.
DD also reported what happened to a teacher at school but they didn't do anything about it either. As soon as police spoke to ex, DD said Daddy had stopped doing those things...and she felt ok to go to him again as he switched back to being super nice . She said he told her that it never happened and she said she knows it did happen, but when he told her it didn't, she started believing him. What he did to me in our relationship - gaslighting - doing it to DD now. Which is his pattern.
I felt disheartened and confused. Ex was threatening saying it was ridiculous that I called the police, that I was damaging DD, that he would ask for more time with DD if the matter went back to court.
He has since done alienating things - such as withholding permission for her to be with me on Mother's Day when it fell on his weekend, when she gives me affection in front of him he discourages it, when he has her for a longer period of time he tells me repeatedly that DD doesn't want to speak on phone to me, or he only tries when she is in a busy cafe/in the middle of an activity so she can't hear me, and is distracted. It's in the court order that he must facilitate a phone call. A few times he has just put it off /refused and said I don't need to.
He has stopped her going to an activity with her friends so that she would not see me, during short handovers or if we have bumped into each other at events he has been undermining to me/snapped at me in front of DD, he threatens court a lot during co-parenting discussions via email, I get constant subtle blame, criticism, commands, accusations in the contact book and emails, texts which are supposed to be about co-parenting but he always manages to use as a way to "get at me" or put me down - all very "nicely" though. He has also recently threatened to reduce child maintenance recently which puts me on edge and he knows this as he knows I don't have much income.
At the same time as all this he is pressuring me to agree holidays, sit down in a room with him and talk, saying we should be able to hang out with DD together and that it'd be good for her.
I feel he's unstable and using this CAO and co-parenting thing as a stage for his victim/control/psychological games and dramas. I try and ignore most of what he says/does and focus on DD - remain business like, but it's been pretty constant drama, and pressure from him for months now. I am so stressed with it that all the skin on the palms of my hands and soles of my feet are peeling off, raw and painful due to stress eczema which I've never had before.
His application if he puts it in first, would be that he wants more nights per week with DD, that he pay less child maintenance, less phone calls for her with me during his contact time (currently only 1 per weekend in CAO), and for holiday time to be split in the exact way he wants it as he doesn't like my suggestion of split.
To me that sounds like he would be hugely wasting the courts time......would his application be viewed favourably? I have tried to agree with him but he is deliberately difficult, he won't compromise but expects me to agree to the letter what he wants, has tried to use mediation to pressure me, saying he is not willing to compromise at all.