Non Molestation Order

[simpleremote]

I contacted the court regarding a non molestation order last week. Sent them my application. They won't let me do an ex parte hearing as I'm not in physical danger (emotional abuse).

I'm terrified of coming face to face with my abuser again. I haven't seen him for weeks and he's furious he hasn't seen his child for weeks (social services have told me not to let him have contact under any circumstances until court can safeguard).

I hate that a cross examination can take place, and I know that he will further try to intimidate me. I feel quite unwell thinking about it. I almost don't want to go.

Does anyone know if it's really that awful?

He's so angry and aggressive. The thought of seeing him makes me clap up and completely panicky.

I've never been under cross examination, but my advice would be to stay calm, stick to facts, repeat yourself if need be, and don't get angry. Cry if you feel emotional, that won't go against you, but just try to stay calm. Be prepared for counter allegations to be thrown against you and be very clear in repeating your concerns over and over. Don't be drawn down a rabbit hole.

On the other hand, he may not even show up! Cowards rarely do.

What sort of funds has he access to? As in, is he on the dole, or is he a lawyer himself? It might affect whether he even shows up.

@DockerDre he's not got much money at all. Or smarts. He doesn't pay any child maintenance. I genuinely don't think he's got anything on me.

If he makes you feel that bad then it will come across and sadly to say that's a good thing. If you are unable to fully talk about the emotional abuse they will clearly see why. Do you have evidence to back up how he has communicated with you?
My exh was so cocky, he tried to play the victim, but he couldn't contain he self righteous

He can make shit up though. Unlikely if he can't afford a solicitor though. If he shows up alone, he'll show himself up.

It's unlikely he'll turn up to be honest. If he does, just stick to your story, don't be taken down a rabbit hole. In Ireland at least, with a judge presiding over it, I had a barrister but the barrister said that apparently this particular judge does most of the talking. My ex didn't show up. Coward that he is.

@poweroverme I do have evidence yes. The idea of talking about it in front of him makes me feel physically sick. I've had to go on anti anxiety medication again.

@DockerDre part of me hopes he doesn't but I am sure he will. I'm so nervous.

In your application did you state precisely why you were making the application in as much detail as possible?

All my judge asked me was whether everything I had written in my application was true. I confirmed it was. He hadn't shown up, so it was granted. Ireland though, so maybe slightly different.

I had help from the National Centre for Domestic Violence. They did the statement for me. There are so many other things I could've written in it.

If he does show up, judges seem to have a sixth sense - honestly.

He'll probably say you're not allowing him to see the children. Don't interrupt while he's speaking. Let him have his say. When the judge asks you to speak, then you speak, slowly and repeat why you need this. Repeat it ten times if needs be.

I don't know what grounds you're seeking it on.

But you could keep saying 'Yes, I refused to allow him access on x date as on y date he told me he would kill me and the kids if I didn't. I therefore didn't feel it was safe for him to have the kids. I felt that as he had threatened my life and the lives of my children, I was safer not allowing him to visit and take my children.'

You need to keep reiterating why you need this order in place.

'I feel unsafe'
'I am afraid/frightened/scared of him and what he will do'
'The verbal abuse is 'you're a cunt', 'you're a whore' etc.'

Keep with your story. Stick to the facts.

I have a young child, Post Natal Anxiety, I'm exhausted and can't think straight. I'm still breastfeeding overnight. I'm so so tired and just don't think I can find the energy for all this.

Does anyone know if I can take someone with me?

Firstly, yes, you can take someone with you - notify the court in advance. They will not be able to speak for you but can take notes and hand hold if necessary. You may have the PSU (Personal Support Unit) at your local court, in which case see if they can assist you as they have experienced volunteers. Again, they cannot speak for you but can note take.

Secondly, do not incessantly repeat the same thing in court. Judges are not fools and will simply be irritated by you doing what you have been advised to do here. It is not necessary to repeat everything ad infinitum as the Judge will hear you the first time (and will have read it in your statement).

Thirdly, you can ask for special measures at court; a separate room to wait in and screens in court so that you cannot see him and he cannot see you. He will have a right to cross examine you if it is set down for a full trial - what you have currently is a hearing, at which attempts will be made to resolve the issue, usually with an undertaking from him - and if not, the Judge may decide on the basis of the information before the court, or set it down for a full hearing.

Not everyone can think on their feet and a court room has to be the most stressful place I've ever had to speak.
As my barrister told me, the judge did all the talking. I had to do fuck all.
It's different depending on the judges, which if you're a lawyer you should bloody understand.
Don't denigrate every other input because you know it all. You possibly know it from the point of view of a solicitor - not as a victim.

Yes you can take someone as a McKenzie friend to support and assist (but not speak for) you.

The judge can refuse to let them in but rarely do. It needs to be someone who isn't likely to be a witness in the case, and who can behave themselves in court. Or a support worker if you have one and they will come.

@DockerDre....shoo!