Police are asking me to provide a statement about abusive ex

[Runorforgive]

I had a bad end to a serious 1 year relationship, ex was EA and in the end was violent and tried to strangle me. I have been going to counselling etc and thought I was doing OK and made progress. Ex was in prison for something else so I felt he was not a threat which has helped me to recover.

However the police have contacted me to say ex has successfully appealed his conviction and is now released from prison. He was done for fraud and got off on a technicality. Police seem desperate to convict him again and in the course of going over computer files to try and get a new prosecution they have found a video of him assaulting me very seriously.

When this happened I reported it but the police said they couldn’t pursue it due to lack of evidence. WhenI reported some ongoing contact from anonymous phones which I’m sure was from him (it was the same abusive messages he had been using when I was with him) I was told to drop the whole thing entirely or risk being prosecuted myself for wasting police time.

It’s a different force that dealt with the assault from the force dealing with the fraud. Can I refuse to provide or participate in any of this? The fraud police force are saying they could prosecute me for not cooperating in some way if I don’t help. I’m exhausted by all of this, I just want to focus on healing myself and don’t want anything to do with him or what he’s done anymore.

You may find that things have changed in the past few weeks. In Brighton a girl was prosecuted because she contacted the police several times because someone she, I think, worked with was stalking her and generally being a real nuisance. It got worse and he was creepy and obviously 'not quite right', breaking into her house etc, police wouldn't take any action and then he killed her. The Police have been told to rethink this 'it's only a domestic' attitude and take this awful behaviour seriously at long last and too late for this poor girl. It may be because there is a change of attitude and the police are having to catch up now

Thanks Sussexlady I think that they are simply trying to save face as their cock up was the reason he got released and acquitted. I asked if I could speak to an advisor from the SARC and they refused. The police were fraud specialists and after I asked if they had training dealing with DV and sexual assault they had only done some basic training years ago. It just doesn’t seem right.

It is difficult after they have treated you so badly but perhaps you need to think that that if you did help the police it may benefit you as it must be hard for you to think something horrible happened to you and no one cared if he was now prosecuted and dealt with you may then feel that at last someone has acknowledged that what he did to you was wrong. Would that help you maybe?

I can’t go to court to testify. He’s a very wealthy man and would have the best barrister and they’d rip me apart in five minutes. I’m not strong enough. Why are they expecting me to clear up the mess they’ve made in the fraud case by making me relive the hell that I have worked so hard to put behind me?

How awful for you. If they have video evidence of him assaulting you what else are they asking for. Maybe your counsellor could help you with this. Surely he cant deny anything with video evidence.

Those utter pillocks threatening you.

Please get some advice from women's aid - whichever one is local to you - and if needed they might have an advocacy worker who can advise you.

I think it sounds like there's plenty of evidence.
So it might be worth trying to get a conviction.
But do it on your own terms because you want to.
And complain about the arseholery

Thanks so much, I simply don’t want to be involved at all. I had reconciled myself with the situation when the police said they would not continue so I am working out if it’s the change there that has made me uneasy or the fact that he had a hidden camera and had knowingly recorded himself strangling me, punching me and then the rest. He’s such an arrogant man he probably never thought that it could be used against him. Between him and the police I am trying to work out who I detest more.

I know that feeling.

You do get some good police officers though.

Not this bunch, clearly.

I do think your local women's aid or Rights of Women could maybe give you some information and hopefully reassurance.

It's honestly chilling to think he actually filmed himself abusing you.

Please look after yourself - do things that make you feel cheered up.

There's two ways of looking at this...

1. They had no evidence ,but now there is and with some pressure from the other police force they're willing and confident to go ahead with it.

2.(the cynic in me) they fucked up so tried to find other things to get him for and found your file and the evidence. They're using you to get to him since he's pretty untouchable now i guess with wealth and an overturned conviction on his side. Also it would bypass the double jeopardy restrictions as it's a completely different crime.