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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Original poster

Take my Son

21 replies

StumooreMK · 26/05/2019 18:28

Hi All,
I hope someone can help me with this.
My son is 14 and lives with his mother, we split up 10 years ago, I am named as the father on the birth certificate and I have always seen my son regularly and he comes to stay often.

I need to remove him ASAP from his mothers custody, I am planning on just bringing him to mine and not returning him, the situation at his mothers is really really bad, my ex has told me many times that she is either going to put him in care or he will have to come to live with me, in the last month he has been removed from her address and taken to my older daughters twice by the police due to safety issues and my ex and her partner regularly get drunk, take drugs and fight all night, my son can never get to sleep at a time he should and his school work is badly being affected.
I have 2 older daughters who are both desperate for him to be out of that bad environment but neither of them can have him, his grandparents on her side also agree that he needs to be out of that situation.
Can I legally take him? I am more than happy to go to the social services and police straight away to let them know.
I just need some advice please, The .gov website says I have parental responsibility as I am in the birth certificate but does that mean I can take him?

Thanks in advance for help

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 26/05/2019 18:30

Not a lawyer
At 14 it will be up to him I imagine
If he wants to live with you just go and get him and if your ex calls the police and demands that he come home he can just say no

Original poster

StumooreMK · 26/05/2019 18:34

Oh he 100% wants to come here, he knows he will do so much better here & actually be praised and encouraged rather than being told to shut up all the tine

OP posts:

PaquitaVariation · 26/05/2019 18:35

It doesn’t sound like your ex is going to stop you, if she’s been saying he has to come to you anyway, so what’s the issue?

InTheHeatofLisbon · 26/05/2019 18:36

Does he have regular contact with you?

I'm assuming you live further away since it was his sister he was taken to in an emergency, which is why I asked.

If he can go to yours and you can organise schooling, and proof it's his choice plus SS involvement I can't see it being a problem.

I was told when XH threatened to take DS1 for good that I had no choice but to let him as he has parental rights and responsibilities.

Surfskatefamily · 26/05/2019 18:37

Go and get him asap. Situation sounds terrible. Yes you can, im sure some sort of reasonable contact with your ex can be sorted later that works around keeping him in a safe environment

Original poster

StumooreMK · 26/05/2019 18:40

Thanks people for the reassurance
Yes he wants to come here
His mum changes her mind as to weather he can live here or not, she uses it to bribe him
Yes I will invoke SS and sort a school ASAP
I live 69 miles from his mum, my daughter lives 2 mins round the corner (neither of my daughters see their mum due to the issues already mentioned)

OP posts:

Original poster

StumooreMK · 26/05/2019 18:41

Also have to add that my ex has another daughter (not mine) who she gave away to the father (luckily child)

OP posts:

InTheHeatofLisbon · 26/05/2019 18:43

Then it sounds as though bringing him to your house asap is the best option all round OP. His home life sounds utterly horrendous, and he needs a stable home because his exams will be coming up and he desperately needs stability and security before that happens.

Do you have a solicitor? It might be worth seeing one after he's at yours.

stucknoue · 26/05/2019 18:45

Take him and contact social services immediately. Also try to get proof. She could take you to court if social services can't prove what you are saying so evidence is key. If their actions are currently putting him in danger contact the police but they will only call the duty social worker if it's putting him at risk now

InTheHeatofLisbon · 26/05/2019 18:46

I realised the solicitor comment was a bit worrying, I meant it in order to reassure you about what you're doing and the legalities of making it permanent.

Original poster

StumooreMK · 26/05/2019 18:48

She will not do anything about courts etc, she will however ring the police.
As long as I’m not committing a crime then I’m happy, my son will be very safe & secure here.
I know he is 14 but he is an immature 14.

OP posts:

Starlight456 · 26/05/2019 18:51

Do you have a court order for contact? This is relevant as she may have residency within that.

You can apply for an emergency order. She can equally apply for an order for Ds to be returned but based on safeguarding issues then unlikely to succeed.

At 14 he would also be listened to if it went to court

bluebluezoo · 26/05/2019 18:52

If you have parental responsibility yes you can. You have the same rights she does.

Please to ring ss and the police though. It will save a lot of resources being used looking for him if she reports him missing or even a kidnap.

Original poster

StumooreMK · 26/05/2019 18:54

There has never been no court orders, we have always arranged my access between ourselves

OP posts:

StillMissV · 26/05/2019 19:01

If you have PR and there's no contact order then you have every bit as much responsibility for his welfare as she does. Legally you are within your rights to have him with you. Go get him, ASAP. And if you're concerned she might try and call the police etc, on Tuesday get yourself to your local court and file for a child arrangement order - it costs about £250 and you don't need a solicitor.

Skyechasemarshalontheway · 26/05/2019 21:10

If you are on the birth certificate and have no court orders about contact you can just take him.

You have as much rights as her which means the police will not return him to her if she calls.

Chocolate50 · 26/05/2019 21:41

Don't bother with SS unless they are already involved - go straight to the family court & ask them to grant a child arrangements order for him to live with you permanently.

Lonecatwithkitten · 27/05/2019 07:51

Having been through a bit dis-similar situation if the police have removed him for his safety on at least two occasions you would be negligent to leave him in her care any longer. My solicitor advised me that as I have parental responsibility to protect my daughter and on that basis I stopped overnight contact.
My Ex blustered and ranted a bit, but never actually went to a solicitor let alone court.
If she calls the police and they turn up at your door, the police themselves have already had sufficient concerns to remove him on two occasions that is all they will need to know.
If it is half term now you have a week to sort out school and if he is 14 he is likely in year 9 getting him somewhere he feels safe, secure and supported before he starts his GCSEs is a priority.

cdtaylornats · 27/05/2019 08:09

Is it liable to have your ex going to your daughters house and kicking up a fuss? If so it might be worth warning her when it is going to happen, and possibly the police in her area.

Original poster

StumooreMK · 27/05/2019 17:34

My son is now here with me, he has told me he doesn’t want to go back to his mums as he never feels safe there.
I haven’t told my ex yet, she won’t notice until Thursday as he is supposed to be at my daughters.
My daughter lives in a secure mother & baby unit that she is already banned from so she won’t get any hassle

OP posts:

MunaZaldrizoti · 27/05/2019 17:41

Sounds like you've done the right thing. If there have been police call outs and things have been so bad the police have taken him into their custody that appears to be your proof right there. Police should have also done a MERLIN which means SS should have been aware. Contact your local SS, explain what happened and ask for support. Go to court and make things official.

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