Breaching court order - back again

[spaceyface89]

In the absence of representation, I'm again seeking advice on court order breaches.

To be very brief, the court order states I must collect and drop off child at fathers house. He lives half a mile away.

Recently he's been withholding child if I dont come to the door. The precedent has always been me beeping and child being brought out. Ex is now refusing this. He's also sending his girlfriend out to relay this message despite me telling him I find this really intimidatory. This evening, he refused again to bring child out and sent his girlfriend. Eventually the child was brought to the car and when we drove him, child said to me 'daddy says you don't want me mummy, please don't leave me.'

I'm now dreading returning to his house for drop offs and pickups because it's traumatic for me and child. I'm concerned he's emotionally manipulating child to think I'm not going to come and collect. Child refused to let me leave the bedroom this evening after all this and kept saying 'don't go mummy'

I want to write to his solicitor to say child will be available for contact but that I intend to breach the order and will require ex to pick up from mine to alleviate the problems we face now. If he wants to enforce it, he can return it to court. He has a car so this is not obstructive.

I have no idea of whether this is viable and if he does try to enforce it, the judge would see its reasonable. It's a small part of the court order and I don't have the money to make an application to vary it for such a tiny bit of it.

Any thoughts and particularly legal opinions would be welcome

take it back to court to vary the arrangements (at the very least). Perhaps consider variation to say that in view of what he's saying to the child contact needs to be supervised.

Have been through similar. Applied to vary. Judge didn’t care about child’s distress.

I wouldn’t recommend breaching the order either.

Dont breech the order, its not worth the shitstorm that will land on your head.

Its unusual to be ordered to do both drop off and pick up from his house. Why was that? Was there problems with pick up and drop from yours? I think a court might struggle to see why you cant go to the door (they had exh still coming to the door even after he'd tried ramming it)

If you want to do anything you need to return it to court ask for a variation to neutral territory. But youd need justification.

(Not least because handover in a neutral location is really not easy for the child and its not the normalcy anyone wants for them unless there's really good reason )

Is there a reason why you feel you can't go to the door?

Just go to the door , but record it...
Then he can't complain.
Fight the battles you can win.
Tell your child anyone who says you will leave them ever is a lier, and ask you child
Has mummy ever not got you?.

Just go to the door , but record it...

Whenever I've come across cases in which a parent has done this (even recorded openly) the judge has always been critical. I can never understand it. But there you go.

I was thinking of her phone on voice in her pocket, in case he says anything nasty...
Just to help with any worries he would be conflictory at the door ...
This way if there was a problem there is proof.
Also once you do go to the door, you don't need to say more that ... Hi here to collect X.. anything he wants ,more ask him to text or email to you, as you don't intend to engage on that issue right now....
Or take someone else with you....

Don't breach the order. If you do he will apply for enforcement. Much better to be on the front foot by applying to have the order varied. At the very least, I doubt the court will be impressed by his insistence that you come to the door personally. And if you have evidence of parental alienation (i.e. him turning your child against you) you may, as Collaborate says, be able to persuade the court that contact should be supervised.

A variation is the way to go. Mine was drop off and collect in a public place due to dv history. As pp stated, if there is anything that looks like alienation, you could apply for supervised contact- that's what I have now, but it took a long time.