My rights as a mother

[Linzi0206]

Hey, first time here, I’m really stuck.
Me and my children’s father have been separated for 5 years now.
I have just found out that he has tried to rape a woman, she approached me, told me everything, she is having counselling and is on medication to deal with it all. She’s also had to get a dog as she’s so scared of being in the house alone. It has been reported to the police via the counselling so she is anonymous but she will be contacted if anything else like that is reported to the police to build their case against him.

As a mother I wouldn’t allow anybody who had attempted to rape a woman look after my kids. As I’m sure most wouldn’t?

But he is their dad.. but he’s still the same as anyone else and I feel like I don’t want him around my kids now.

what’s everyone else’s opinions?? I feel like I’m trapped because legally I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on

Hey, first time here, I’m really stuck.
Me and my children’s father have been separated for 5 years now.
I have just found out that he has tried to rape a woman, she approached me, told me everything, she is having counselling and is on medication to deal with it all. She’s also had to get a dog as she’s so scared of being in the house alone. It has been reported to the police via the counselling so she is anonymous but she will be contacted if anything else like that is reported to the police to build their case against him.

As a mother I wouldn’t allow anybody who had attempted to rape a woman look after my kids. As I’m sure most wouldn’t?
But he is their dad.. but he’s still the same as anyone else and I feel like I don’t want him around my kids now.

what’s everyone else’s opinions?? I feel like I’m trapped because legally I wouldn’t have a leg to stand on

Do you believe the women who told you is trustworthy and honest?
If you believe it and believe that he is capable (you obv know him well after having a couple kids) then I hope somehow you can distance yourselves.
Very difficult - even if you do have distance, going to be hard explaining to kids without saying the truth

It’s very troubling. One the one hand it’s a serious allegation. On the other hand he deserves the chance to defend himself. I think you need to speak to him and take it from there.

If there is no contact order you can affectively do what you want but if you just accept the woman’s word for it without giving him the opportunity to respond it would not seem like a fair thing to do.

As per previous posters he is entitled to be innocent until proven guilty - I've heard of absolute horror stories before of people being of accused of things and they have then unequivocally been proved innocent. I would tread very carefully?

Also you said this woman will be contacted by the police "if anything else like that is reported" - does this mean that the police aren't charging him with anything in relation to this allegation?

Thanks guys,
It's such a hard topic.
The woman hasn't pressed charges or reported it to the police directly, her councillor reported it on her behalf to keep her anonymous so he hasn't actually been arrested or questioned. There is just a note on "his file" as such.
I have spoke to him he, he denied it.. obviously.

I don't know the woman accusing so to say how trustworthy she is I don't know.
I just feel like I need to be prepared for the worst if anything does come of it and he is actually guilty.

I wouldn't just accuse him, but I am now very weary of what he's up to etc and of course if anything else like this has/does happen I would only know if the women approach me and tell me as he isn't going to tell me.