Elderly Mum - Sole POA to my abusive sister?

[ptumbi]

My mum is 90, and owns her own home. My sister lives down the road, I live 2.5 hours drive away. My sister is toxic, I have been NC with her for over 10 years.

A few months ago I phoned mum and she very proudly told me that she had been to the solicitors and signed a form authorising my sister 'to clear the house when I'm gone'. I have no idea what this form is, and asked her straight up if it was a Power of Attorney. She got agitated and shouted that she 'doesn't know what these terms mean'. (For clarity, she is not English born, but has lived over here for over 60 years and is of course fully fluent.)
I made an appointment with her solicitor and went with her (and with my niece, my sister's dd (24) who was there as well) and to my horror, it was indeed a Power of Attorney, solely to my sister. It had been drafted and sent off, but was not yet fully in effect - I think it needed to be registered? Anyway, I told the solicitor that a Sole POA could not be in my mum's best interests, and that I didn't trust my sister to do right by mum. (My Niece agreed!) The solicitor spoke to mum alone, and when we came back, we agreed that the safest way forward was for me and sister to have a Joint POA - whereby sister can still do day-to-day stuff (she does mum's banking and shopping and has control of mum's bank cards ) but any big financial dealing have to have both agreements.

I have emailed the sols twice since then (it's been about 5 weeks) but heard nothing. Phoned mum yesterday, and it sounds like she is veering again towards sister being Sole POA - I cant' get out of her what she's done, but it might be that she's gone back to the sols to change it all again.

If she has, will it raise Red Flags? That mum might be being co-erced by my sister into Sole POA? Surely a Sole POA is just asking for sister to put mum in a home and sell her house? Surely a Joint POA is safer all round? Mum is saying things like 'but is only down the road, she can get things done' like this is a good thing! Sister tells mum that mum can 'live with her' (her house is totally unsuitable and her DH wouldn't allow it anyway ) and that she wouldn't out her in a home - but words are cheap and if sister can get her hands on money, she will.

I am beginning to wonder whether mum has actually past the point of being able to make an informed decision - what can I do?
If she has been co-erced by my sister - do I have any redress against the solicitor who should be aware of/looking for this?
How can I get mum assessed as to her mental health? She is very forgetful, and doesn't know what any of this stuff means. She shouted at me that in 90 years she's never had dealings with solicitors and doesn't understand - surely this means she can't be allowed to legally sign anything? Shouldn't the solicitor have picked this up?

Sorry it's so long.

Can you log a concern with the office of public guardian?

I have emailed the sols twice since then (it's been about 5 weeks) but heard nothing. Phoned mum yesterday, and it sounds like she is veering again towards sister being Sole POA - I cant' get out of her what she's done, but it might be that she's gone back to the sols to change it all again.

I think you need to have a conversation with your mum to clarify if she has changed her mind and why. If your Mum is making this choice (as you indicate above) there is nothing you can do about it. And her making unwise choices doesn't mean she is past the point of being able to make these decisions.

If you think your Mum is being coerced then you could raise it with your local social services department as a safeguarding concern, details on safeguarding in my local area here, www.westsussex.gov.uk/social-care-and-health/social-care-support/adults/raise-a-concern-about-an-adult/ yours will have something similar just search your local authority area and safeguarding adults and it will pop up.

Thanks - namechange, I am not sure what she's done, and quite honestly it's difficult to get out of her what she's done as she either doesn't know, or doesn't remember! I don't know if she's changed her mind, she just mumbled about how sister 'is right there', and I'm not (being 120 miles away). It is so worrying that she fully admits that she doesn't understand, even when the solicitor explained it to her - she forgets). And she won't listen to me.

I just wonder if the solicitor should pick up that she is/may be being co-erced, or if it would ring alarm bells, to have one daughter bring mum in to get Sole POA (and presumably tell her it's just so that she is 'authorised to clear the house' after mum passes) and then the other daughter come in for Joint POA, and then the first daughter comes back to push her into a Sole POA in her facour... would the solicitor be able to flag this up as Mum being vulnerable? Or would they just take the money and do whatever is asked at the time?

I will ring the adult safeguarding - I don't know what they could do though. I doubt mum would talk to them. I will try Age UK tomorrow as well. Again, not sure what they can do.

I don't know how I could go about getting mum assessed for possible Dementia (no other signs other than forgetfulness and occasional anger) or what happens if she is not capable of making good choices (even when explained to her) but is still of 'sound' mind

Call adult social services and the office of the public guardian for advice. If you ring her g.p. with your concerns they may be able to arrange a capacity assessment to see if she is able to make her own decisions even if others think they are bad decisions. If you feel she is being coersed into anything call Elder Abuse as well.

I spoke to Age UK in her local area, and expressed my concerns. She agreed that it looked odd (one party going for Sole POA, then stopping a joint POA, and going again for SOLE!) and she mentioned that the solicitor should be looking out for signs that Mum is being coerced, or that she is not understanding the situation. Which she simply isn't!

Apparently i could organise another solicitor to assess mum, even in her own home, to see if she is able to make these decisions - but i think mum will just nod and agree with whatever. And then forget. As has been shown.

She must also have signed a form stating that there is no one else who should be informed about the POA being granted! Neither my brother nor I have been informed about the POA. So either my sister has glossed over it ('just sign it mum' ) or mum's been misinformed about what this means.

I have an appointment with my own solicitor now, who will, (I hope) challenge the POA being granted at all, due to mum not understanding, or being manipulated, or deliberately misinformed.

If the lpa not registered you can object to it. It takes 6-8 weeks to be issued for this reason. Go on the office of public guardian website or ring them up. Act quickly

I've emailed the Office of the Public Guardian today, outlining my concerns. The lpa has not been sent off - the original Sole POA was stopped before stamping/registration (?) and revoked in favour of the Joint one, which has now been stopped, back in favour of the Sole Poa....

I honestly think it would be better all round if the Solicitors simply said 'she is not capable of understanding' - which she isn't, patently, and it's all stopped right there. Mum said to me today that my sister told her it should be Sole POA - 'otherwise she (me) would have to come down to look after you (Mum) when you're ill'!!! I said that is absolute nonsense, and mum agreed it made no sense - but she still signed it!

The fact that Sis has done all this secretly - quietly taking mum to the solicitors, declaring that NO ONE else needs to be aware of the application - is illegal, I'm told. Mum may not have understood the question - but sister would def have. I hope this is raising Big Red Flags at the solicitors.

Just the challenge by me - who wasn't informed of the POA and should have been - must be ringing Alarm Bells, i'd have thought. That is why they are asked if there's anyone else who should be informed - so that they can challenge. To stop manipulative controlling people (like my sister) from doing exactly that.

Poor mum - she doesn't understand. She doesn't want any of this - which is why she is just nodding and signing whatever is put in front of her.

Not sure where we go from here - I don't know what my sister was planning or why she thought a POA was necessary or needed. But she obvs wanted it done on the quiet.

It is a good idea to appoint attorneys but of course it’s a powerful document so extremely important that the person trusts their attorney. The attorney enriching themselves as a result of their position is illegal. If your mother does not have capacity she can’t put in place her own lpa anyway. In that case you or your sister have to apply to the court of protection and they will decide who should be your mothers deputy. This takes about 6 months and is more expensive hence why most people prefer to get LPAs in place in advance of capacity issues. Opg are very helpful and their website nice and clear. Good luck

My aunt did exactly the same to her mum / my dad, except it was to change a will as well. My gran got very upset that money seemed to be disappearing from her account. My dad investigated and it turned out my aunt had got her to sign a POA which was activated when my gran got démentia and moved in with her. My aunt was using her card / money to pay for petrol, car insurance (for a car my gran couldn’t drive - but my cousin was using it daily), and buying furniture etc for her house. My dad went to the family solicitor- they all have the same one - and found out that as well as getting POA and not telling my dad, they’d also got my gran to change her will in my aunts favour. After a big family discussion, my gran clearly wanted things to be done more fairly, so the solicitor was instructed to change the will.

Then after my gran died, it turned out my aunt had taken my gran back to the solicitor again and changed the will in her favour. The solicitor said nothing to my dad at any point about this.

My dad still doesn’t speak to his sister.

So to answer your question, in my experience solicitors concern themselves with the law, not with protecting elderly people from greedy relatives. They aren’t social workers.

bogstandard - of course thy aren't social workers, but they are trined to look out for signs of vulnerable people being exploited, which it looks like your aunt was doing. And my sister is doing.

The fact is that the solicitor should have asked if anyone else 'needs to know', and this should mean close family. I wasn't told about the secret POA, as it seems your father wasn't. It should be an illegal act to swear that no one is concerned.

I can quite easily see my sister getting mum to change her Will. Mum says she never would, but who knows? Again, the solicitor should be aware that the person is of sound mind - how they do that in a 15-30 minute appt I don't know. But they should - and if there is any doubt (and Red Flags should have been noted in your father's case ) they can refuse to go ahead with it.

It is actually illegal to use a POA for your own ends - if proven. The Office of Public Guardian says that.