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Legal matters

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Original poster

Can a father VOLUNTARILY give up parental responsibility?

23 replies

rodentattack · 29/04/2019 16:20

I posted here yesterday about how to keep my ex out of any school applications for our children and this is on a somewhat different topic ...

It occurred to me that one way of keeping my ex out of our lives is to ask him to give up parental responsibility, perhaps in return for me agreeing to stop claiming maintenance from him. Does anyone know if it is possible for a father voluntarily to give up parental responsibility? The only information I can find about this online deals with the idea of trying to take parental responsibility from a father without him agreeing - which I understand is difficult and which I wouldn't attempt. But i think there is a chance that he might agree to give up parental responsibility, if this is possible. Any advice gratefully received.

OP posts:

prh47bridge · 29/04/2019 17:49

No, he cannot.

AdoreTheBeach · 29/04/2019 18:02

I’d suggest consulting a lawyer here in the UK. I did just what you’re suggesting - via a consent order. Had to go to court, both parties represented in court by separate legal counsel. In the consent order, Father gave up all parental rights and I gave up all claim to past (arrears) and future child support. We weren’t married, but father was on birth certificate and had briefly been involved with our DC’s life and we were a couple (before father decided fatherhood wasn’t for him, and took up with another woman too). But this wasn’t in UK, however as the country this happened in is based on british common law, suggest you look into it.

MissMalice · 29/04/2019 18:16

If the situation is as serious as your post suggests, I’d be speaking to a lawyer about a prohibited steps order or a specific issue order.

Is he actually involving himself in any of these matters? Presumably if there’s a chance he’d be willing to give up PR he’s probably absent anyway?

Wheresmyvagina · 29/04/2019 18:18

I'm not a lawyer but I have never come across this and can't see any reason why that mechanism would exist.

Di11y · 29/04/2019 18:23

my BIL gave up parental responsibility when his ex remarried and her DH wanted to adopt and become a 'proper' family.

Original poster

rodentattack · 29/04/2019 19:51

Thank you all! I'm waiting to hear back from my solicitor to discuss options. Ex is absent from our lives except for sending the kids birthday and Xmas cards. He took me to court to get contact with them but lost - CAFCASS recommended no contact (very rare for them to do this). I have no contact with him but my oldest will be starting secondary school in a couple if years and I don't want to have to involve him in the application - I'm afraid it might rock the boat. Also, I'm about to move house and I would like to avoid him knowing where we are living ... for the past 3 years (since we last saw him) I have been looking over my shoulder and I would like some peace of mind. Although he doesn't currently cause me any trouble, he is living with a woman who I am 99% certain he's stealing from (as in taking out thousands of £ of debt in her name, as he did to me) ... at some point she and his other 'friends' will realise what he's like and cut him out, making him homeless and friendless ... in that 'nothing left to lose' situation I'm scared of what he might do, so ideally I'd like for him not to know where we are, where the kids go to school etc.

OP posts:

MissMalice · 29/04/2019 20:00

I’ve never had to involve my ex in school applications. Technically he has the right to be consulted and as we are amicable, I’ve been able to make decisions with him but if your ex is absent, you’re probably fine to make the decision without him.

In terms of your address - if the children have letterbox contact and you don’t want to give your address, where will he write to?

Original poster

rodentattack · 29/04/2019 20:10

MissMalice That is reassuring! That would make things so much easier. As for the letterbox contact, I would plan on writing to him and telling him to send stuff c/o me at my work address.

OP posts:

Lucked · 29/04/2019 20:17

Can you not just leave him off and claim ignorance of his current whereabouts, I can’t imagine they would go to any lengths to track him down.

Original poster

rodentattack · 29/04/2019 20:20

Lucked Yes, that is a good idea. In honesty, I don't actually know where he lives and am only assuming that he is still lodging with this poor woman. I need to speak to my kids' headmaster tomorrow (about a completely unrelated matter) so I will ask his advice - he will know more about whether it's likely to be easy to leave ex off the application.

OP posts:

prh47bridge · 29/04/2019 21:11

Application forms for secondary schools do not normally ask for details of parents. They ask for the child's details, the address where the child lives, the preferred schools and possibly some other supporting information. They also want to know who is applying. They do not generally ask for details of other people with parental responsibility.

Wheresmyvagina · 30/04/2019 10:44

The way that parental responsibility is applied in law the the U.K. is that parents are assumed to have gained consent from all parties with PR before making decisions. Unless someone with PR makes a complaint or an application to court to prevent someone making a decision then nobody else will do so.

Original poster

rodentattack · 30/04/2019 12:15

I really appreciate everyone's advice here. I am going to make the application myself and then when my child starts secondary school, I will contact the school to fill them in about my ex. I think it's really unlikely that my ex would contact the school (if he could work out which school it is, haha) .. as long as neither the council nor the school is hell bent on involving him, we should be fine :)

OP posts:

LauraJo19 · 06/08/2020 20:40

Hi There, Did you get an answer? My ex would like to give up PR for our child who they've not seen for a long time and I'm happy to consent to this but not sure if its possible? Thanks

mvilma6 · 29/03/2021 14:21

hi LauraJo19 and Rodenattack, did you got any luck with removing parental responsibilities?

I'm on the same situation, ex husband is willing to give up parental responsibilities but im not sure if it actually can be done

regards

prh47bridge · 29/03/2021 19:02

It can't. If you were married when your child was born the only way your ex can lose PR is if your child is adopted. Even if you were not married when your child was born, the courts would only remove his PR in extreme circumstances, e.g. if he had sexually assaulted your child or there had been extreme domestic violence.

Why do you want him to give up PR? What difference will it make?

Rach1million · 17/12/2021 09:57

I would be interested to hear if anyone found out if this is possible. It matters because if your ex has nothing to do with your child but then something happens to you then that child becomes their responsibility even if they haven’t seen them for years which I could imagine would be pretty distressing for a child to lose their mother and be packed off to live with a stranger.

prh47bridge · 17/12/2021 12:45

A father cannot voluntarily give up PR. However, that does not mean the child would automatically go to the father if something happened to the mother. If someone else steps in and cares for the child, the father would have to go to court if he wanted the child to live with him. The courts won't give him the child just because he has PR. If he hasn't seen the child for years he is unlikely to succeed.

Biscuitandacuppa · 17/12/2021 12:49

I applied this year for secondary school, didn’t include my ex on the application, he doesn’t care which school she goes to and it wasn’t an issue at all.

Viviennemary · 17/12/2021 12:51

I have heard of it when a new partner adopts the child so the biological parent gives up parental rights.

prh47bridge · 17/12/2021 12:53

@Viviennemary

I have heard of it when a new partner adopts the child so the biological parent gives up parental rights.

On adoption the biological parent automatically loses PR. There is no option for them to retain PR. However, that does not seem to be what the person who revived this thread is interested in.

Rach1million · 17/12/2021 13:19

Oh this is useful to know! Thank you I assumed he would automatically get custody of the child. So if I mother wrote a will stating who she wanted to take care of her child then the father would have to go to court to fight that decision?

prh47bridge · 17/12/2021 15:06

Take proper legal advice but the mother can appoint a guardian in your will. The guardianship doesn't take effect until both parents die unless the mother has a court order stating that the child lives with them, but it would clearly indicate the mother's wishes. If the father has not had contact for years and the guardian is well known to the child, I would expect the court to order that the child lives with the guardian if there is any dispute.

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