How many chances will the court give a father before they tell them to bugger off

[Carashand]

DD is 5.

Ex saw her for the first two years on a regular basis, more than a court would give, daily phone contact.

He then met his new partner and stopped turning up. Since then he regularly disappears for 2/3 months and then gets back in contact. All apologies it won’t happen again can I see DD. He sees her once or twice, phones a few times and then disappears again.

Last time he did this, 6 mths ago I refused and said you’ve had enough chances, it isn’t fair on DD, you want to see her then take me to court. He arranged mediation, I went to my session and then he never turned up to the joint one!

lol and behold he text me again two weeks ago wanting to see DD. I replied back again, not happening without something solid in place. And again today I have a letter inviting me to mediation.

I told the mediation lady last time I didn’t think we would be able to mediate as there are safeguarding concerns with ex’s partner (her kids are in care). I’m not wasting another £80 just for him to not turn up.

I’ve read so many stories on here where dads who are violent etc get contact with their kids. Will a judge give any weight at all to someone just being utterly useless at sticking around for more than two weeks?!

Yes they will. It is in theory centred around the best interests of the child and low contact is considered better than no contact. If you have safeguarding concerns he may initially get supervised contact, but the court will certainly not tell him to bugger off. If only it was that easy

So he takes me to court and get access. And then disappears again. And then gets access and then disappears again.

And that’s ok?

A judge will just keep giving him access? No concern for how it affects a child having a dad who comes and goes as he pleases?

I think the assumption that’s worked on by courts is that it’s positive for a child to see a parent. I suspect a court would be unlikely to say he’s not allowed to see his DD.

The single parenting threads might have some help and advice on how to support a DC with a parent that’s sporadic with their contact.

A judge will just keep giving him access

Not forever, no. If he doesn't take up court ordered access you can apply to have it reduced or removed.

And if he takes it up and then flakes again... why is there no concern for how that shapes a child’s self esteem? No wonder there are so many women who can’t identify emotionally abusive relationships when they are forced to be in one as a child

Of course there is concern. So, if he takes it up and then stops, you can go back to court and apply to have contact reduced or removed as per my post.