Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

He's going to get a prohibited steps order

21 replies

purplepeoniesx · 25/04/2019 11:07

I'm moving away from my ex with our son. Other side of the country. My family are here and I'm getting exceedingly more isolated where I am currently.

My ex was an abusive arse and still is to an extent.

No court order in place.

Would a court be likely to refuse me the move?

OP posts:
TheVanguardSix · 25/04/2019 11:12

Can I recommend the WikiVorce site and forum? It was a godsend to me when going through the turmoil of co-parenting with an arsy ex.

GoJetterGirl · 25/04/2019 11:14

Can I suggest you move this to legal?

TeacupDrama · 25/04/2019 11:15

firstly it depends how far high likely to be agreed if can travel in a couple of hours as that makes EOW perfectly possible however if it is 8 hours travel that effectively makes weekend visits impossible

The person who moves away often has to facilitate visiting by taking the child to the other parent not being able to afford it isn't a reason not to.
Do you really want to drive 2 hours every 2nd friday evening and then 2 hours after drop off back home then 4 hours round trip on the sunday to fetch child home

if your child will still be able to see his father EOW hopefully it would be approved; the court look at child's best interest which does prioritise the child's right to a relationship with both parents
The court do not take it as given that an abusive partner is an abusive father

BarbarianMum · 25/04/2019 11:16

Depends on a lot of things. Chiefly what is considered best for your child. So if he was (for example) settled at school, in the (ex) family home with plenty of contact with his father then they may be less keen. But if you're more or less a single parent, struggling to make ends meet w no support then they'reunlikely to stop you. Although there may be conditions around ongoing contact.

titchy · 25/04/2019 11:17

Apply for one yourself. Whether you get it will depend on existing vs new levels of contact, and how the move will benefit dc - do you have school, house, job sorted?

Original poster
purplepeoniesx · 25/04/2019 11:21

He hasn't paid any maintenance, he hasn't seen him for weeks. He's done things to get at me that have been significantly detrimental to our child. He was only born at the end of last year so it's not like he knows what's going on. I'm going to be going back to work soon. Son will be going in to nursery. I have zero help here. If I go back my mum and Dad can do childcare reducing what I have to pay by 8 days a month (over £300). All my friends are there, I can work there.

OP posts:
Original poster
purplepeoniesx · 25/04/2019 11:22

@titchy he's not even 1 yet so it'll be nursery and childcare from my parents. I'll be moving in with my dad rent free until I find my feet (my dad is wealthy and happy for me to do this). My job can be done from anywhere as long as I have a laptop.

OP posts:
Brakebackcyclebot · 25/04/2019 11:25

Put together all your evidence and reasons for the move into a document so that you are clear on your reasoning.

Has he actually said he will go for an order to prevent you moving?

BarbarianMum · 25/04/2019 11:26

That all sounds v promising, he doesn't sound like he cares about his child at all. If it goes to court try and get some legal advice. And make sure you frame things clearly to show the advantages of the move for your ds. Better standard of living because you can work (and arsewipe pays no maintenance), better home, stable childcare by family. Good luck.

Original poster
purplepeoniesx · 25/04/2019 11:26

@Brakebackcyclebot no but his ex was going to move a shorter distance with his daughter and he said he would stop them, and he said he'd do the same to me in a heartbeat.

OP posts:
Original poster
purplepeoniesx · 25/04/2019 11:27

Thanks @BarbarianMum - the abuse was quite awful, and proven so I have access to legal aid which is very helpful. I also have a non molestation order against him. Forgot to mention that!

OP posts:
MNHQ
JoMumsnet · 25/04/2019 11:27

Hi, we're moving this thread to our Legal Matters topic at the OP's request.

Brakebackcyclebot · 25/04/2019 11:34

his ex was going to move a shorter distance with his daughter and he said he would stop them, and he said he'd do the same to me in a heartbeat

This is a nasty threat. Keep a note of this in your records, of when he said it, everything.

If you have proven DA evidence, and access to legal aid, and a non-molestation order against him, then it sounds like you are on firm ground. Would your legal aid entitlement cover a consultation with a solicitor around this issue? If so, then I would go for legal advice.

RB68 · 25/04/2019 11:47

I think he can go for an order but you have plenty of mitigating factors - if it is about support for raising your child when he is not involved, not providing for his child and also being abusive.

  1. Make sure all abuse is logged in your records and if sufficient evidence with police. If it is impacting on your child then I would also think about involving SS to be able to log the impact on the child and justify your action (of moving away) all though I appreciate that is scary for many in difficult circumstances
  1. Be clear that this is for the benefit of your child - so you can provide for him by working and him having sufficient and appropriate care
  1. You might want to go for an order where child arrangements are addressed so residency is clear, PR is clear and contact is clear. Is he on your child's BC? If not it will be easier.

I would be tempted to go and get some initial advice regarding the wider situation, set child arrangements up then he may not have a basis to go for prohibitive steps particualrly given the age of the child and his involvement with the child. In some ways the maintenance issue is irrelevant for these purposes - although that needs persuing separately given even if he is unemployed there is maintenance that should be paid

GoJetterGirl · 25/04/2019 12:16

@PH47bridge

One for your advice?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 25/04/2019 12:23

If you've got a job over there, that might help - do you have a contract or is it just an idea at this stage?

Collaborate · 25/04/2019 14:37

Provided you're not leaving the UK you can just go ahead and do it. the court might be persuaded to make a pre-emptive order preventing you doing it if he gets advance notice, but if he's not had contact for weeks and shown no interest in having contact, just do it anyway and deal with any application he may make. It's much harder to get a court to order a mother to return to a place where she once lived than it is to get an order preventing her from moving whilst the court process is ongoing.

RedHelenB · 26/04/2019 07:43

Does be see his other child regularly?

Original poster
purplepeoniesx · 26/04/2019 07:54

Hi @RedHelenB - yes, though when I lived there he used to go out a lot and I would do most of the caring, and now I've left she goes to her grandads a lot instead of her dads. They have a court order in place but I believe his ex is taking him back to court because he's not sticking to it.

OP posts:
Inliverpool1 · 29/04/2019 21:04

Better to ask for forgiveness than permission

Original poster
purplepeoniesx · 29/04/2019 22:02

This is very true. On paper I've now relocated so I'm guessing they can't do anything now...

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread