Ex going for full custody

[Kiaser1990]

Are son is now 10 we spilt up when he 1 and ex now wants full custody, my son does say he wants to live with his dad but I think it more of a fantasy land not really life as I. He only sees once a month at most and they always do something fun, my issue here is contact has never been consistent he work aboard till ds was 6 and when he did come back to England he still lived 4 hours away from us and still does. He’s reason are that I don’t properly look after are son as I have to other kids that have additional needs and have suffered with depression. He thinks that he’d be able to give our ds a better life with him but that would also means he moves him 4 hours away from all of his family and friends and the only home he’s ever known, while I understand my ds is saying that he wants to live with his dad it only takes him a week in the holidays to be so upset that he misses his family that he has to come home I just don’t know what to do here or how the out from a court case would turn out

I doubt a judge would deem an extremely part time df more important than a dm +siblings at ten yo.
Keep a diary of your home life with your dc. See what ex presents as his case to the courts. He won't have much will he??
Inform school so they can provide support and school reports - ds can't be just moved school and leave his life behind can he?
Does he pay cms? Will he even pay for court?

Yeah he pays cms, and is paying for court. His reasoning behind it is that’s what ds wants and with my other children I’m not looking after ds well enough. On simple things like I said I’d take him to thorpe park but due to things out side of my control we never made it. Or when the kids fight ds tells him and he said he documenting as evidence for court

Look at the basics of DS’s life. Is he happy at school? Is he going to his next school with friends? Does he have good friends? Will he miss his friends? Is he well dressed, enough good food and space at home to chill? Can he do any sport or hobbies?

On the other hand, is his father feeding him the notion that he’s got a better life within grasp but not understanding friendships and a settled home life? What school would he go to? Does ex have time to care for DS? Get a solicitor and try and get represented at court. If you cannot, look at the positives I’ve outlined above re staying with you and the disruption of moving.

Maybe offer every weekend contact as a way of being reasonable. If either of them have any issue with it then it will act in your favour in court

I totally understand why your son would want to live with his dad, and I'm not saying that to be mean but thinking like a 10 year old he has a 'disney dad' who doesn't have to give attention to anyone else and probably has late nights.

Is your son in year 6? I'm just thinking about school and transferring to secondary.

I'd suggest dxh starts with weekends, all weekends, pick up ds from school Friday tea time and have him back to school Monday morning. Sed ds with clothes for the weekend but make sure dxh has to wash son's uniform over the weekend.

Ask dxh if he has looked at schools for your son? Does he know the procedure to apply?

Ask dxh about your son's medical history, which vaccinations he has had, which he hasn't yet.

What the day to day routine will be with dxh working? What if ds is sick?

How will ds get to attend family birthdays? What contact with his mum's family will he have and how will it be maintained?

I would bet even money your ds and dxh will not have thought about any on this, which is fine for a 10 year old but not fine for an adult who has not thought things through.

Get proper legal advice and start finding all the evidence you can. Past issues, unreliability, text messages etc. Anything that helps your case.

Can you or he move realistically? I'm not expecting a yes btw.

Does you other child have a big impact on DSs life?

Find some facts that support your corner. And talk to you son.

I would make an effort to spend one on one with your son and he is old enough now to have the conversation about what living with dad full time would mean he would still need to go to school it would be different he would see you less his dad would let you see him once a month etc etc

It would be an 8 hour drive to pick ds up and take him back to his and he can’t do every weekend due to his job.ive spoken to ds and he said has more fun with his dad and get more attention and get to do more cool things. He would get more attention as there time would be one on one, but he’d also have to go in after school clubs holidays clubs as the school holidays differer in are parts of the country and he’d have to start over again

It would be an 8 hour drive to pick ds up and take him back to his and he can’t do every weekend due to his job

Well if he can't do every weekend how is he going to do full time?

ive spoken to ds and he said has more fun with his dad and get more attention and get to do more cool things

Which won't be the case if he is with his dad full time.

I get the feeling he’s just thinking about what he wants here not what’s best for ds, and he has another ds that lives down the road from him that he has non contact with surely that’s gotta against him ?

I would really focus on the positives of being with you for continuity. The other child is neither here nor there. It’s down to you to say why staying with you is best for DS. There are holidays to see Dad. A judge will listen to DS but they like continuity and attention that isn’t on going isn’t really what they are looking for. Can Dad even get him a school place? Would that meet his needs?

I suggest you talk to DS and go through all the reasons why he should be with you.

Has ds got a point as regards lack of attention from you? Albeit for very good reasons on your part. Could you use the summer holidays as a trial, ds may find he would rather not be with his dad full time.