Think ex wants to change contact arrangements.

[Snickersandbounty1]

Hi,

This is my first post, so please be kind!

I divorced from my ex wife 3 years ago and ever since have had 50/50 access . The arrangement is I have him Friday PM- Monday AM, as she works in retail and often has to work weekends, while I have a 9-5 office job. I have him most school holidays too.

About 2 years ago she moved 2 hours away to live with her new partner & my son now goes to school up there. I drive a 4 hour round trip on Mon & Fri to pick him up and drop him off, as well as attending all school events & parents evenings, & close friends birthday parties.

He goes to swimming & rugby lessons down here and has lots of friends he plays with as well as a large family. I do all his homework, hairdressers, dentist etc here.

Recently my ex got in contact with her estranged mother (who has been out of contact for 12 years) and has been asking for my son on weekend days to do 'family things'. I have no problem giving her some weekend time as I don't want my son to miss things with her.

However, since contact with her mum this is becoming a regular thing & means he misses his clubs & social life here as well as time with me. She has sent a few messages about how he misses things at her house & I think she is gearing up to try and change our arrangement.

I don't believe this would be good for our son, as he is very settled in our current arrangement. I'm not sure what my next step should be, but I fear she will just serve me with papers one day trying to change our arrangement. Can anybody help?

I don't think it's sustainable long term do be doing 50/50 like this as your child grows up. You live too far apart, and your child is going to make friends at school and want to do more and more with those friends at weekends.

Sorry. But I do think you're also projecting as to what your child is missing by spending more time at his mum's ... you're missing out, and that's terribly sad, but your child has rights, too. And being away from his friends and life every single weekend and holiday doesn't sound fair to your child, tbh.

What a nasty reply! So the dc was involved in the decision to move... probably not. A father has come on here wanting help and you just side with a women you know nothing about.

It's possible a court could order that weekends are shared, I would say. However, if it's to accommodate contact with grandparents rather than a parent that might be an issue. No one can really tell you what would happen. Decisions are made in the child's best interests and will take into account what the arrangements have been.

It wasn't meant to be nasty. I'm not siding with the woman; I'm siding with the child. Every single weekend and holiday away from home isn't sustainable when the other home is 2 hours away.

If he feels that strongly about it, then perhaps OP should go for primary custody instead. I don't know which parent would be the better primary custodian from what has been posted, but I do know that the current arrangements are unlikely to be positive long term for the child once the child is in school and developing a life of his/her own with friends, activities, etc.

I work in a primary school. The children (and there are quite a few) who live 50/50 with parents in a variety of configurations are easily identifiable by their behaviour ... most of them are exhausted and unhappy, and half the time they don't know if they're coming or going from which parent's house. And those are parents who live reasonably close to each other. Not 2 hours away from each other!

I think if she went to court, you’d struggle to keep the arrangement you have. Driving 2 hours before arriving at school on a Monday morning doesn’t sound particularly child focused to me. It’s quite likely that as your child grows up, they will want to be around their friends from school at weekends. I would consider moving house to be closer to where they are.

Your choices are to wait and see if she starts court proceedings to change arrangements or start court proceedings yourself. You can stick with the current arrangement until such time as you agree something different with your son's mother or there is a court order in place.

@awishforwingsthatwork

Why on earth are you suggesting that the place he was moved to only 2 years ago-away from family and friends to accommodate his mother, is more 'home' than his father's house, whome he has always had consinstancy with?

And you work in a primary school? Worrying attidude to have in an institute where prejudice can alter lives.