Can my teenage children refuse to spend time with their father?

[seastones]

My ex lives in Thailand, and only visits the UK twice a year. He then takes my two youngest DC to stay with a grandparent. (DD is 20 and no longer has contact with him at all.) They don’t have contact with him between times and they’ve now told me they don’t want to go in summer. DS2 is 13 and DS1 17.

I can’t see how I can force something they don’t want to do. Legally speaking, could he insist on their spending two weeks with him? Feeling slightly at my wits end here. Ex is v controlling and we split because of his violence so that adds an extra level of stress.

Is it court ordered contact or was it decided between you informally?

There is absolutely bugger all he can do OP. One thing these controlling men learn is they reap what they have sown when their kids hit the teenage years.

You can relax, let him do what he will legally. It'll keep him busy and cost him money.

Of course they can refuse. Let your ex pursue it legally if he wants, any judge will send him away with a flea in his ear.

In a similar situation but mine are much younger than yours. I have read a lot. I think a reasonable option would be to get your kids to go to the police and explain that they don't want to go. I'm not sure though. Probably clutching at straws.

There’s nothing in writing, the contact is only agreed between us. And after years of me not saying a word about him and biting my tongue it looks like what everyone said would happen has... they’ve worked him out for themselves.

If there is no legal agreement between you he would have to take you to court.

Court would get the children's views via cafcass.

There wishes and feelings at their she's would be listened to. He wouldn't get contact.

Your children don’t have to go to the police.

The only way he’d be able to push this would be going to court (and even at that it would only be for youngest ). And he just won’t have the time for that.

Long story short, there’s nothing he can do.

Let the boys ring/text him and say they don’t want to go to grandad’s for a week. End of story.

seastones

Well done you. I've still the years ahead of biting my tongue. So difficult sending them away to him when they don't want to go. What made them figure him out?

Ohio, I think they’re lucky to be surrounded by lots of positive male role models. I also think DD voting with her feet has made them realise that they have a right to their own opinion. (Believe me, they have a lot of opinions )

In the absence of a court order you can do whatever you want. The courts will not order contact for your 17 year old. He may get contact with your youngest if he takes it to court but even that is not certain. Your son's wishes and feelings will be taken into account.

It's just a shame these men see heir kids as possessions. It fucks them over eventually.

I think you may be free of him completely soon OP.

Let him try and take legal action to force contact. At best, given he has no regular contact with them, he'd get a few day visits during his UK stint. And with the DCs at an age where they can speak for themselves he probably wouldn't get that (at least for the 17yo)

It does feel like perhaps he might soon just fade out of their lives. It’s strange because so many people told me it would happen, and I never thought the day would come. Thanks all - such a relief to know that even if he did try and push it, Cafcass would be involved.

My SIL has a DD from a previous relationship before she married my brother. She wanted to reduce contact time with her Dad, and after she turned 12 the courts took her wishes into consideration.

They dont have to go but it would be better if they can put it in writing and you keep a copy. Then if he goes to court it is definitely from them, not you. And out of courtesy let him know in advance. He may not come back from Thailand if he knows.