Prisoner letters

[Fakeditdidntmakeit]

Ex partner in prison for a substantial length of time, they are not allowed to call me.

They are, however writing. At the moment they have permission but their letters are becoming increasingly upsetting and more often. I have disengaged and not responded. I suspect they will get worse as they realise they have lost everything. Nothing abusive but definitely emotionally manipulative.

If I need to, is there any way to stop them writing?

Have you tried ringing the prison to request they don't puat the letters to you?

Apparently there isn't much they can do about letters... which is wonderful. I guess they can't check every letter that goes out.

They do check every letter that goes out to make sure there's nothing dodgy going on. Nothing illegal, no arrangements to bring weed or coke into the prison.

Can you ‘return to sender’ the mail so he knows you aren’t reading them?

You can stop a prisoner writing directly to you by requesting it with the prison.
However they can send it to other people to post

I’d keep putting “return to sender”’on them and popping them back in the post box.

You don’t actually have to read them though.

It's very true I don't have to read them but this is easier said than done. It is still very raw and he has a family situation that it is useful to be updated on. All very complex. I find myself getting angry that I need to even be the one to do anything when he is the one in prison. I also have three children that would like to know news of their father. It is a complete nightmare to emotionally navigate right now and I just want the arsehole to piss off and write letters that are factual.

I have been told they read everything coming in but not going out. Or spot checks only.

I just wanted to see if the law was on my side in any way.

I take it he has no rights as a prisoner for news or updates on his children? I need to tread carefully. Ultimately I could write updates without reading his responses I suppose. It would have been nice to have kept it civil though as he will want contact when he is out.

I really do get that but you can only control what’s in your control.

So, you can keep reading his letters but you have to accept that can’t dictate what he rights.

Or you can return them/bin them without reading them.

Is there any other way for you to be kept up to date about his family situation? A relative?

Only you can decide how much info you want your dc to have, too. So would news from a third party be viable/enough?

Op it sounds like you could do with chatting to a group that help families while family members are in prison. Can't remember the name of it but hopefully someone can come along who does.

Hi - I work directly with prisoners!

The written contents of every letter aren't routinely checked neither in nor out unless there are suspicions. It is spot checked and varies by prison (different categories, different manpower etc).

What is the reason for him not being able to call you?

I withheld permission. I didn't want him phoning me every week and using me as his emotional crutch. He doesn't deserve it! I thought at least with letters I could put some distance between us.

Ah so not a protection issue then.

If you do not want to go via the prison formally (could potentially cause issues later on and will go on his security file) you could maybe write to him and say that you do not want to receive letters from him for now as you are coming to terms with his imprisonment and need time for you both to adjust, and that you will intermittently update him via email (emailaprisoner.com) at your convenience? Takes away the pen-pal aspect of it.

Unfortunately I sent a letter setting out the boundaries of writing and he completely and utterly ignored what I put and wrote in the same manner...I'm not really fussed if going via the prison causes him any issues. He is a dangerous individual. I will wait and see what the next letter says before making any decisions.