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Original poster

Ex wants DS removed from nursery so that he can have contact

17 replies

tipocura · 07/04/2019 15:21

Background: My ex was physically, emotionally and financially abusive and caused harm to our DS who is now 3. Contact has been supervised since him taking me to court nearly 2 years ago. It is likely based on Cafcass recommendations that contact will soon be for longer periods of time and unsupervised.

Contact is currently a few hours on a Sunday. Ex is not happy about this and made a big fuss about it in court, but was told by the judge that his son should come first. This is because DS goes to nursery on weekdays, I work weekdays and Ex lives 2 hours away so it would be impractical for him to pick DS up after nursery and return him home the same day. Ex is self employed (doing cash-in-hand jobs for his mates) and this "work" takes up his weekends.

He wants DS to lose time at nursery to see him instead. Is this fair when this has been DS' routine for so long? How will this work in future when DS is at school on weekdays? Surely it's better to establish a contact schedule that will be consistent? How will a judge view this?

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 07/04/2019 15:24

I think you need to base your argument on the fact this isn't sustainable as he will soon be at school. A court could agree that contact with the father is more important than a day at nursery.

TowelNumber42 · 07/04/2019 15:25

A judge will laugh him out of court. Do not change anything with nursery.

I wouldn't even respond to such a dumbass suggestion from him. He's just messing with you for sport by the sounds of it.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/04/2019 15:25

Consistency is key. No to week days

Original poster
tipocura · 07/04/2019 16:06

His solicitor has put it forward! It's inconvenient and risks his livelihood to lose his weekends...

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 07/04/2019 16:48

Solicitors put forward any old shit their clients tell them to because that is what they're being paid for.

Becles · 07/04/2019 16:54

If he's not paying taxes or has a pay slip, exactly what evidence does he have of working at the weekends? At the moment you have a job etc which requires stable childcare during the week. Your ex is allegedly going to get a weekend job sometime in the future.

I wouldn't stress about it and push back.

BorsetshireBlew · 07/04/2019 16:57

Actually I think it's reasonable for him to have contact at school pick up time once or twice a week. DS would still be in his routine but would finish earlier a couple of days a week. Unless you really want him to have DS on weekends this could set a good precedent for school times as you would then get to keep him at the weekends. He's also less likely to push for overnights if the contact is on school days.

Original poster
tipocura · 07/04/2019 19:21

@BorsetshireBlew The trouble with that is that he lives 2 hours away so wouldn't be practical for him to take him to his house and he's keen to take him to his house instead of a community setting.

@Becles He's stated in court he's self-employed, he pays a small amount in maintenance so it's just taken as fact.

OP posts:
AfterTrentham · 07/04/2019 19:39

@tipocura Does your ex want to collect your DS from nursery one evening per week and have him until start of nursery the next day? If unsupervised contact has been deemed appropriate, that sounds like a reasonable way for him to continue to build a relationship with his child. Unless his dad is currently a danger to him, a court may well feel that your son's best interests are served by developing his relationship with Dad, even if that does involve a tweak to his routine.

SavoyCabbage · 07/04/2019 19:45

So what does he actually want?

Is it that he wants his son every Wednesday (for example) and he would collect him from your house at a time before you would be leaving for work and then return him after you have come home?

Doyoumind · 07/04/2019 19:49

I think you need to consider how it's going to work long term. If you push for him to continue seeing him on Sundays, once your DS is at school and you have no flexibility you will never have a full weekend with him to allow you to visit friends or go away etc. If this is going through court again, I would want plans for once DS is at school to be included in any order so you don't have to return again.

Jackshouse · 07/04/2019 19:57

When is he due to start school? September 2019 or September 2020?

titchy · 07/04/2019 19:57

How is picking a 3 yo up from nursery at say 3.30, taking him for a 2 hour drive, giving him his tea, putting him to bed, then getting the poor kid up at 5.30 the next morning, driving him another two hours and dropping off at nursery reasonable for the child?

Original poster
tipocura · 07/04/2019 21:52

His solicitor says once he's at school he'll only work EOW and so he can have DS EOW Confused

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 07/04/2019 21:58

His solicitor says once he's at school he'll only work EOW and so he can have DS EOW

So he has admitted he has a choice to work EOW to see his child but chooses not to preferring to disrupt the child’s education instead? This will not go in his favour in court.

Original poster
tipocura · 07/04/2019 22:00

@titchy Exactly. It would be collect DS at 3:30pm, travel 2 hours, food and bed. I wake at 5:30am to get everything done before nursery and work and I live 15 minutes away so they'd have to be ridiculously early to get to nursery and eventually school on time. I just think that consistency is important and sacrifice is part of being a parent. I took a new job to work around the childcare that is suitable and available because DS is the priority. He chose to live 2 hours away instead of near DS, why should DS have to be the one to adapt?

OP posts:
Original poster
tipocura · 07/04/2019 22:02

@ILoveMaxiBondi It does contradict itself but court don't seem too bothered. It seems to me that he can either pick and choose his hours and we don't have a problem or he can't and contact isn't going to work long term anyway. I'm baffled.

OP posts:
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