Have stopped contact with DD father

[Toodles123]

I posted this in Relationships but have also posted here to get some more opinions.

For the last few years DD used to have contact every other weekend with her father. The last few months she has been self harming and has been suffering with anxiety and low mood. She has started seeing a counsellor at school who advised that contact should be stopped due to him emotionally abusing her. She hasn’t seen him for a few weeks now but has been texting him occasionally.

He has been aggressive towards me when I phoned him to say she won’t be seeing him and says it is my fault as I have been wrapping her in cotton wool and he has only been telling her off. He even says the counsellor has brainwashed DD. He does not accept he’s done anything wrong.

He has a history of domestic violence and I am worried he may take this further and she will be forced to see him. He reckons me having a chat to her will sort this out and that she is too young to make the decision as to whether she sees him or not. DD says she doesn’t want to see him anymore and he scares her and with the way she has been feeling I don’t think it’s in her best interests due to her mental health which the counsellor says has been caused mainly by him.

Does anyone have any experience of whether a 14 year old will be forced to have contact? Thanks.

i'd get her some proper help, and some proper advice for yourself

a school counsellor diagnosing all this?

If she is 14 it is unlikely the courts would force her to have any contact with her father against her will.

Separated parents is never an easy situation for a teen when there are tensions, whoever causes them! The councellor is not there to make judgements.

Ex might go to court to see her. However as a 14 year old her views will be listened to. You could also go to court to settle this!

If she's self harming you absolutely MUST see your GP and get a referral to CAMHS. They should be able to give you a diagnosis (you can't just rely on the school counsellor) and will be able to plan an effective course of treatment and/or therapy.

On the basis of the information you have you must not allow contact to resume before you've got to the root of the problem.

Thanks for the replies.

The counsellor she has been seeing at school is from CAMHS and that was when the safeguarding issue was raised. She won't be seeing her father but has been texting and has spoken once on the phone. She has said if she does have to see him she wants to meet somewhere neutral and does not want to stay overnight. He has said he will give her some time. At the moment I am doing all I can to help but she has been a lot happier since contact has been stopped.

Why hasn't the CAMHS counsellor recommended family therapy for you all? It may be that your dd needs a break & the relationship with her dad needs to reform in.some way. But I think its dangerous for this counsellor to decide based on just one perspective- your dd may need a lot of support with this but if she or the counsellor is misunderstanding or blaming her dad without giving him an opportunity to put things right - a responsible therapist would make sure a thorough assessment has been done to establish whether or not any mistreatment of your dd has taken place & go from there