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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

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Original poster

Divorce talks with stbexh

17 replies

Chattycatty · 05/04/2019 19:35

Just looking for a bit of advice am about to start talks on how to divide equity from 21 year marriage.
Probably about £60,000-£70,000 equity from house and £55,000 in savings. Exhtb earns 4x what I do he has progressed in his career where I have always worked more child/school friendly jobs
I have stayed in marital home and maintained and paid full mortgage and loan on house for the last 4.5 years. There are 8 years to go on mortgage
4 children 2 adults no longer at home 2 younger children at home with me full time. He pays maintenance no other contributions.
He makes me so anxious I’m terrified of upsetting him but I also want what I’m entitled to. I know it’s very dependant on circumstances but I’d like to have an idea on what to ask for. Thanks

OP posts:

missmouse101 · 05/04/2019 21:37

Bump for your thread. Hope someone can help soon.

Original poster

Chattycatty · 05/04/2019 22:11

Thanks missmouse I hope so because I’m really anxious about it

OP posts:

Lonecatwithkitten · 05/04/2019 22:30

You need to know what respective pensions are worth at this stage in your life this is really important.

Original poster

Chattycatty · 05/04/2019 22:36

I have no pension never been in a well enough paid job to have one. He has but I don’t know how to find out what it is

OP posts:

prh47bridge · 05/04/2019 23:05

See a solicitor. When they have all the facts they will be able to give proper advice. Anyone advising based on the information you have given will be guessing.

BubblesBuddy · 06/04/2019 08:45

Yes. You need to see a solicitor who will advocate for you. They will weigh up what you should be able to aim for and will ask him for a full financial disclosure so you won’t do it yourself. His pension will be taken into consideration. So will the needs of the younger children. Just take advice and let the solicitor work for your interests.

Xenia · 06/04/2019 15:15

Simplet thing is that you keep the house equity and he gets the savings and you get a pension sharing order over his pensino if it is worth enough to make that worthwhile. Unless the children are little you will probably not get spousal maintenance or you might for say 5 years?

However mortgage company may not let you take the mortgage over if you do not earn enough for that amount of mortgage so he may have to stay on it which is not going to be very fair on him as he cannot then buy another place. May be you have a relative, parent?, who could go on the mortgage with you.

Original poster

Chattycatty · 07/04/2019 00:26

If I could keep the house and he keeps the savings then I’d be happy with that. I’ve been paying the mortgage for 4&1/2 years now. Ill get a solicitor if I need to but due to costs I hope it doesn’t go down that route. I hate that he still has the ability to make me so anxious

OP posts:

2019user44 · 07/04/2019 00:31

Op you need to ask him for the CE value of any pension he has. Then go and see a solicitor for an hour consultation. The amount that could benefit you by in the future will far outweigh any cost and some initial appointments are free. Do not have any discussions with him until you have done this. Also look into mediation. Depending on your income etc you may qualify for legal aid for mediation and there is no requirement for there to have been domestic abuse to get legal aid for that.

IM0GEN · 07/04/2019 00:31

If he has a good job he will have a big pension. He will need to dislcose this as part of your divorce .

You have two kids to support. Stop worrying about his feelings and get a solicitor.

Hotterthanahotthing · 07/04/2019 00:48

You really do need a solicitor .You are looking for a 50/50 split so you really do need to know about all his savings and pension.The CE value of his pension will surprise you and will be much larger than the house equity and savings combined.
You need someone to help you get your share in a way that works for you and your children's future.

kbPOW · 07/04/2019 06:56

It's just not something you can or should do yourself. It sounds like the equity and savings would be less than you would be able to secure. You cannot rely on maintenance - there are too many loopholes and it's too easy to avoid paying any.

Xenia · 07/04/2019 07:07

As people say do take some legal advice. Before my divorce - about 6 months before I even decided - I paid for a one hour meeting for advice from a solicitor which was very useful.

However the starting point is usually half of the net assets - so the savings and equity (my husband got 60% as I earn a lot more but again we just negotiated that - a court didn't decide it as we wanted it done quickly and without court hearings). Some lower earners will get 100% of net assets even. Check for other savings and debts too. If it is just house equity of £60k and savings of 50K then you having house and him savings and children live with you sounds about right to me for a quick settlement - he may be advised not to move out unitil this is all signed and sealed (that was what my husband was advised but we just put up with each other until decree absolute and transfer of mortgage and house into my name for which you do need a solicitor to do that little bit of conveyancing).

The pension m ight be the big one but it is not treated as cash. Getting half each when you both turn 67 for example might be one way to deal with it. If it is not very big or he has none - lots of people these days in the private sector have no pension at all, then might not be an issue.

IM0GEN · 07/04/2019 07:30

How old are your children OP?

And how long have you been together - I’m guessing it’s longer that the 21 year marriage as you have two adult children who no longer live at home.

Are your adult children working and have their own homes ? Or are they students and if so, does your husband support them Financially ?

stucknoue · 07/04/2019 07:42

Are you me ...

We are talking without solicitors and so far he has suggested - I keep the house and he pays half mortgage until I could afford on my own, he will pay allowance to each child (over 18 at university) though one lives with me so she can hand over to me for housekeeping, he will give me a monthly allowance for me until I remarry, have a new partner move in or get a good job. Dd1 is autistic so might have her for life. I've not worked full time and been let go twice because of dd, even now she phones 2-3 every time I'm at work for reassurance.

He has a large pension which he suggested he would pay me once we reach retirement age - I'm thinking swopping it for the house equity. He says he wants the kids to have a home and doesn't want them at his - he's said he will continue to mow the lawn and do diy even (also have me cook food no doubt, cake and eat it spring to mind)

Original poster

Chattycatty · 07/04/2019 22:56

Younger children are 13&6 were together 25 years. Eldest is working 2nd youngest is in uni no financial support from him lives on student loans.

OP posts:

Newlook65 · 08/04/2019 15:56

Hi. Looking for advice re my upcoming application to court for a financial order. I’m self-representing. Has anyone dealt with Family Court at Bromley? It’s impossible to get through via phone or email and, although the Decree Nisi was obtained here, I’m hoping for recommendations at another family court. Is that even permitted? Also, how do you make the fee payment? I’m self-representing and having trouble finding answers to these questions. Thanks in advance for your suggestions!

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