What is the point of a child arrangement order

[namemcnamechange]

If it cannot be enforced unless you go back to court?

Ex likes to threaten me constantly that he won't bring the children back to me on the days/times stated in the order unless he gets what he wants and that I will need to take him back to court to get them back. Google states that police don't get involved and that actually he's right. I can't do anything about it other than going back to court (which I literally cannot afford to do)

I can't live my life like this anymore, it's honestly making my lose my mind as well as my will to live

He can refuse to bring them back, police will say it is a civil matter and you take it back to court with judge telling him off. Unless there is good reason for keeping them on odd occasion, and he is regularly breaching court order, (keep those texts if they show he's being controlling and using children to abuse you), judge won't be impressed.

My exH did this regularly with made up stories, car broke down, DGM in hospital (DCs emailed to ask her to ask how she was and she was very confused as she was sat at home watching TV! 😆), traffic at standstill yet roads showed as clear, a party they just had to go to...dinner that over run by 4 hours) . Now he rarely bothers to turn up at all so mine go sometimes months without seeing or hearing from him and then only for a few hours when he turns up 3-28 hours late! .

DC's now older often choose not to get in his car or tell him they are busy themselves when he suddenly demands change or to see them having let them down so often. He started with all the returning them hours late to make me panic on a Sunday night before school with no tea. Judge tore him off a strip for not acting in DCs welfare interests and called him disingenous (high criticism from a judge).

We have child contact order that XH never sticks too. It'll be a game for your ex if that's his nature. He sounds unpleasant.

He'll tire of the game when he gets someone else to torment. My ex lost his midweek contact rapidly at the start, due to not turning up and has just had "eow" ...or more realistically as we call it "ECM" (every couple months) day visit. He's got a new child and has just got a job working away all week like he did when with me, so he's starting the downhill slide with his new wife and toddler DD. (My DCs even said to me they feel sorry for his new wife that she has to care for DhalfSis on her own. I sooooo wanted to say ... I brought up you 3 from tiny on my own for 10 years... How will she cope??? 😆)

I used to have a life many years ago but it seems so distant now!! 😆

Sorry that's not legal type advice. I hope someone can give you more helpful advice than me

I'm afraid that the only way to enforce any court order is to go back to court. The police do not enforce court orders in civil cases. If you do take him back to court with evidence of his behaviour it will not go well for him.

But that's the point - if they aren't enforceable then they are pointless surely? he's been with someone else since before all of the court business started but he still won't let me live my life, every little thing is such a drama.

I have no money. So basically he could just not bring the kids home and there's nothing I can do about it because what can you do if you have no money? (Not to mention that it's just simply not acceptable to just not see my children until a court date for absolutely no reason at all)

are you eligible for legal aid?

What you need is a solumn undertaking with the court, which means that is he dicks about the court can fine him immediately - some people only play ball if there pocket is hurt.

in very rare circumstances such as evidence of violence, the DC's come home battered and bruised the court can short circuit the police and send them straight to prison, but that us only in exceptional circumstances (I'm stressing that one).

you are in a dicey place and I understand that, if I don't send my DC's to contact I'm in break if the order and I get a telling off from the court, if my ex doesn't return the DC's they get a telling off from the court, until such a point the court says no contact.

And yes it is bloody expensive, I can now nearly make ends meet because of the costs of dealing with my ex. £17k for nearly next to no protections. The court relies on people being reasonable and understanding the rule of law, which ex's often don't.

But they are enforceable. The court can word the order such that it is mandatory that he returns them on time, and can attach a penal notice to it such that, if properly worded and served, you can apply for his committal to prison for contempt of court when he next breaches it.

Perhaps you need to take some proper legal advice.

You wouldn’t necessarily need to wait long for a court date - you could get an urgent hearing.

Perhaps @prh47bridge or @Collaborate may also be able to say whether you could claim costs back from him in this situation?

I feel he doesn’t return them thorn off you go back to court and apply for an urgent hearing
If the order states fixed return tines thrn he is in breach and unless he has substsantiated ( is safeguarding and he doesn’t sound as if this is the case) reasons for not returning them then he is in breach and the judge will order return to you.
If he does this repeatedly without basis it will not bode well for him

Collect any evidence and keep your powder dry but I suspect he’s all talk.