Family Court - Child Contact

[Cat846]

Hi, I won’t go into the whole long and messy story but my ex is taking me to court for contact with my 8 month old LO. He hasn’t seen little one in 2 months as he is refusing to come to my house to see her. For the 8 months of her life he hasn’t done any caregiving (he says I won’t let him but this is incorrect) little one is also ebf and feeds frequently and on demand so has no set routine. Ex wants contact at a contact centre and then I presume little one alone. What will the court order? Little one is always with me and can’t even be with my dad for 20mins alone without having a complete melt down and needing me.. any advice greatly appreciated

Hi I'm sorry you are having to deal with all of this. It sounds very stressful.

Firstly, are you aware that normally you and your ex would be expected to attend a Mediation session (individual MIAMs (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting) and then, if deemed appropriate, together) and it would only progress to court if mediation were unsuccessful or deemed inappropriate?

There are instances where mediation is not appropriate (for instance, if there has been abuse) but usually a judge would expect mediation to have taken place, or for a mediator to have signed a form confirming mediation was not possible.

I think have a look at La Leche League for advice and potential information about breastfeeding and contact cases. Unfortunately you will see that not all judges and Cafcass are up to speed on this stuff so arm yourself with knowledge www.laleche.org.uk/breastfeeding-contact-cases/

I am sorry to mention it here and don't feel any need to respond on this point but if you have been a victim of abuse where your ex is concerned, or think you might have been, then there is a chance that, depending on your financial situation and whether you would have any "evidence" (from eg a GP or support worker) you would be eligible for Legal Aid.

In general, I really recommend Rights of Women too: volunteer solicitors who offer telephone support for free for those in need. It's very hard to get through on the phone but worth persevering. Women's Aid could also offer you support, I'd have thought.

Very best of luck and I am sorry that these early months are being marred by the stress of this.

PS just to say I'm pretty sure from my own experience that what I've written here is accurate, but I am not a lawyer x

Why should he have to come to your house to see his daughter?

There are no hard and fast rules but, unless there are good reasons, if he wants contact at a contact centre he is likely to get it. That is likely to progress to regular short times with your child on his own. As she gets older the amount of contact is likely to go up.

He hasn’t taken care of her a day in her life so I feel a contact centre at present is inappropriate until her learns to take care of her. I also feel it would be very distressing for my daughter being away from me for 2 hours when she’s never been away from me for more than 30mins and that’s with me in the same house. Obviously I understand time away could be worked towards but I feel it’s horrible to expect her to be separated from her mother for 2 hours and given to a complete stranger. She will also need to feed in this time too and my ex doesn’t know her feeding cues

She's 8 months, not 8 weeks, and he's never been given a chance to show that he can care for her, because you aren't letting him. At eight months, many children are in the care of other caregivers for a period of time. You need to accept that unless you can prove abuse, then he will be given contact at a contact centre and you will be instructed to build that up until he has unsupervised contact.

He sounds like a dad who wants to be involved with his child, and is willing to go to court to force you to comply. It would be in your best interests to try and develop an amicable and healthy co-parenting relationship with him, because he is going to have to be involved in your life for at least the next 18 years.

You were allowed to take your child home after giving birth and care for her without having any experience of caring for her before. why should it be any different for him? this is not an argument that any judge will feel persuasive. What he is asking for (in terms of progression) is perfectly appropriate, and likely to get court approval.

Many judges will consider his proposal of a contact centre (supported or supervised) a sensible one.

The difference between supported and supervised is the level of observation and whether it is done in a group or one on one setting.

You raise the fact that baby is EBF - the judge will balance this need with the need for baby to spend time with and develop a relationship with their Father - most of the time in my experience the latter prevails.

If you're concerned that he doesn't know baby's feeding cues etc then perhaps you could tell him - this would give you some peace of mind and would also help ensure he can meet baby's needs?

As others have said unless there is proven abuse then he will be granted contact at a contact centre building up to him having her unsupervised.
Breastfeeding will be taken into account but by 8 months I'm assuming she is on solids as well so he will manage.
As hard as it is they have a right to a relationship with each other that doesn't involve you/being at your house.

Hi, I'll share my story. Maybe here is some friendly soul who went through the same and give me some advise...
I'm divorced and have 2 children 8 and 10 years old.
I'm in relationship since 3 years and decided to move to Northern Ireland, living in Republic of Ireland...
My ex husband didn't give me a permission so i had to apply for court permission to be able to relocate with my kids.
I'm very well prepared with my case- I.have work granted and letter will be provided to the Judge to show that. I am sorted with primary school foe my both children and have a confirmation to the court to provide this too. We have a new house and all the activities which kids are intending to are simply in the same time where we will move. Wonder anyone had similar difficulties woth their ex and how Courts seeing those cases in Ireland... Please support, Thank you