Ex refusing school move

[Lindseyjane1]

Our DS is 5yrs old I’m recently divorced with child arrangement order for ex to have DS every tues & fri and every other Saturday evening. Ive had to be in rented until finance sorted so DS goes to local school. I have now bought a house in village 5 miles away that has local school which i want to send my DS to. Both schools are same outstanding rating by ofsted. I asked my ex if we could view new school as may be better for DS going to the local school he’ll be growing up in but ex has refused and is saying he stays at the old school or he’ll take out a prohibitive steps order. He’s quite controlling and no matter how I try won’t even look at the new school to where we are moving, his reasons are that he doesn’t want DS disrupting. Help please I’m at a total loss.

Is he in reception or year 1? If he’s refusing you can also go to court for a specific issues order

Hmm. I see both sides (history of controlling behaviour aside) I would be anxious to move my 5yo DS. But it would be better for him to be in one nearer his home. But does your ex live nearer the current school? As that will be his home too...

He’s in reception class and no my ex house is approx. 5 miles away from his current school. Out of the 10 school runs he does 3 as per the child arrangement order x

So if you move schools he would be 10 miles away?
I understand your view but also if your dc is settled and you enjoy the school he's at I wouldn't risk changing it yet, you never know how the new school really is.
My two ds's were happy at their school, had great reviews and then they changed heads and even though the ofstd report was still good, the environment was awful.
I would keep a copy of your requests to your ex that you want to move, then wait to see if dc is happy, but if there's issues getting him to school on time etc then apply your self with proof that it's better for your dc to move

I was thinking that as I have him the majority of time in the week that it would also benefit him better to go to his local village school so he has friends he can play with after school etc. In fairness the school he’s at now is temporary as I had to get him in somewhere short notice whilst the divorce was going through. Why would we want him at a school that’s not nearby to either of us? Xx

I would go and view school yourself , check if there are spaces.

He is 5 a very easy age to move. Get legal advice.

Get legal advice. Don't be bullied by him!

Yes to be fair, as much as I would hate to move a child who was happy (as I was moved as a kid and remember vividly being so upset), it would be good for him to be part of friendship groups in the village (I also wasn't sent to the village school and missed out on this, meaning I was thoroughly bored growing up!)

If the school was temporary than you have that for court and can explain why he needs to be re school.
To be honest, from what you have wrote you don't seem to be expressing any bitterness or game play, so I think a judge would see your just being practical.
Go view the school and see what they say.
I know things have changed, but when I schooled my dc and moved them they never mentioned the dad at all. And had been married , but he didn't and wasn't part of any of it.
I like to think it was because he trusted me to make the right decisions for our dc but then again he never attended a sport day etc so many he just wasn't interested.

Write an new email to him, expressing the reason, wait for a response only through email and then use that in future. Explain the cost of extra travel, if the car breaks down you may need a school friend to drop dc at school or if your running late. Building friendships close by and also that you both have years to parent together that this should be the first step going forward and working together to comprise and put dc first.

He is 5 a very easy age to move. Get legal advice.

^This.
All the children in the new village will be at the local school. It makes more sense for your DS to go there. He's only 5, not sitting his GCSEs - it's hardly disruptive.

I would ask a family solicitor about whether Ex can control where DC goes to school given the sensible reasons you state. You are not moving 50 miles away. The needs of your child outweigh his travel issues. I would get legal advice and I think you have a good case to change schools. It’s not disruptive to a 5 year old. It’s the best time to change.

I can see both sides but ultimately I don’t think it’s worth fighting it.

ur moving ur son further from his father ; can’t be good.

both schools are outstanding ; so no better education argument

Son is settled there / has friends there.

Ex doesn’t want it.

The only benefit you’ve mentioned is him making friends with kid son ur village but you can do that without attending the same school e.g at the park, mum groups, clubs etc

You choose to move !
I doubt you’d win if ur ex stopped you moving ur DC.

It's five miles not 500! Of course you can move and if he wants to go to court over it, you have perfectly valid reasons why. I moved 15 miles away from my ex and ds moved school. Ex showed a brief interest in choosing a new school and then it was quickly forgotten about. Five years later he's never attended a parents evening, or seen a school report, or had any involvement. Despite trying to engage him him with secondary school applications, he had no interest in that either. There came a point when he realised he couldn't control me and he stopped trying.

View the school yourself. Get legal advice on this right now and also talk to your solicitor about the controlling behaviour, if you haven't already. Controlling and coercive behaviour is illegal and if he's just doing this to maintain control, rather than having any sensible reasoning behind it then he shouldn't be able to prevent you moving your DS to a school in a more suitable location. But you need the law on your side - you won't be able to manage this on your own.

Son is settled there / has friends there.

At 5? Oh come on - moving a DC after reception is hardly traumatising. He's only been at the school for six months and will quickly settle elsewhere.

And she didn't 'choose to move', she's been in rented while the divorce is being sorted out and has now been able to buy. You can only buy what's on the market at the price you can afford.

First of all, your DS has been through a very traumatic time with the divorce and home moves. He needs as much familiarity as possible. Keeping him in the same school is really important. It's not about you or his father having 'control', it's what's best for him.
I'm afraid your DH is right on this one. He may have an ulterior motive in that he's trying to control you, but that isn't really the point in this case.

Sadly 'soontobe60' it is about control. Only 4 months ago my ex was talking about moving him to private education this September if I was prepared to pay half (which unfortunately I can't afford). So his argument for disruption doesn't really stand it's purely because he has no control over where I move. Although that said I agree it will be slightly disruptive for DS but the benefits of moving him to a new school which he will settled at throughout infants and juniors now is much more advantageous than waiting to move later once he truly has formed mutuel friendships. His current school is not in the catchment area of my ex so after infants he would have to move anyway as I'm no longer in that catchment. I guess I just wanted to further explain myself as there is genuinely no intent from me other than to do what's right by my DS.

I’ve had to move in with my parents cos my ex said he was going to sell the house. I’m driving 15 miles every time to take the kids to school. I’ve applied to change the kids schools in September and he’s now decided not to sell and he’s objecting to me moving the children. Can he do that???

Go to court and sort it out. The courts sort out residency and take circumstances into account plus what’s best for the children. Why do you not have any interest or say in the house sale?