Specific issues order

[Whoknows11]

My ex is applying for a SIO to take our children away abroad for 10 days. I've agreed to a week and he's taken advantage and booked 10 days saying it's a 7 day holiday with a day either side travelling.

My question is will a court entertain this petty disagreement? Our youngest who is 3 has separation anxiety from myself and I know will struggle with this time away from his mother. His father has never lived with him, left before he was born and the max amount of time with him in the past had been 3 nights.

I know he needs quality time on holiday that's why I agreed to a 7 day holiday. However my ex is always taking advantage and pushing the boundaries.

Anyone with any advice welcomed?

I suppose my first thought is about reasonableness. If they're going to Butlins half an hour down the road it seems unreasonable. In the summer we had our DSD for 10 days for a 7 day holiday. She arrived, we faffed with packing and she realises she needed some new things so the next day we can about getting the stuff needed. Day after went on holiday. Travelled back at a ridiculous hour left kids late in bed the next day. Sorted holiday stuff took DSD back to here mother's.

Where are they going?

Abroad but flying from Scotland, we live in the south of England. The holiday is from sat to sat but they have to travel to Scotland airport adding another 2 days on!

Why are they flying from Scotland? Seems odd!

Meeting up with family!

So not completely unreasonable just not a choice most people wouldn't have made. Often in residency orders it states that either parent can take a child out if the country for no more than 28 days so is an extra 3 days unreasonable?

It is when a 3 year old who suffers from separation anxiety is taken abroad for 10 days. Surely this is too long?

Unless there is a flight risk it's unlikely a court would refuse a request for a holiday.

Flight risk?

What's the point in having a CAO then if he's going against what it states (summer holidays split weekly rotation) and a court would agree to his 10 day holiday?

Just let the DC go on holiday with their dad. It's a 3 day difference. It's a holiday. They are with their other parent. You are being difficult.

It may be that at some time in the future you'll want your ex to be a bit flexible, so I would just point out, gently, that it's three days extra. Then just focus on helping your 3 year old by encouraging him to look forward to the holiday.

He isn't breaking the CAO, he is requesting a specific issue order.
If he hasn't broken the order in the past it is more than likely a court would agree to the extra days in the circumstances you have outlined, unless you have medical evidence how it would impact your child.

Pick your battles, or you'll just make things harder on yourself for the next 15 years. If I had an ex that was making me go to court over an extra three days holiday, I'd be as difficult as possible next time they wanted a favour.

I'd allow this OP. As he is no danger and he's already been granted 7 days I can't see his request being rejected.

However you taking it that far could end any decent co parenting relationship.

I can see where you are coming from OP. I have an ex who consistently pushes the boundaries. If he's like mine if you give in once it's not an end to it and next time he will push further. I understand how annoying it is for you. What is also annoying is that if it goes to court they may well think you are being petty. If the CAO states 7 days then you should base your case around your ex not respecting the arrangements already ordered and not putting your child's interests first. Can't guarantee it will work though.

Our co parent relationship has never really existed as my ex is very manipulative, calculating, constant game playing to score points. Agreeing to their first abroad holiday of 7 days and then him changing it to 10 is an example of what he's about. He takes advantage at every opportunity, does not respect myself as a mother and our children's main carer. He goes behind my back at every opportunity.

I agree in picking my battles and I do but I truly worry of the impact 10 days away from me will have on my 3 years old 2 wks before he starts school. The travel arrangements clearly don't have the children in mind.

I also think it'll be granted if it goes to court but WHY is he taking it to court. Why not respect my wishes as their mother and stick to a 7 day holiday flying local and not from Scotland. He's given me no details of arrangements, just expects me to agree with it.

This will be the 3rd time he's taken me to court in 4 years and has not got what he wants in the past 2 occasions.

If you think it will go in his favour and are concerned about the length of time, I'm sure you could get it written into the order that there has to be a certain number of calls or FaceTime opportunities for the take of your DC. He may not stick to them, but if you ever end up in court again it will be further evidence.

*sake

I think this is reasonable tbh. It's not a constant issue. It's a one off for a holiday, to see Scottish family as well which presumably he doesn't get the chance to much. The benefit of time with the other parent, holiday and other family will be taken into consideration and I imagine any court in the land would think the benefits mitigate against any attachment concerns (which courts don't seem to understand or give much weight in our legal system).

My parents were divorced and sometimes we went on holiday for 10days to 2.5weeks. The benefits of going on, say, safari, outweighed missing the other parent. I don't think my parents were wrong, or the courts and would have been to agree it.

@whoknows11 You ask why your ex doesn't respect your wishes as a mother. Why aren't you requesting his wishes as a father? You are both your child's parents, and he should get as much say as you do. It comes across as if you are being hugely unreasonable and petty. Just agree to the holiday and save your child from the stress that having parents fighting in court will bring.

I think you are being a bit precious about it. If your 3 year old is starting school 2 weeks late then I assume they will in fact be very nearly. The child is still with a parent - their Dad so I assume there will less of an issue over separation and indeed still with their sibling(s). If there really is this will be good for them to lead into starting school 2 weeks later!

They are not going to Scotland to see family, just flying from Scotland to Europe and we live in the south. Just makes no sense to me putting our children through more travelling and more time away from their main carer when there is separation issues.

The way you talk about the child, are you one of the causes of the anxiety with how you talk around them and about the time they will spend away from you?

I'm confused I thought you said they were flying from Scotland to meet up with family

What are these separation issues? Are they formally diagnosed?