Adding my surname on to my childs

[JoJo2106]

Hi,

Just wondering if anyone would know if my ex partner doesn't agree to a name change (highly doubt he will) would the court be likely to agree to adding my surname onto my son's name?

I was in an abusive relationship with my ex and when I was pregnant I was basically pushed into using his surname. I wish I'd been stronger to put my foot down and say no but unfortunately I wasn't and I used his surname and his alone. We were only together around 2 weeks after ds was born when I chose to end the horrible relationship. We have recently been through the family court and now have a child arrangement order, ds lives with me and spends time with his dad. I wish I had brought it up then tbh but I just never thought at the time as i was so stressed with the rest of it.

I am going to ask a solicitor to write a letter to ex asking about the name change. We are only allowed to communicate via a contact book and i don't want to ask him in that as it could turn nasty with back and forward replies so I thought a solicitor would be the best bet. I am just wondering what my chances are of a court agreeing to this before I contact solicitor as they charge you just for picking up the phone.

I am.not asking to remove my exes surname as I know that would probably never happen. But I would like to add mine on so ds has a link to both parents. Also is it likely my surname would go more as a middle name? My surname actually sounds better coming after my exes surname but I suppose that won't count lol.

Ds is 18 months old now and I am.aboutto register him in nursery etc so I would like to get this sorted before he starts so he grows up knowing he has both our surnames rarher than Changing it when he's older.

Has anyone done similar and been granted permission from the court?

All you need to know is here in this link. Scroll down to number 11

www.deedpoll.org.uk/CanIChangeMyChildsName.html#Section11

"Applying for a court order to change your child's name without the consent of the other parent"

This seems very positive though...it looks like your wish might come true!

Please note, your chances of successfully obtaining a court order (for children of all ages) is greatly increased if you do not seek to remove the absent parent's surname from your child's surname (i.e. by double-barrelling your child's surname). For young children, a two-stage strategy should be considered i.e. initially apply to change to a double-barrelled surname and if successful, you can apply again when your child is 11 years of age to have the absent parent's name removed altogether.

Have successfully done this albeit in different circumstances to you. It wasn’t straight forward or easy. Courts don’t readily make these orders without good reason. Your child already has a strong link to you by virtue of the fact you live together and he spends the majority of the time with you.

I’d let the dust settle. Names make little difference in practice. Lots of parents have different surnames these days. By all means take legal advice but IME you are not likely to be successful (and do you really want to be going through the courts again?)

On a side note - the sound of the order of names was actually given consideration.

@MissMalice, is it really that hard? I didn't think it would be that bad? I am not looking to remove my exes surname just add mine on. Tbh with you if I had ended the relationship a few days earlier it wouldn't have happened. We were only together 2 weeks after I have birth. Just wish I'd been stronger and not allowed myself to be forced into it. It wasn't what I wanted and he knew it. I have gave ds my late father's name as a middle name. He died when I was 17 and I really wanted my family name to be carried on for this reason. But still insisted it was his surname ds has.

Would the courts not agree to adding my name then do you think? Am really disheartened to hear that I just want that link as he goes through school etc ie us having same surname. My ex was abusive and I hate the fact ds has only his surname and not mine.

There has to be a positive reason to benefit the child for the court to make an order. Just the fact that you want it isn't enough.

@Collaborate what could ever be classed as a good reason for changing a name?

The reason you give in your OP is not, IME, sufficient.

@Collaborate could you give me some examples of what has been classed as a good reason in successfully changing a name? Just curious as to what a court would think is a good reason. I thought just wanting to add my name on would go down better than me wanting to change it completely to my surname?

I might give it a miss then if it's not going to be successful

It can be successful to demonstrate to link to a non resident parent whose involvement is being obstructed by a resident parent (where the child has the resident parents surname) - it provides a link to heritage that isn’t otherwise there and reinforces for the child the relationship between NRP and child.

@MissMalice ah yes I can see that side of it. But does it not work the other way round also for a child to have both parents names as part of their heritage? It sounds like they only consider it if the child's surname is in the RP's surname and the NRP wishes to have their name added. But why can't it work the other way round?

The part that makes the difference is the child’s lack of link. If the child lives with you and spends significant amounts of time with you and is able to learn freely about their heritage, they don’t need the name to reinforce it. Sometimes the surname is needed to reinforce the message that the less available parent is a significant part of the child’s life.

@MissMalice I am with you, I understand. I just don't know what to do now. It doesn't sound very positive really. I'm a bit disappointed, I really thought me just adding my name on wouldn't be a big problem.

It probably isn't a big problem, but then again not putting your name on isn't a big problem too. If the father agrees, then it's fine. If he doesn't agree there's no compelling reason for there to be a change.

OP I filed my court forms yesterday asking for exactly this. I don’t wish to get rid of ex’s name but I do want to double barrel it with my name.

Ex has no contact with DD and isn’t seeking any contact with her.

My reasons are that she has a surname with someone she doesn’t see and it would be beneficial for her to have a surname which is shared with family, it’s a common link. It also makes travelling abroad a lot easier if you have names in common.

I’ve no idea if the judge will say yes or no, but I doubt very much ex will turn up to court so hopefully that will go in my favour.

Having a different surname has no impact on travelling abroad with a child at all.

I have 4 DCs with different surnames to myself and I can assure you it does. I’ve been stopped twice and asked to prove I was their mother, have permission to remove them from the country. I have a letter from the eldest DCs father. Not from DDs though so it does cause a problem.

We've had good success in getting orders to change names in similar circumstances to yours, and in circumstances where the father wasn't particularly involved in the child's life - but have had no success when the parents have been married at the time of the birth...marriage seems to be a divider in the sense that the parties have a common intention at the time of the marriage and subsequent birth of the children. But the only way you will find out for sure if your reasons for wanting a change meet the criteria (in the best interests of the child - not focused on your needs or wants), is if you make an application to the court. Best to start by asking the father for his consent in the first instance prior to making an application to the court.

@Whippit the law is the same regardless of matching surnames or not so you always need to carry the correct documentation.

I have 6 children, my 1st 3 from my partner of 20 years. They all have double barrell surnames. Then my last 3 him and his mam told me I weren't allowed to add my surname. He said if I pulled that shit and tried in the registry office he'd kick off. I can't believe I backed down. I can't explain the control he had in my head. Never really bothered. Cheated and put everything and everyone before him. By the time I was giving birth to our twins. He was living with someone else. They split cause she accused him of carrying on with me.. the irony Haha. Then Because I wouldn't sleep with him. He buggered off to benidorm with her. Didn't go on the birth certificates. They were early and it was traumatic. 5 of my children have my surname in their names bar 1. I have messages where hes told me pay for the forms print them off. Sign them, solicitors sign them. Then he will. Done all that just for him to say. RIP them up cause hes not signing.. its sad. I was in hospital nearly 8 weeks with the twins. My eldest children's father had our son. He didn't even bother with him. But played happy families with her and her kids. They're not even together anymore. It's the last hold he has over me. And it breaks me. That I have one child that doesn't have my surname like the others. How do I explain why he's the only one without my surname why is he different. Its cruel. And for a man who don't bother with him and let another man bring him up and look after him. Will I struggle to have my surname added like all my children. I've also been in a refuge with my 3 youngest because of him

You should have started your own, new thread rather than resurrecting an old one.

You actually have compelling reasons to get your middle child's name changed to add yours (or perhaps even to solely replace it with yours since his younger siblings have your name). He will feel the odd one out - and if he's old enough to voice that now, then the courts will take that into consideration.

If your child wants the same name as everyone else in the family, then you really ought to apply for the change/amendment.

Ah wow thank you. He's only just turned 2. Its breaking me. But want it done before he starts school and starts asking why he's different to his brothers and sister's. It's as much for him as it is me