Contact denied. Legal and financial questions. Any advice greatly appreciated.

[KendraKarr]

Our son has separated from his wife. He moved out of the family home two weeks ago but his wife won't allow him any access to his daughter. (Aged 3)

What happens next? I am assuming he needs legal help. He doesn't have a permanent job but is working on contract sometimes ( when agencies can supply him with work).

We are all very sad to lose this little girl from our family and hoped that his wife would put her needs first. Bless her, of course she wants to see her daddy. We know and accept as grandparents that we have no legal rights but our son has.
My questions are:

• Does legal aid still exist?
• Are the legal bills just his or do they become a debt as part of the marriage?
• What happens if he can't afford to pay for legal help? Does he just have to accept no contact?
• The family home is in joint names, is there anyway he can borrow on the house to pay legal costs. In the past I understood a 'charge' can sometimes be put on the family home ( it won't be sold until his little girl leaves full time education) but not sure if this still exists or if it can work in a case like this.

Thank you for any advice. He is terrified that his wife can just decide to withhold contact, that she won't engage with mediation and that he will not see his daughter again unless he can find large sums of money to ask for access.

LA is not available for family matters unless DV is involved. He can apply to court for a CAO (child arrangements order) to set out contact and residency. He needs to consider a financial settlement re the property and any capital and pension he may have. As a rough guide, the children need to be appropriately housed and that may mean 60/40, 70/30 50/50 in favour of the parent with the greater contact. He should take legal advice so he knows his options and try for mediation which may be the cheaper option, once he knows his legal position.

I will add it is possible to get a litigation loan with the house or proportion of house as settlement, there has been some debate about these on this forum. Search for it and you will find a range of views re this as an option.

Legal Aid can be awarded for family courts and mediation in Scotland.

Your son needs to get some legal advice. He could also look at Families Need Fathers. They are as organisation who support separated parents with contact issues and despite the name they also work with mothers and grandparents. There is lots of advice on there about the legal aspects of contact.

Many people now self represent in court for such matters. Costs £200 ish.

Send him to the citizen advice bureau, they can offer lots of advise. You can take court action yourself and if you go to courts they have volunteer solicitors who can offer advise on the day. He needs mediation first, you do have to pay for the initial appointment, so will she. Then apply for a c100 form.

Go on the government website to get all downloadable documents, some areas it can be done on line.

Thanks, lots of information but not sure of next step.

He would accept not taking capital from the family home. There won't be a great deal, about £20,000 max. He wants his daughter to have continuity in her own home.

He doesn't have ready cash to pay for legal help. There is also accountability to think about. At the moment his wife is making all of the decisions and demands. She wanted him out, has changed all bank accounts etc. if there was some impact on both of them financially perhaps she will consider being more reasonable and allowing contact. The loan using the house might make her think about compromising.

Is the litigation loan long term ( i.e. Would be settled when the house is sold in years to come - child leaving ft Ed) or would the house need to be sold in the divorce to pay that off in the near future?

Forget litigation loans for the minute. The priority surely is to reestablish contact with his dd. Apply to court and self represent if she isn't being cooperative.

In a few months once things are less fraught and contact has been established then he can think about divorce. An hour with a solicitor should give him an idea about the process and what to expect. With only £20k equity it might be that he considers giving her the house as full and final settlement, or she might be amenable to buying him out.

Thanks, yes just reading about them! I think he has enough to deal with!

I suspect even establishing contact to see his daughter will be difficult. She refuses to let him see her alone, refuses if we say we will be there...just refuses to engage.

I think we had hoped that if any money spent was of detriment to both him and her, she just might think again. Neither of them have loads of spare money.

I don't think she will engage with mediation either, she won't want to share her daughter.

Sorting contact should be the priority.

He needs to suggest mediation first and immediately. Local mediation services can be found online. I think legal aid can be applicable still for mediation in some cases but not 100% sure. He will attend an information meeting and his ex will be invited to one. It may be possible to reach an agreement. The court will certainly award some level of contact so she would be unwise to continue to deny contact.

If she won't agree to mediation, he can get the C100 form (downloadable) signed by the mediator and pay £215 for it to go to court. It's quite easy to complete and there's information online to help. The first directions hearing would be scheduled for 4-6 weeks time and his ex would receive a letter from the court advising her of the date.

I am not a lawyer, just someone who has done it.

Legal aid for mediation is still available I've had it myself last year due to low earnings. He had to pay for his as the high earner. Ours was not about the children though financials and it failed.
Just in another note I know it's hard but give the mother time she will probably come around a bit. Not sure of the situation but speaking from experience I hated the thought of sharing my children having split time but gradually got my head around it and saw the children needed their daddy. Also gave me a break so do give it time

Thanks ivegotthis , I too divorced and can empathize with his wife. Our son will rebuild contact even if he has to start with an hour, close to home.

We are all fully supportive and want to help them both.

I had to hand my boys to ExH and OW - can you imagine, she took everything from me... Hated it but I did it to help them maintain their relationship with their dad ( even when he insisted on taking the DC's and OW on a hotel break to celebrate Mothers Day!)

It feels hard at the minute. Our son is scraping together money to rent a room elsewhere, trying to pick up any work he can and will need to use his earnings to get access to his own child. Just seems a waste of hard earned money ( worth it of course to see his child) but unnecessary spending if there could be a compromise. When I talked of a charge back on the house I hoped that would make his wife think about the unnecessary costs, that she is accountable too.
Is the money spent to seek legal support part of the debts of the marriage in the financial settlement?

Kendra

Suggest your son tries the forum on "Seperated Dads" (google it).

There are a lot people on there who have had experience of being in the same boat as your son. He'll get specific advice there as to EXACTLY what to do. IE: what forms to fill in, where to download them from, what to say, where to send the forms etc.

No need to get a lawyer, most cases before the family court have at least one person who is represening themselves. It's not easy but it's not that hard either - just have to stay calm.

Most important thing is to get the ball rolling. The longer he is away from his kids the harder it will be to get any meaningful time with them as "routine will have been established."...He needs to act. NOW.

He's already made one big mistake in leaving the family home without getting contact sorted - he can't afford to make any more mistakes.

Good luck - I hope this all gets sorted without the need for a court battle.

He does have a legal right to live in the house so one answe rmight be to move back in. My ex was advised by his solicitor (who I paid for - I paid for mine and his as I earn more) not to move out until the whole thing was done which took 7 months. That wuold also mean he was around the child every day too particularly as he does not work much. If he doesn't work much ad ths mother works full time there is no reason he should not get the house and child really as the law is sexually neutral.

I would move back in tomorrow if I were he.

Thanks everyone. He has booked an initial 'free' session with a solicitor and will start with that.
I don't think there will be any compromise from his wife.