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Legal matters

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Original poster

Parental responsibility

18 replies

beansontoastfortea · 04/03/2019 20:06

Can I appoint my current DP a legal guardian of my dc so in the event of my death my child could stay with DP even though my dexh / father of dc is still alive?

I would like my dc to have a choice about where she lives if I died

OP posts:

NGC2017 · 04/03/2019 20:25

I was told that unless there is a court order in place, then no. It totally broke my heart as my sons dad hasnt been around now for nearly 4 years. He is nearly 5. I was told all I could do was specify guardians etc but it will not take away his PR, and as he has PR he will get full PR of my child should anything happen to me.
Of course I hope nothing happens to me but I also hope common sense prevails. How a man who hasnt been in my DS life can just have him if anything happened to me is beyond belief

Original poster

beansontoastfortea · 04/03/2019 20:45

@NGC2017 that's just crazy isn't it!!

My exh is in dds life but he lives about two hours away and Dd is settled here with her brothers who are DP's

She has been asking what will happen to her if I die and I've said she would most likely go to live with her dad and she was upset at this thought as she loves her life here

OP posts:

Original poster

beansontoastfortea · 04/03/2019 20:52

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-may-aug-2017/can-i-get-parental-responsibility-as-a-step-father/

This seems to imply that a step parent can have parental responsibility too... possibly without consent of other parent through a court order @NGC2017

OP posts:

NGC2017 · 04/03/2019 20:59

@beansontoastfortea it's heartbreaking for kids. It really is.

When I was told I broke down and it caused my anxiety to spiral. I became so obsessed with all our health's and I would just look at me DS and cry feeling like I have failed at maintaining his life should anything happen.

I made my will and put in execs and guardians. I also specified clauses that his dad has absolutely no entitlement or control on my estate etc. I have also wrote a letter to attach to my will with my wishes for my child.
I know his guardians will fight to maintain his life but it is obscene that a child can be removed from a happy, familiar and stable life down to PR. For my son his dad hasn't been around for most his life and when he was it was as and when he could be bothered. Its incredibly difficult for me to accept. I really do hope common sense when play a big part, but I try not to think about it as it upsets me

prh47bridge · 04/03/2019 22:04

A child will not be removed just because someone has PR. If there is a dispute over where the child lives the courts will decide based on the child's best interests. It doesn't matter that the step parent does not have PR. If that is the right place for the child, the courts will order that the child stays with them.

Meagain19 · 05/03/2019 08:27

Your DP can't get PR without you being married to him.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 05/03/2019 08:32

A judge can approve pr to your dp

prh47bridge · 05/03/2019 08:39

A judge can approve pr to your dp

Only if she is married to him or in a civil partnership. But, as per my last post, PR does not determine who the child will live with if the OP dies.

titchy · 05/03/2019 08:40

Ngc you're talking about removing PR, OP is taking about awarding it to an extra adult. As prh says it would be unlikely your child would be removed if your dp took the matter to court.

Collaborate · 05/03/2019 08:42

Meagain19 is correct that PR cannot be granted to someone not married to a parent.

Stands to reason. If they're not making a legal commitment to the parent they shouldn't be seeking a legal commitment to the child.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 05/03/2019 08:42

Or if they have lived with the dc for 3 years or more....

NGC2017 · 05/03/2019 08:55

I can only tell the advice that I have been given previously.
I have never tried to remove PR, its impossible a Solicitor has told me, however I dont think he deserves it at all! He has made no attempt to contact his son in nearly 4 years, so most of my sons life.
A solicitor told me that unless I had a court order or am the only parent with PR, I cannot specify someone else to take on the role if another parent still has PR of the child. I looked into a CO but was told 'whats the point' he hasn't bothered in years, its unneccessary'.
But as I have already said surely it wont be as easy as a child being removed, common sense and best interests must play a bigger part

prh47bridge · 05/03/2019 09:11

Or if they have lived with the dc for 3 years or more

No, that does not give them the right to get a Parental Responsibility Order. It gives them the right to apply for a Child Arrangements Order but not to get Parental Responsibility. Note that, even if they have not lived with the child for 3 years, they may still be able to get a CAO but they will first have to ask the courts for leave to apply.

But as I have already said surely it wont be as easy as a child being removed, common sense and best interests must play a bigger part

Indeed. In the OP's case, the fact that the father has PR does not mean he can rock up and demand that the child is handed over if she dies. If he wants the child he will have to apply for a CAO. If he did manage to take the child (e.g. by collecting her from school) the OP's partner would be able to go to court to get the child back again. If it did end up in court, the fact that the father has PR and the OP's partner does not would not decide the outcome. The court's decision would be about the child's best interests.

Collaborate · 05/03/2019 09:13

@Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Not correct. Haven't a clue where you got that one from.

anniehm · 05/03/2019 09:18

With the agreement of her birth father you could - my daughters friend has been legally adopted (she demanded her bio father allow this as she wanted her real (step) dad's surname as he was the person who helped raise her)

prh47bridge · 05/03/2019 09:35

With the agreement of her birth father you could

Adoption is a separate issue and removes the birth father's PR. Short of adoption, even if the birth father agrees, the OP cannot give PR to her partner unless they are married or in a civil partnership.

Original poster

beansontoastfortea · 07/03/2019 10:08

@prh47bridge that sounds reassuring that they won't just immediately hand her over to her birth father. DP & I are engaged.

So are you saying that DP doesn't need PR at all? I can see that I can apply for him to have PR alongside my DXH and I but I'm not sure if DXH would be on board with that.

OP posts:

prh47bridge · 07/03/2019 10:43

I wouldn't worry about PR. Note that, if you were to die and there was a dispute about where your child lived, if the courts made an order that she was to live with your DP that would automatically give him PR.

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