Fence sitting school

[Hullabalooo]

My controlling EA ex is taking me to family court for custody if DC and has worked out a plan which when looking at it more in depth would make him the main parent.

Anyway that's not the issue I'm discussing now. I've been collecting paperwork from agencies I've engaged with as a result of ex behaviour and just requested similar from my child's school to support my response for no increased contact.

They've just sent me a total fence sitting BS response saying anything they send me they have to send to ex too. Which would basically play into his hands. No other statutory agency has done this, they have all just sent me the notes requested.

I'm absolutely livid that despite knowing the situation (countless meetings and me weeping on them) they're just being so crap about it. Especially when it was their assertion in the first place that my child was completely fine when he wasn't that was the leverage ex needed for court.

Anyone got suggestions about dealing with school on this front? Are they all like this? Or is mine just risk adverse? Or crap?

I've sent a snotty response in return as so $@%££ livid!

Or are they all like this? And I just need to accept it.

I can't see why they shouldn't be even handed and give info to both parents as long as they both have parental responsibility

Surely you would prefer that they were not judgemental. If ex has pr and there are no child protection issues he is entitled to information they pass on. Likewise they should offer same to you should he make any requests. Their primary interest is the child/ren's welfare.

I don’t think you should be putting them in the middle of this tbh.

The school is acting quite properly. It is your response that is improper I'm afraid. Time for a bit of humble pie with the school I think.

Unless there is a safeguarding issue, the school are very wise to stay well out of it.

Saying that, you could perhaps make a subject access request under GDPR to see what records they hold of previous meetings etc if that's what you're after.

They've said anything they reveal to me they have to reveal do him. So even if i did a gdpr request they'd have to let him know too

So aibu then? I haven't had this issue from any other statutory service. They've just let me have notes etc without any problem.

Just feel like stuff they've said to ex has exacerbated the problem but that now they're playing it safe having not previously.

Sounds a bit odd

Let’s say you requested information about the school from the department, would they have to send it to every parent at the school?

Hang on I’ll see if I can find anything

How old is the child?

Thank you.

Reception year age 5

OP isn't requesting generic information about the school, she's requesting stuff about her child (I assume?), and he has equal right to the same information as an equal (legally) parent.

Any agencies OP has engaged with for herself he of course isn't entitled to.

I''m sorry you are having a hard time with your ex, but I think the school is acting correctly. Schools are not there to judge one parent against the other, or to provide ammunition for parents to use against each other, however much it might be justified. If asked by a social worker, or a court then a school can provide unbiased and factual accounts of events they have witnessed directly , but that is all they can be expected to do.

THey are there to provide a safe, secure and preferably neutral place for your child to learn.

Ok it seems I was wrong in my expectations of the role of the school from what you've all said.

It's our first time at school so maybe I've guaged things wrong.

Although DC previous nursery has been happy to do this which seems like a discrepancy with regards to this situation.

Should i apologise for being grumpy with them?

I feel there are 2 separate issues here.

1. If both parents have PR then the school has to follow certain guidelines and would have to treat both parents equally. It covers eg school reports, logs, school record etc. Please see this (well written) guidance. www.gov.uk/government/publications/dealing-with-issues-relating-to-parental-responsibility/understanding-and-dealing-with-issues-relating-to-parental-responsibility. This would cover if eg a child didnt want a parent to receive a school report. The school cannot comply with that request.

1. If you make a SAR (under GDPR and the DPA 2018) categorically the school should not be contacting anyone else about that request. They should not be sending the findings to him. I work in a school dealing with SARs and Data Protection. Your child is too young to be making the request so it is your request. Call the ICO to confirm.

The school has a month to respond to an SAR so if you have time go that route.

Regarding your "snotty response". I will say to you what I say frequently on other forums. Be polite at all times. People work very hard in schools - you are not the only family with issues - and respect and politeness really are best. It will not change the law and how the school responds to you. So yes an apology would probably be appreciated.

Thank you @spongedog that's incredibly useful and really helpful to clarify things regarding parental responsibility. It's all still really unclear regarding the school but your post has made sense of theirs and my and DC rights.

I'm not sure what SAR is though? Could you explain?

And also the ICO?

I'll follow these up once I know.

SAR is the Subject Access Request - (you asking for the data)

ico.org.uk/your-data-matters/your-right-of-access/

This link shows how to make a subject access request (SAR) and includes template letters.

ICO is the Information Commissioner’s Office and is the regulatory body for GDPR and all things data protection.

And @spongedog is spot on!

Thank you @dauphinois that's great! Very much appreciated.

And to everyone for input. Thanks also.