Post may be sensitive.sexual abuse and Legal c100 issued against me.

[Changednameneedhelp23]

Hello,

I have name changed for this and I just need advice as I have been worrying so much about it.

Me and my ex partner split up over 8 years ago. We have a 12 year old dd together. When we first split he had her every other weekend.

Just before she turned 4 she started coming out and saying things about her dads dad. That he was saying and doing things. I called her dad round told him and he refused to believe her. I called the police the following day and he was arrested.

She then had to go through multiple interviews with ss and the police. Even needed an internal examination which of course was absolutely heartbreaking. They found .It was a really really tough time for me as I felt so so guilty and my mental health suffered very very badly. Her dad wasn’t there for any of this, because he didn’t believe her he just attempted to play it down. But what she was saying doesn’t come out of a 3 year olds mouth and she was ‘acting’ things out. Her dad knew all this and still didn’t believe her. He even went as far as to message social services basically saying he didn’t believe her and she has bad dreams and he thinks that was it etc etc.

The police sent all evidence to cps who called me and said that because of how young she was they do not think she would be able to be cross examined so it would be an unfair trial and they didn’t expect they would get a conviction so the case was dropped!!! (for the time being- unless she started saying stuff more clearly)

I’m not going to go into any more detail but I am almost 100% sure she doesn’t remember anything.

Fast forward 8 years and she still sees her dad every other weekend but isn’t allowed any where near this man. Her dad has a newish girlfriend whom he wants to move in with.
I found out that she lives on the same street as this man and I have said under no circumstances do I want her staying at that address. It’s too close. It’s in a busy town centre so you can have to park anywhere up that street. There’s a local shop, a park etc that they would all use and I do not want her seeing this man at all in case of any triggers.

Her dad doesn’t seem to understand. He still refuses to believe it happened.
I have said I have no problem her staying with the girlfriend. This is nothing to do with that. It is purely where she lives.
So now he has applied through the courts and we go in a couple of weeks. I’m not sure what will happen. I need to know if IABU in arguing against this. I trust her dad yes but he can’t protect her against triggers if she bumped into this vile man. He also refuses to believe her and actually said to me the other week that ‘even social services didn’t believe her’ and I feel like he wouldn’t try as hard as he could because he thinks she is lying.

Please tell me I’m not being unreasonable.I can’t sleep worrying about this. It plays on my mind constantly anyway as I feel I failed her then, I don’t want to have to relive all that and feel that she may not be safe when not with me.

I understand this may need to be moved to legal just thought I would get more traffic here.

I'd be inclined to ring social services. They may well have an opinion on the matter, which might be useful to your position...

I have no idea what to advise you but want to offer you a hand hold xxx

I can't comment on the legal/safeguarding aspects of this but I just wanted to say no, I don't think you're BU to argue against this at all. It's not just the fact that DD may be triggered (although that's enough in itself for me), it puts everyone in an untenable position if XP bumps into him with DD. He (not that I care about him) is open to further allegations if there's contact with DD, XP may well be torn between offending his dad and protecting DD (and there are ramifications either way) and there's always the risk he won't protect DD as he should because of split loyalty.

I would use these other arguments alongside your worries about DD being triggered in court. There are too many risk factors to justify putting DD (and everyone else to a lesser degree) in this position when XP could simply choose not to take DD to his GF's house.

Good luck in court OP, so sorry you're going through this

Thank you.

I am just so worried about it all and don’t want all the details to come out in court again.
Wish he could just understand where I am coming from and that the job of a parent is to keep their child safe. I failed that once and definitely won’t be doing that again!

So the allegations were about your dds Grandad. And she hasn't seen him for 8 years? Did she never ask why she wasn't seeing him anymore?

Also, what will you tell her about all this court business?

Perhaps you need to have a word with your exs girlfriend? It is entirely possible she may eventually have a child and needs to be on her guard.

I am hoping she won’t have to go to court.
I mean if they ask her if she wants to stay there she doesn’t know my reasonings for me not wanting her to.

I have never met the girlfriend, but she does have a daughter a few years younger than mine. I’m guessing she must know something because I’m sure he would have to tell her why I don’t want her to stay there.

Ring social services and nspcc. The threshold for child protection is lower than for criminal prosecution. They likely didn't take action because you could protect. Now ex is undermining that.
Dd is not supposed to go near the abuser. That still stands. You should tell her why in simple terms she can understand. She may not want contact and should say so.
I think speaking to new partner is good if she is sensible, she can ask sad or police for info to help her protect her dc and yours.
Get legal advice. It may not be a long case to get prohibited steps.