Ex threatening court action over access even though it's not denied

[Shrinkydink123]

Hi everyone

My ex is threatening to take me to court over access even though he isn't denied access. The reason is we don't have a formal arrangement because it doesn't always suit us to have a rigid 'every fortnight' set up. There is a back history to this story but I won't go into it now. I have told my ex time and time again to let me know dates he wants to see his child, he never, ever asks - its as though his pride gets in the way of having to tell me or ask if our child is free when he wants to see them. I offer dates all the time when we don't have anything on - these messages have been ignored or excuses given like it's gf birthday or he is working. I do not and would not deny access. If he were ever to say a date and our child had something on or we have arrangements that could not be changed, I would offer the next day or a different date. I have also changed plans to enable him to see our child. I am getting really annoyed by his constant threats when I do not deny him access. Also he regularly sees our child in the week, it is just weekends where we don't have the rigid set up. Any advice? Thank you.

You say rigid doesn’t work for you but clearly neither does as hoc. I’d just put a set arrangement in place so you all know where you stand.

I'd let him take you to court. He's being a dick. My ex was exactly the same. He had the attitude he'd see them whenever he liked and couldn't bear to ask me.

potteringalong - As I say, there is a back story, but rigid set up doesn't work for us, that's why it's not in place.

Thanks donajimena - I have told him that I'm happy for him to take me to court. Even telling him well in advance dates when there is nothing on isn't good enough for him. Pathetic isn't it?

Hmm I think he’s being a dick but I would prefer a set schedule rather than having to ask my ex every time to see my child.

But that’s just me.

Sounds like hes trying to get one up on you by threatening court proceedings. My exh did the same despite his unreliability. I would call his bluff.

Sounds like an access plan which has to be adhered to by both parties would help you both

Without knowing the back story it's hard to comment.

Take him instead its likely you will be told to do mediation first anyway fuck him and his threats

Let him take you to court.

The goal of court is to get a routine sorted out so it sounds pretty pointless for him to do it but it's his money.

It must be very difficult for everyone if there's no routine. You can't plan ahead and it must be disconcerting for the children not to know when they are seeing Dad. If it can't be rigid because of shift work, I'm sure that there will be some forward planning that can be done like informing you of shifts as soon as he gets them etc

He'll get fixed contact and then fail to turn up for most of it 🤷🏽‍♀️ let him waste his money!

Is it your ex or yourself that a routine doesn't suit? Surely even of it is work related you should know a while in advance?
If it went to court they would likely set a rigid routine, generally its best for children and cannot be argued with.
You would have to try mediation first anyway so see if that works. Family court is stressful and you and your ex could end up with something that suits neither of you.

He sounds like my ex

Ex: I WANT TO SEE DD
Me: Fabulous, she is free every Tuesday night and EOW weekend
Ex: IM TAKING YOU TO COURT
ME: if that doesn’t work for you then what dates would you like? Also she has been trying to ring you, what time is good for you?
Ex: ILL SEE YOU IN COURT

Never seems to manage to actually find the court though 🤔