Self reply to solicitor letter from Partner’s Ex?

[NoDanger]

My partner has a four year old son from a previous relationship which was over before the child was born. The child’s mother seems he’ll bent on making life difficult for my partner and sends ten paragraph WhatsApp messages suggesting all the ways in which he is a bad father every time we have the wee boy over with us.
Since he and I got together this behaviour really ramped up and since she found out I was pregnant last year even more so, she has systematically cut back contact and we now only have him during the days every other weekend.
We wanted to get the situation settled before our DD was born four months ago and so offered to cover the costs of mediation which she refused.
We have now received a solicitor’s letter from her claiming that my partner is abusive towards her and a whole host of other nonsense such as that he fails to give the boy medication and that he becomes distressed when he stays with us. The wee fella

So what's your question? Are you asking if you and dp can reply directly to her sol without using one yourselves? Yes you can (or he can).

Yes, sorry I’m not clear - the letter she sent said something along the lines of “I strongly advise that you engage your own representative” and “I look forward to hearing from your solicitor” so I just want to check that there’s no downside to just replying ourselves and maybe get a little check that nothing we’re saying is likely to make matters worse
Thank you

Does your partner want to have his son more for contact? Has he considered taking her to court?

Sorry - I’ve just realised half my post is cut off so it doesn’t make sense, here’s the rest

...The wee fella has a great time when he’s with us and absolutely adores his little sister who is his only sibling so it seems a dreadful shame to allow his time here to be cut so short.

That said, we have a four month old, I’m only on statutory mat pay and we’re trying to buy a new home so we’re not in a position to spend a fortune going back and forth with solicitor’s letters before anything else has been tried. Is it a bad idea for my partner to reply himself and say as much?

I was thinking something along the lines of:

I received your letter dated xx on behalf of your client xx the claims contained within which I found to be entirety inaccurate and without merit.
As I have previously extended the offer to cover the costs of mediation to resolve the issues between xx and myself I am not prepared to enter into a legal dispute until such time as this option has been fully explored.
I consider this correspondence closed,
Regards

Any feedback is greatly appreciated as we just want a peaceful life where our daughter and her brother get to enjoy time together as well as with their father

He’d love more contact - before she started cutting it back it was every other weekend from Friday - Sunday afternoon and a floating weekday in the alternate week which I believe is pretty standard. We’d prefer to avoid the stress and cost of court for everyone (she doesn’t work so I have no idea how she’s affording this, it stings to think she’s spending maintenance money on this)

Unfortunately as she refused mediation and every attempt at a discussion leads to a barrage of abuse from her about every past wrongdoing it seems like court might be the only option

You have many years of dealing with her crap unless you bite the bullet and go via the court route now.
Wish my ds had.... His ex leads him a merry face week after week.

It might be worth spending the money for an hour's worth of solicitor time just so you feel you've had some advice before going into mediation etc.

Trying to encourage mediation is the right thing to do. It will look bad for the ex if she doesn't engage in this. I think it would be fine to respond yourself. A solicitor will only write a letter stating what you want them to say anyway.

I'm not sure about the wording you've used. You need to be open to negotiation so don't talk about the correspondence being closed. Mention something about coming to a solution which is in the best interests of the child.

I am not a solicitor. I've just been through the family courts myself.

Dance even!!

I think your draft letter sounds pretty reasonable. Being dragged into a protracted (and inevitably expensive) legal battle is completely pointless.

If your partner wants a more formal arrangement in place for visiting, he can apply to the court in person and self-represent. Sounds like the ex is just making trouble.

Could you take your draft to a solicitor who does the free half hour consultation? Like other posters have said my lay advice would be not to say things like ‘correspondence closed’. I’d be just reiterate that you are disappointed that the level of contact for x has been reduced. That this is not in his best interests. Reiterate the offer to pay the costs of mediation.

The response doesn't sound strong enough. What you're proposing to say is that she should go to mediation and he's going to do absolutely nothing about it through the courts until she does.

I predict she'll see that and realise all she has to do is refuse to go to mediation and he'll then let her live her life in peace. What he needs to be doing is threaten an application to court unless she attends mediation. And he must be prepared to follow through with that. I get it that you are in no position to afford representation, and I am pretty sure he'd get a better outcome if he had representation, but issuing an application without representation is better than not issuing at all.

You might be right, we are prepared for the possibility of going to court but hadn’t thought to include that in the response as we were hopeful she would see sense. Perhaps that was overly optimistic

That’s a good idea - the law school near us does a clinic so we might take it by them first, thank you

Court costs (£215) and the criteria for exemption.are fairly generous. It's not just a question of being on benefits, and the 'low income' qualification is very broad as it allows an additional 245 income per month for each child that you are financially responsible for (paying maintenance for) . So you can include you partners child in the calculation.

www.gov.uk/get-help-with-court-fees

Personally OP - I would do as BB has suggested. Be robust, your reply should not 'suggest' but tell outright that if their client does not agree to mediation, you will proceed directly to court.

If, as you post, you have had his son overnight until recently and still have him during the day, then she cannot claim threats to welfare. Or why would he be with you at all.
Personally I think she's made it easier by refusing.Print your C100 off the HMCTS website, follow the instructions, pay your fee if not exempt, and get a court date. It is really not difficult to self represent. He simply has to tell the court what he wants and they have to decide if his request is 'reasonable ' and in the best interest of his son. If they agree - and from your post (which I assume is truthful and accurate description of the circumstances) I see no reason why it wouldn't be. You should easily obtain an order.
That way, he will never have to be at her diktat again (of course people flout orders and you have to get them enforced - but most do)

He also won't have the additional expense of mediation from someone who doesn't sound like they will engage.